Remember me
by Dixie990
Summary: Battle sleep is a dark way to be and Thane knows it well. Well enough to recognize it in the human commander Shepard. Can he wake her as she has woken him? Another Thane X FShepard story. Rated for violence, language and future lemon content.
1. Chapter 1

**Remember Me**

**CHAPTER ONE – THE DREAMER**

I hovered silently, unmoving in the dark, hot ventilation shaft above the penthouse suite. I had reached this point in record time.

An asari woman stood behind a great desk, three eclipse guards stationed behind her, the pale glow of morning beginning to flood through the windows behind her. She was pouring over data displayed on her screen, muttering too herself... paranoid... and vulnerable. Target acquired.

As I waited for the moment to strike, the doors opened, and three people I'd come to recognise well in the last few hours, made their way into the office, guns drawn and pointed at the woman.

A turian and a krogan were led by a human female, it was an unusual but highly effective combination I'd found. The had arrived shortly after I had, unwittingly providing me with a useful distraction as they made their chaos. They were soldiers... not a shred of stealth in any of them, not that it seemed to matter. They were talented enough, the woman in particular.

It was because of her and her chaos that I had worked so fast.

The things I could do, the skills I possessed, had long been second nature to me. For the last ten years I'd been using them in my sleep, hardly paying any conscious thought to my actions, barely registering my day to day movements. I allowed my body to walk and talk, to lead me to my inevitable death by taking more and more contracts, each more demanding and more challenging than the last as I sought some semblance of an honourable death. I had been certain this job would finally give me that blessed relief... until this woman had interrupted.

I'd watched her carefully as I moved, taking note of her and her actions, her fighting style. She was a biotech with a penchant for close combat, using a charge to surprise and daze her enemies before ruthlessly shooting them a point blank range. If close combat truly was impossible or downright suicidal however, she would take a moment to clear the field some with well placed shots from an upmarket sniper rifle, her turian comrade and she appeared to have some kind of competition going, tallying up the number of head shots and kills they made in this manner while their krogan charged in regardless. Interesting woman, interesting enough that I'd taken something of a conscious interest in her. More so when it came to my attention that she was there not seeking revenge on Nassana as I'd first thought... but looking for me. I hadn't taken conscious interest in anything for almost ten years.

"Wait!" Nassana spoke. "Before you kill me, just tell me who hired you."

The woman put away her gun and, reaching up, undid the clasps on her helmet, lifting it away from her head. I found myself craning my neck a little, curiosity again getting the better of me. She'd not removed her helmet at all since she arrived... I wanted to see her face.

As she pulled the armour away, locks of unruly black hair that had escaped the knot at the back of her head fell in waves around her face. She had even, straight features, her nose long and sharp, her lips, shaped... but also sharp. She had a web of scars crossing over one side of her face, an unnatural orange glow seemingly emanating from them. It was her eyes that fixed my attention however, dark green, like her armour... and empty...no trace of emotion, no trace of care for the asari, or anyone else for that matter. The look was haunting in its familiarity, it was the same gaze I found whenever I looked into the mirror.

Nassana looked shocked. "Shepard! Ha! I suppose you find this all very ironic, first you kill my sister... now you're here for me... who hired you!" She demanded again.

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and arched an elegant eyebrow. "Who do you think it was?"

The asari fixed her with a venemous gaze. "Screw you!"

"Charming." Shepard dead panned. She seemed completely uninterested in Nassana or her paranoia.

"Kill me then! I'm not playing your stupid games!" She turned away a moment to look over the rising sun... then she turned back to face her obvious intruder. "Well, you've made it this far, now what?"

Shepard rolled her emerald eyes and heaved an irritated sigh. "I wouldn't waste my time hunting you down Nassana." Her voice was icy cold.

The asari almost laughed. "What do you call this!" She exclaimed, raising her hands up to indicate around herself. "You practically destroyed my towers!"

"I wasn't looking for you."

Nassana began to pace, her nerves getting the better of her, making her more anxious... more paranoid. A window of opportunity was opening. Nassana was focused on Shepard, certain the solider was the only threat. "What the hell are you talking about?" She snapped. "Is it credits! Is that what you want? Just tell me your price and we can make this problem go away..."

Shepard shook her head a little and rolled her eyes at the floor. "All the credits in the world won't make this problem go away Nassana."

I shifted a little in the vent, preparing my move. I wasn't able to entirely silence my movements, one of the eclipse guards looked up and around wildly, catching the attention of her employer.

"What!" Nassana snapped.

"I heard something."

"Damn it! Check the other entrances! You..." She rounded on Shepard. "Stay put."

The merc moved away... one pace... two paces... I dropped from the shaft into the room behind the first of her guard. The human man didn't know I was there until he felt my fingers on his head, snapping his neck cleanly before moving to the second guard, breaking him with a heavy upwards punch to the chin. Both men had fallen before Nassana even finished her sentence. I drew my gun, shot the final guard, spinning round and kicking the pistol Nassana had drawn from her hand. I grabbed her wrist, pulled her close, my gun nestled against her abdomen and with a seconds prayer... I pulled the trigger.

Nassana gasped in shock, hardly having had time to register what had happened before realising that she was dying. Respectfully I took the back of her head and carefully laid her on her desk, folding her arms over her chest as the life finally left her eyes. She was dead.

I clasped my hands, bowing my head... and prayed.

"Impressive." I heard the turian say. "You certainly know how to make an entrance." I didn't answer, my prayer not finished.

There was a moment of quite before Shepard spoke. "I was hoping to talk to you."

She'd taken a few steps towards me... I heard her movement, felt it on the wind. "Forgive me... prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

"Do you really think she deserves it?"

I finished my homage and looked up at her, meeting her dead eyes with my own. "Not for her... for me." My words sparked some curiosity in her, it lit her eyes slightly... though... that might have been the dawn light behind me. I began to move around the desk. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you for example, all this destruction, chaos... I was curious to know how far you would go to find me." I halted in front of her. "Well... here I am."

She arched her eyebrow again. "How did you know I was coming at all?"

"I didn't." I confessed as I moved passed her to carefully inspect her companions. I didn't flinch from their guns, I'd long lost any fear of them. "Not until you marched through the front doors and started shooting."

She shrugged. "Doors are the conventional way too enter a building."

I looked back at her, surprised by her words... more surprised by a flash of mischief that passed through her eyes... then... like a candle that had been blown out as soon as it was lit, it was gone. I looked away again, the cold emptiness haunting me still. "You disrupted my plan." I told her. "But you proved a valuable distraction."

"You used me to kill her?" She didn't sound angry that I had killed Nassana, more that I had dared to use her for my own ends.

I shrugged slightly. "I needed a distraction, you needed to speak with me." I paused as she motioned for her men to holster their guns. "You certainly fulfilled your end of the bargain. What would you like to discuss?"

She heaved a heavy sigh, "There's a race called the collectors. They're been abducting entire human colonies. I'm going to teach them why that's a bad idea." Her voice dropped a note, became darker and a little husky. She was furious.

I turned to face her. "Attacking the collectors requires passing through the Omega four relay... no ship has ever returned from doing so."

Her lips curved into a slight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos too."

I matched her smile. "True. You have built a career on performing the impossible." I looked back at the corpse on the table, frowning a little. "This was to be my last mission." I paused a moment, thinking how best to explain. In truth, I saw no easy or gentle way to put it. "I'm dying." I said bluntly. "Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

Shepard moved to stand next to me, leaning on the edge of the desk. Again she folded her arms over her chest. She was frowning. "I hadn't heard that. Is there anything I can do?"

Her question was not what I'd expected from a woman I'd witnessed killing so ruthlessly only moments before. I looked up in surprise and saw genuine concern on her face... which only served to surprise me more. "Giving me this opportunity is enough." I assured her. "The universe is a dark place. I am trying to make it brighter before I die." I turned to face her properly. "Many innocents died today, I wasn't fast enough and they suffered. I must atone for that." She didn't seem to understand what I meant and I didn't feel like explaining... not now. So I gave her what she wanted. "I will work for you Shepard. No charge."

* * *

The Normandy was what I expected from a group such as Cerberus. Well built, well supplied and worked by crewmen distrustful of me. Admittedly it seemed they distrusted me not for my race but for my occupation, which was understandable. The man who greeted me in the CIC, Mr Taylor, seemed particularly distrustful. Shepard however, paid no heed to the mans warnings, dismissing what he said with barely contained boredom. She gave me leave to stay in the life support area of her ship, where she felt I would be most comfortable. It was barely an hour before she stopped by to see if I had settled in.

"Do you have everything you need?" She asked me as I stored my guns in the case on the wall.

I looked round at her as she asked. "Yes thank you."

She gave a short nod and looked over the sparse furnishings. She was a relatively quite woman for a commander I decided. Though she was always blunt about her mission, she never said or revealed anymore than was necessary about herself. She stood in the gangway just forward of the door, her arms crossed over her chest, her customary stance when not in combat... defensive, though she didn't seem paranoid. If anything she bordered on fearless.

"About this... condition of yours..." She said after a moments thought.

"Yes. I thought you'd want to know more." I finished putting away my guns and moved to sit at the table, offering the opposite seat to her. She declined with a wave of her hand. "It's called keprals syndrome." I told her. "You needn't worry, it's not communicable... even to other drell."

She shook her head. "That's not what I meant."

I raised my brow ridges in her direction. "Oh?"

"Normandy has a state of the art medical bay... not to mention a mad salerian scientist in the CIC... maybe we could help."

Again she was being genuine. I weaved my fingers together in front of me. "No thank you. It's being attended too."

She frowned, displeased with my response. "Seriously?"

I smiled a little. "Seriously. The hanar are funding research into the condition, though by the time the find anything I doubt my body will still draw breath."

"What does it do?" She asked as she strode across the room, arms still crossed over herself, to stare out of the window at the drive core.

"Excuse me?"

"Keprals syndrome? What does it do exactly?"

I shifted a little in my chair. This was more the question I'd expected to have to answer for her. "My people are native to an arid world." I explained. "The hanar rescued some of us from extinction. Kaje however, is a humid planet and our people are not adapting fast enough to the new climate. The moisture in the air damages our lungs, preventing them from absorbing oxygen... eventually... we suffocate."

I saw her reflection in the glass frown deeply, wrinkles appearing on her head and between her eyes. "How long have you got?"

I shrugged a little. "Between eight to twelve months. The longer I spend in humid environments the faster the illness progresses."

"Noted." She heaved a sigh, her breath fogging the glass for a moment.

"By the time I am incapacitated we will be victorious or dead. I will not be a burden to you... this will not affect my work."

She turned to face me, those cold eyes looking over my face before fixing me with an empty glare. "You're at peace with this."

It wasn't a question. But I confirmed it anyway. "I have accepted my body's death."

She nodded. "Alright Mr. Krios." She pushed herself away from the wall and finally dropped her arms from around herself. She was wearing a short black dress made out of a leathery material that clung to her body like a second skin, giving me a second to admire that though she was human, she was well formed... and very beautiful. The outfit seemed at odds with what I'd learned about her persona however... it made me wonder why she wore it.

She turned to leave and my eyes followed her... I noticed a mark on her shoulder blade, partially concealed by the dress. The mark was mirrored on the opposite side and I realised she had a full back tattoo. What the design was exactly, I couldn't see. Before I could think to ask, she had left, the life support doors closing after her.

* * *

**AN: OMG, do you guys have any idea how hard it is to get into Thanes head! Bah... hope I did ok all things considered. Honestly I've tried writing this fic over and over again and this is the best I've managed to come up with for a beginning, what I've learned from my efforts is that no one character seems able to tell the full story, so my plan is to alternate POV, one chapter from Thane, one from Shepard... then back to Thane and so on. Wish me luck! ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO – THE DREAM**

_ "Run! For fuck sake Amy just fucking run!" _

_ The eleven year old glanced back at me, her bright blue eyes wide in terror, her dark brown hair soggy with the rain and clinging to her terrified face. "Seryna!" _

_ "Go!" I screamed a final time before spinning in the grasp of the alliance marine that had caught hold of me and managing a heavy punch to his nose. He cried out and instinctively let go of my arms to cradle his face, not expecting such a good hit from such a scrawny kid. I scrambled away from him and caught up to Amy, grabbing her upper arm and dashing through the streets ahead of us. She was trying her best to keep up with me, her shorter legs struggling to match my pace. She was crying openly now, the tears running down her face the sobs echoing in the empty streets. _

_ "Oh God!" She was gasping. "Oh please god!" _

_ "In here!" We skidded to a halt by an abandoned factory and I pushed the board over the door to one side so she could slip her small frame through. She expected me to come after her, but I let the board fall back into place. _

_ "Seryna!" She was hysterical. _

_ "Amy listen to me!" I snapped at her. "Run through the factory, out the back door you'll find a kid called Carter. He's waitin' on you. Go!" _

_ "But..." _

_ "Amy go! I'll be right behind you!" _

_ "I can't!" She cried. "I can't leave you behind!" _

_ I could head the thundering of soldier footsteps and glanced over my shoulder. The gleam of torchlight could be seen from around the corner. I looked back at the terrified child. "You wanna go back there?" I asked her seriously. _

_ She shook her head wildly. "No!" _

_ "Then you gotta leave now! Don't worry... I won't let them get us." _

_ With a final panic filled glance at me she turned and began to run through the factory. _

_ I turned away from the door, running to the other end of the street and pulling a small black gun from my belt. I'd stolen it from a cop who dared to threaten one of my gang a year or so back. Now it defended them instead of threatening them. _

_ A squad of three marines rounded the corner, all with weapons drawn and pointed at me. They directed their torches at me, blinding me with the light... not that I needed to see them properly to shoot them._

_ "Where's Amy." Their leader demanded of me. _

_ "She's not your concern anymore." I growled out. _

_ "She's the Admirals daughter. This is gonna get you into a lot of trouble kid." _

_ "Fuck you!" I spat. "I know who she is!" _

_ "Then you know what the penalty for kidnapping her will be." He tried to sound intimidating, it only served to make me angry. _

_ "I know what I'm doing! Does her Dad! Does he know what the penalty for paedophilia is in this town!" _

_ "Peado... what the hell!" The officer to the mans right was outraged at my accusation. _

_ "You heard me!" I snapped. "But he's the fucking Admiral, no one listens to Amy! Her own Mum would rather think her a liar than have the great alliance Admiral she married be a 'bad man'. So fuck you. I'm the only one that gives a fuck about her." _

_ "This is bullshit!" The officer on the left raised his gun a little more and made to take aim. I pointed my own back at him. _

_ "Think about it you dickhead!" I shouted. "Amy would rather live in this hell hole than go back to her Dad's palace with you!" _

_ "Stand down Harris." Anderson commanded. _

_ "But Commander Anderson..."_

_ "That's an order!" Anderson snapped. Harris lowered his gun a notch. _

_ Anderson holstered his gun and took a step towards me. I pointed my weapon at him instead and he stopped. "I'd heard rumours..." He told me. "But your right. He's the Admiral... bringing him down for something like this isn't easy." _

_ I frowned. "You believe me?" _

_ He nodded once. "Yeah." he looked from Harris to his other comrade, then back to me. "You sure she'll be safe here?" _

_ I scowled at him. "This is my home... unlike you alliance pricks, we take care of our own." _

_ "We?" _

_ I snorted. "You think I'd face down three alliance marines on my own!" I shrugged my head backwards and two tenth street reds stepped out from the shadows behind me, both aiming assault rifles at the marines. _

_ Anderson seemed to be both shocked and impressed. "How old are you kid?" He asked. _

_ I lowered my gun and raised my chin. "Sixteen." _

_ "Sixteen and leading reds?" _

_ I shrugged. "I got my angles, same as you old man... now are you gonna get the hell outta here... or do my boys gotta start shootin?" _

_ Anderson nodded a little and signalled for a retreat. Carefully, the three of them left the way they came, Anderson glancing back at me as he left. I got the feeling I hadn't seen the last of him. _

_ "Jake... make sure our guests leave..." _

_ One of the reds nodded and jumped down from his perch, following the men out of the district. _

_ I turned to the last of them. "Tell boss I'll be there in an hour... as agreed." _

_ He nodded too, then vanished back into the shadows, leaving me to cross the street and head into the factory I'd sent Amy through..._

* * *

My eyes snapped open, my breathing coming hard and heavy. Slowly I sat up and leaned forwards, my head in my hands. "Edi... what's the time?"

"Four hundred hours Commander." The AI replied.

"Four fucking hundred... great." I heaved a heavy sigh and threw off my blankets. I wasn't going to get anymore sleep. May as well start my day.

I moved roboticly from my bed to the bathroom, going through my morning routine, hardly paying attention to anything I was doing. My skin was numbed by the hot water of the shower, I didn't feel a thing when my brush tugged on the knots in my hair... I didn't feel anything. I simply... was. As always I slipped on the black dress Kasumi had given me for going after Hock, it being the only thing aside from some hideous brown colonist clothes that didn't bare a Cerberus logo, and pulled my hair back into a bun, even though I knew by the end of the day most of the front locks would have fallen out to shadow around my eyes. I stared at myself in the mirror... I looked as dead as I felt. Coffee... coffee usually made me feel a little better.

I took the slow elevator down to the crew deck and stopped as I rounded the corner. Apparently I wasn't the only person who couldn't sleep... or maybe drell just didn't sleep as much as humans. I made a mental note to find out.

Thane was sitting at the mess hall table staring at the wall ahead of him as if he could see something I couldn't. A mug of untouched tea was sat in front of his clasped hands.

I couldn't help but admire him. He was wearing just a loose pair of black cotton trousers, leaving his broad green back bare to my eyes. He was... spectacular. His colours were so bold and bright they almost hurt my eyes to look, the black stripes cutting through the green in a wonderfully stark contrast as they trailed down from the top of his head, down the back of his neck to hug at his torso. The red of his neck trailed downwards in its own stripe along the front of his body, splitting off at the collarbone and going in opposite directions to frame his sculpted chest. The twin stripes continued the entire length of him, vanishing beneath the waistband of his trousers to god only knew where.

Before I realised I'd moved, my hand reached out... my fingertips brushing the black markings along the back of his neck, between the frills of flesh that circled his red marks. His skin was both smooth and rough at the same time, such a beautiful contrast of extremes, the scales silky... but in their number giving an over all rough texture... beneath his muscles were warm... strong feeling. He reminded me of a snake or a lizard. I mentally kicked myself. Course he did... drell were reptilian. Wake up Shepard.

He was startled at the touch of my hand, visibly jumping a little in his chair as his attention was ripped from the apparently fascinating wall before him. He tilted his head round to look at me as I snatched my hand away. Realising suddenly what I'd just done.

"Shit!" I cursed. "Sorry... I didn't mean... Ah crap." I turned quickly and headed to the coffee pot, trying to hide my red face, not daring to look at him. 'Just get some coffee and run like hell' I was thinking.

"Do you make a habit of sneaking upon crewmen?" He asked from across the room. There was the barest hint of amusement in his baritone voice.

I huffed a little. "I'm surprised I could sneak up on the galaxy's greatest assassin at all." I remarked defensively. "If its that easy you won't be much of a challenge to the collectors.

He chuckled a little. "I admit... I was distracted. I was aware of your presence, but I didn't expect you to touch me."

I fidgeted a little. "Sorry... I..." I paused, unsure how to explain myself. It had been rude... stupid... "I like the colour of your skin." I finished lamely. I more than like it... I fucking loved it... so many different shades on one body. It was utterly beautiful to me. But I already sounded crazy. No way I was going to try and explain that one.

Then I figured... hell... that ship had sailed. "I've always liked bright colours." I tried. "When I did missions up on the presidium Garrus often had to tare me away from a particularly interesting flower or plant... he used to find it hilarious. He said all Saren had to do was give me flowers and the galaxy would be his." I was sure I wasn't explaining myself very well... but how does one explain an obsession with colour?

Thane shifted a little, stretching out his shoulders and refolding his hands. "Then... I should take you interest as a compliment. Though I'm not sure I appreciate being compared to a flower."

"No that's not what I..." I turned to face him as I spoke and found a little mirth in his features. He was joking. God I was on a role. "Right... yes... its a compliment... I guess." He was perhaps as strange as me. His mannerisms, the tone of his voice were all gentle. Not a demeanour I was used to dealing with. Then again... I liked a challenge. It was refreshing in a way, to not have to be so guarded.

I finished making my coffee and drew up to him again. "Can I join you?" I asked.

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "It's your ship Commander. But no... I don't mind your company."

I sat in the chair opposite him, blocking his view of his beloved wall and giving myself the opportunity to further admire his face. His features were perfectly symmetrical, as always the patterns of his flesh intricate and beautiful, his eyes deep... dark... empty but for the emotion he chose to display. He was like a living piece of art work. I could stare at him all day... except that would be rude. I quickly averted my gaze and took a mouthful of my coffee. He seemed amused by my behaviour. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not...

"You're not what I expected from an assassin... if you don't mind my saying."

He had began drinking his own beverage and I had to wait for any reply. "You have spent too much time among thugs who think that custom painted armour makes them professionals." He paused a moment, thinking about his next words carefully. "The hanar trained my body for this since I was six years old."

I felt my eyes widen in surprise. "You've been killing since you were six?"

He shook his head. "Of course not. I didn't make my first kill till I was twelve."

"That's still very young." I mused.

"Perhaps, but I was prepared."

"Where were your parents? Did they approve of all this?"

He inclined his head in the affirmative. "The agreement to train me was made under the compact, it was an honour for my family."

I sat back in my chair, frowning a little. I still didn't approve, but there could be no doubt that his training had made him the best at what he did... training I was willing to utilize now. He seemed to sense my conflict because he continued.

"They valued me." He assured me. "They... regretted their need for me."

"I'm not going to judge you or those that trained you Thane... I certainly need your skills now and I don't know enough about your people to fully understand the situation." I admitted.

He leaned forwards a little, relaxing against the table. "I would be happy to explain more fully if it would put your mind at rest."

I snorted a little. "My mind doesn't know the meaning of rest." I stopped my laughter at the serious look on his face. He seemed almost... concerned? "But um... I'd like that." I added quickly.

He inclined his head and took to his drink again. I admired him as he moved. Everything little thing he did held a strong degree of grace, coupled with the gentleness and politeness of the way he addressed me... and he was a very compelling individual. I looked away and shook my head a little roughly. Get over it Shepard.

I opened my mouth to ask him how he was settling in on the Normandy, but didn't get a chance to speak as the doors to the main battery whooshed open and Garrus strolled out looking sleepy. "Morning." He grunted as he rummaged through the cabinets for his turian equivalent of coffee.

"Jeez Vakerian you gotta brew that in here? It stinks to high heaven!" I complained as he started mixing it up.

"Hey I don't complain about your smelly food... you don't complain about mine." He retorted, his voice mocking. "Speaking thus... you want a refill?" He indicated at the half empty pot I'd left on the counter. I held out my mug and he bought it over, filling my cup for me. "There... now quit your complaining human."

I rolled my eyes at him, but stayed quite and drank my coffee. Garrus Vakerian was one of my oldest friends. After meeting him on my hunt for Saren he'd impressed me with his skill and morals. I'd found him compelling too, having never directly worked with a turian before then, though... admittedly... not in the same way that I found Thane compelling.

The more missions Garrus and I had gone one, the closer we had become. He told me about himself, answering my silly questions about his people with grace and understanding until finally... I told him about me.

It came just after one of the old tenth street reds tried to black mail me. Garrus had understandably had questions. By then, I hadn't been able to deny him an answer... though I was scared about telling him. Garrus had been a cop... what if he didn't understand why I'd done what I'd done? What if at the end of the day... he still thought I was criminal scum. I needn't have worried. He didn't care. If anything he seemed to admire me a little more for having got to where I was then. No matter what I told him, he always found the good in my actions... the justification. He even went so far as to tell me he would have done the same in my place. So yeah... god bless Garrus Vakerian.

My eyes travelled over the bandage that covered one side of his face as he came to sit next to me. That day on Omega was still fresh in my mind though it had happened months ago. I'd been terrified... terrified that I was about to loose my only real friend in this fucked up galaxy. Admittedly, I went a little crazy, massacring the blue suns that dared to get in the way of my saving him. If I were back there now though, I wouldn't do anything differently... except maybe stop him from getting such a bad hit in the first place.

"Admiring me again Shepard?" He teased.

"Not bloody likely." I teased back. "You don't even have a proper nose... let alone lips... how are you supposed to suck..."

"Yeah well your just jealous of my awesome scars." He cut over me with a turian grin.

"Anyone can catch a rocket with their face Vakerian."  
"Yeah... but only a few can do it twice!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I ain't patching you up a second time..."

He laughed, his eyes fixing on Thane. "What about our assassin... You given him a healthy dose of your crazy yet? Remember to break him in slowly." Thane looked confused. I blushed red. "When I first joined up with Shepard..." Garrus began. I groaned and leaned my head in my hands. Garrus just loved embarrassing me with this story. "I was working on the Mako... she came up behind me and grabs my fringe! Took me a while to figure out she wasn't hitting on me..."

"Yeah not everyone finds pointy and hard attractive you know." I cut in, sticking my tongue out at him.

Garrus shrugged with a wide smile. "You grabbed my fringe Shepard. One would think you might consider cultural differences when taking an alien onto your ship."

"Yeah well I figured it out eventually. Fringe touching equals horny turian and embarrassed commanding officer."

"Rather embarrassed turian too." Garrus admitted. "Just warning our friend here that your an action first kinda person."

I rolled my eyes, but Thane smiled a little. "So I have noticed. Though I appreciate your concern I am not put off by our Commanders innocent curiosity. Rather the reverse."

Garrus arched his brow ridges. "Oh really. Hear that Shepard... you can fondle Thane all you like."

"Oh shut up Vakerian! Just cause you didn't get any, doesn't mean you have to go around trying to embarrass me!" I shoved him playfully, but a little harder than I'd meant. In his laughter Garrus lost balance on his chair and fell off to the side, crashing into the table as he tried to regain his balance. "Shit! Are you ok!" I got to my feet and scrambled to offer him a hand up.

He laughed even harder. "Never a dull moment with you Seryna." He took my hand and I pulled him up. He turned to Thane as he collected his empty mug from the table. "Welcome to the Normandy Thane."

He moved back to the counters to dispose of his dirty cup. I shook my head a little and sat back on my seat. "You wanna help me look for the Justicar today?" I asked Garrus.

He looked back at me. "You just want an opportunity to try and beat me again." He said smugly. "Three up on you Shepard... three up."

"Shut your trap, you coming or not?" I didn't know why I bothered asking him anymore, he always came with me, he knew that... now my asking was just an excuse for him to tease me some more.

"Sure thing. Who's your third?"

I looked to Thane. "How about you? Fancy coming along? You know Illium a bit better than the rest of us."

He inclined his head politely. "If you wish."

"Excellent, another sniper... maybe Thane will be a better challenge."

"You may pretend Garrus but admit it... the day I beat you you will be a very proud turian." I remarked as Miranda emerged from her quarters and the sound of crew doors opening announced the impending arrival of other crewmen.

"Why would he be proud?" Thane asked curiously.

I smiled at the drell. "Garrus taught me... back on the first Normandy. If he wasn't such a suckish teacher I would be able to beat him though." I shot a sideways glance at the turian in question, who looked mockingly outraged.

"There is nothing wrong with my teaching... you were a crappy student!"

"Uhuh." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I would be happy to correct any techniques you're struggling with Commander." The drell offered politely. "Perhaps you would respond better to a different teacher."

"Yeah... one she can fondle." I punched Garrus's arm.

"Your just jealous I didn't keep fondling you!"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE – WORDS AND DEEDS

The metal framed chair was not particularly comfortable. Nor was the cool plastic of the table where I laid my hands... but I paid neither any mind. My eyes were focused on the blue light emanating from the drive core ahead of me as the events of the last few weeks played back to me in my minds eye.

I'd been on the Normandy for almost fourteen days and accompanied her of three of the four missions she had been on since. Recruiting the Justicar, Assisting Operative Taylor investigating his fathers long crashed ship, Assisting the information broker Liara T'soni in becoming the new shadow broker... and recruiting a young Quarian named Tali, another old friend of Shepards. It pleased me to see her with another friend on board. Though Shepard treated her crew in a friendly manner, so far I was sure Officer Vakerian was the only one she would actually call her friend. Since Tali had arrived, Shepard had spent more time down in the engine rooms. I'd caught sight of her several times while glancing out of my window, laughing and joking with the Quarian. It was good to see her smile.

On missions she hardly smiled at all, always so serious... so cold in her interactions. On the Normandy she was at least kind to her crew... though she still moved with the body language of a burdened woman, her eyes full of painful secrets and a hauntingly familiar detachment.

She made the effort to visit everyone on her team regularly, I noticed with some echo of pride however, that I was the only one she took to visiting daily. It would be in the evenings, as the other crew were turning in for sleep, she would come to Life Support and sit at the table opposite me as I enlightened her to the nature of my people, my religious beliefs, my time among the hanar. She clung to my every word with genuine intrigue asking me questions and demanding more thorough explanations, which of course, I was happy to provide.

Sometimes I would ask her about her life. I'd read her files of course, but her records before Akuze were oddly cryptic, not detailing much of who she was or where she came from. She too seemed very reluctant to speak of anything before Akuze, regaling me with only fractions of information. She was an orphan, she never knew her parents and her only brother had died when she was young. More than that... I didn't know. I wanted too. I shocked myself with how much I wanted to know the great Commander Shepard. Not because she was a hero and I admired her... shamefully I wanted to know her because she was beautiful, both physically, with her long dark hair, bright eyes and toned body; and inwardly with her curious and generous nature. Despite the fact that she was a great warrior of her people I had the desire to protect her as I had only had for one other before her. Irikah. Not that I knew what it was I was meant to be protecting her from. Even the collectors had been unable to kill her permanently. It seemed incredibly foolish.

The more I thought about Shepard, the more I thought over my first morning on the Normandy, when she startled me by tracing the markings on the beck of my neck. Even weeks after, the ghost of her touch lingered. Too often I had replayed the sensation, enjoying the warm feel of her skin on my own. I loved that I could please her simply by being in her presence. It had been a long time since I had felt such an array of emotions. Until I had come to the Normandy I had been numb... and happy for it. With a few words and a seconds touch, Shepard had made me hope for life. I had no right to want such a thing... I who took life so casually. I had no right to want her. She was worth more than a dying assassin.

With these dark thoughts I was ready to return to my more rigorous meditations rather than idle fancies. I was about to slip into the numb trance when there was a knock on the life support door.

For a fleeting second I thought it might be Shepard, but this early in the day she was likely in the CIC plotting a course with Joker or maintaining her guns in the armoury with Jacob.

"Yes?" I answered.

The door opened and the quarian girl Tali, slipped into the room a case of tools in one hand a container of some tech parts in the other. "Sorry to bother you." She said in her thick accent. "But Shepard has asked for an upgrade on the environmental controls... she wanted them done by the end of the day."

I inclined my head politely. "Of course. Feel free."

"Thanks." She set to work on a console on the wall by the door, pulling the panel free and carefully working on the wires beneath. I watched her for a long moment as she skilfully connected one thing to another to avoid accidentally shutting life support down all together. I had a basic understanding of the mechanisms, enough to disable life support should I wish, but little more than that. I was impressed with the ease that she seemed to work.

I shifted a little in my seat, spinning round so I could watch her more comfortably. "What will the new upgrade do?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

She jumped a little, having been absorbed in her work. "Oh... its a modification Shepard ordered a few days ago. It'll allow Edi to regulate the climate in different parts of the ship, make it more comfortable to those that live here. For example, Garrus could ask Edi to make the main batter warmer... something to match Palavan while Professor Mordin could make the labs a little more humid to mirror the conditions on Serkesh."

I felt my brow raise slightly. "That sounds like an expensive upgrade." I mused.

Tali shrugged. "Normally it would be, but quarians know a lot about environment control. I was able to build this unit out of spare parts and a few things we salvaged from Haestrom. Shepard asked me to build it a few days ago."

It struck me as strange that Shepard would ask Tali to use resources for something so trivial. She hardly ever did anything without a logical reason. "How will this assist her with the collectors?" I asked.

Tali paused her work and looked at me, her bright eyes shining through the glass of her helmet. "I don't think she has the collectors in mind with this one." Her words were laced with a double meaning she meant for me to pick up.

"What else would Shepard be so focused on as to use resources?"

Tali continued to stare at me. "Isn't it obvious?" When I didn't answer she sighed and turned back to her work. "Think about it... Garrus can make it hot like Palavan... Mordin can make it humid like Serkesh... you could make it dry like Rakhana... just a thought."

I was stunned for a moment. "You suggest Shepard asked you to make this upgrade for my well-being?"

Tali shrugged as she began to install the new device. "Well it helps everyone be more comfortable, but you're the one that's going to benefit the most. She does seem very fond of you."

I wasn't sure what to think of this. There was truth in what she was saying... and Shepard would confide a fondness to her. I dared to hope for a second, that she might find me as fascinating as I found her.

I shifted back round in my seat and resumed staring at the drive core. "Is she always this generous?" I asked.

"To her allies yes. I'd hate to be on her bad side though. She's not very forgiving... or merciful." She sounded almost scared of Shepard.

I considered this for a moment, then turned my head a little to glance at the quarian. "Do you know what her tattoo is of?" I sensed the mark Shepard bore on her back was important, but whenever I asked, she avoided telling me anything about it.

Tali shifted a little uncomfortably. "Yes... but I won't tell you about it." She paused, taking the time to finish her work and refit the panel. "Edi can you start up the new upgrade?"

"Installing... one moment please." Came Edi's robotic reply.

Tali turned to me. "Her tattoo is pretty personal for her. She doesn't just show it to anyone. As far as I know, Garrus, Chakwas and I are the only people who know about it. I'm sure Chakwas has only seen it because she treated her injuries. I only saw it once when I was out in the field with her. She was wounded and Garrus and I had to do some emergency first aide on her back. If she chooses to tell you... that's her business."

I inclined my head respectfully. "What about Miranda? And Cerberus?"

Tali shook her head. "No, apparently she was too... damaged... when they found her. They had no idea she'd even had a tattoo. She had it reapplied right after they woke her. Miranda wanted to know what it was... but Shepard told me she 'told' Miranda that she was overstepping her boundaries.. caused quite a cat fight..."

"I see. Thank you Tali'Zorah."

Tali turned to leave, as the doors opened, she found Shepard standing on the other side.

"Shepard!" The quarian gasped, surprised by the sudden appearance. "I just finished installing the environmental modulator."

Shepard smiled. "Good work. Thanks for that Tali."

Tali nodded. "Sure. Edi is installing it now, I'll get her to let you know when its up and running."

Shepard nodded and stepped aside to let Tali leave before stepping into life support.

I smiled a little. "You're early today Commander." I remarked.

"Garrus got a lead on the bastard that betrayed him back on Omega. Could use your help in dealing with that if your not busy... we're just arriving at the citadel now." Her voice was cold and when I turned to look at her I found that she had retreated behind her eyes, nothing but a little calm anger on her face. I felt a moment of sympathy for whomever it was that had betrayed her friend.

"Of course Shepard..." She had nodded and left before I could finish my sentence. "Whatever you need of me."

* * *

I almost regretted agreeing to go with her. I had met many a dark person in my time as an assassin, both under the service of the hanar and in freelancing, but I saw a new side to both Shepard and Vakerian that I wasn't sure I liked.

It was Vakerian's business, he had asked Shepard along... I was there simply to support. So I didn't say anything. I watched in stunned silence as they ruthlessly picked their way through a warehouse of mercs. Not an unusual feat for my Commander, but the way she handled the mercs was different. She was colder. More methodical. She left not a single survivor, sometimes doubling back to ensure she'd cleared the room entirely. She used more melee attacks, getting in close to her victim before snapping there necks or bashing their heads against crates. Her green armour was blood soaked by the time we reached Fade; and there she was coldest of all. She stood back, leaning casually against a console while Vakerian kicked and beat the human man within an inch of his life. The spectacle reminded me of a common street mugging. I was taught to grant death quickly... cleanly... there was nothing graceful or merciful in this display. I worried for Shepard. There was a rage in her eyes that I knew... one I'd felt ten years before when I began to hunt my wife's murderers. I could see now why Tali had spoken with some fear earlier that day... if she had seen but a fraction of what I was witnessing now... it would have been enough to terrify her.

When they finally got what they wanted from the pitiful human I was relieved, hoping the mindless violence was at least done with for the time being. I was mistaken. As we left Vakerian drew out his pistol and shot the man in the kneecap... an injury that wouldn't ever properly heal and would pain him for the rest of his life. Shepard actually smiled a little. "You had it coming Harkin." she said, her voice full of spite and hate.

I frowned... and followed them out of the warehouse.

We reached the meeting point, I thought for sure Shepard would see some reason, perhaps talk to her turian comrade, ensure he knew what it was he was about to do. Killing a target was one thing... it was what a solider... or an assassin... did. But what he was about to do was kill in cold blood. I wondered if he truly understood that there was a difference. As Shepard neglected to warn him... I wondered if she knew the difference. It was a frightening thought, to think that she might not know good from evil. Perhaps she was just to angry to see it.

We left Vakerian on the maintenance walk to line up his shot and rejoined the traffic to park below.

"Is this wise Shepard?" I dared to ask.

"What?"

"Killing this man without thought... without finding his side of the story."

"Don't tell me the assassin is getting cold feet." Her voice was low, her anger directed a little at me now.

"An assassin kills because he is contracted too... he is a tool. You and I both know this is not compatible."

"If Garrus decides to kill Sidonis, that's his business Thane... not yours." She said this with such a tone of finality I didn't bother speaking again. She had made up her mind certainly. In her mind this man was to die. I was sure if Vakerian didn't take the shot... she would. I looked her over as she parked the car. I knew she was protective of her friends... but this seemed extreme. There had to be a more logical reason for her anger... some comparison she drew between her own circumstances and Vakerian's history with this man.

I stepped up behind her as she signalled for Sidonis to come closer. She gave the man no warning... no clue as to what he was really there for. As Garrus commanded her, she moved to the side. In an instant... the turian was dead in the street. Shepard turned away and I followed as she just walked away, without so much as a backwards glance. She didn't regret a thing.

The trip back to the Normandy was made in cold silence, the two of them still seething from the dead man's actions. They didn't speak a word to one another.

As we arrived back on the ship, Vakerian muttered a thanks to Shepard and vanished back into the main battery, locking the door behind him. I was sure he was now learning the hard way, the difference between killing in vengeance and killing because you had too.

I retreated to life support as Shepard went up to her loft. Immediately I noticed the air was hotter and drier, the new upgrade apparently doing its job. It reminded me of the troubling contrasts in my Commanding officer. It had to be a struggle for her I was sure... to have such a conflicting nature.

I sat at my table, trying to loose myself in my meditations while I waited for her to join me in the evenings... like she always did. Except tonight... she didn't come.

I waited a full hour passed the time she usually visited and there was still no sign of her.

"Edi..." I addressed the AI. "Is Commander Shepard asleep?"

"No Mr. Krios. Commander Shepard is still up."

"Would you ask her if I could visit?"

"One moment please..." There was a lengthy pause, then "Commander Shepard says you may visit the loft if you wish."

"Thank you."

"Logging you out."

I got up from my chair and straightened my jacket before heading out of the door to catch the elevator up. I admit, I was fearful for her. Had she found some semblance of regret? Was she ill perhaps? In all her behaviours previously she was consistent, even if her demeanour changed, her habbits did not.

I arrived at the loft door and pressed the chime before letting myself in.

The room was not at all what I would have expected. I supposed I expected her to be a tidy, meticulous woman... as careful with her own home as she was with her crew's comfort. I could not have been more wrong. The loft was a mess. To say she was untidy would have been an understatement. Clothing was strewn across the floor along with data pads and empty beer cans. Her desk was littered with data disks, more pads and to my surprise scraps of paper, some screwed up, some flat, with scruffy sketches splashed on them. Shepard was an artist?

Shepard herself was lounging on her sofa on the lower half of the loft. She was wearing the light brown colonist clothes rather than her black dress and had her feet slung casually on the glass coffee table. She had a glass of amber liquid in one hand... and a lit cigarette in the other. Her hair had been let loose over her shoulders, the black curls resting over her breasts, her eyes were dark... empty as she stared at the opposite wall. Music was playing, something dark enough to match her mood.

She glanced up at me, then ignored me entirely and took a deep swig of her drink instead.

"Am I disturbing you Commander?" I asked.

"Not really. Clear off a chair if you want." She indicated to the sofa beside her where a towel and a data pad had been slung carelessly. I moved both onto the coffee table and sat down next to her, watching as she leaned forwards to put her suddenly empty glass on the table before relaxing and continuing with her cigarette. "Something you need Krios?" The ways he addressed me stung a little. For days now she had taken to calling me by my first name more than anything else. I had enjoyed it. Now she spoke with a strange impersonal formality that I disliked.

"No Commander. I thought I would see if there was anything you needed."

She looked over, one eyebrow arched. "Like what?"

I leaned back in my seat, relaxing into the cushions to make it clear she wasn't getting rid of me easily. "It seemed unlike you to miss talking with me."

She smiled slightly, though there was no happiness in it. "So you just missed me huh?"

I inclined my head a little. "I did... but I came because I was concerned."

She looked away again. "Sweet." She finished her cigarette and stubbed it out on an ashtray on the table. "I'm fine... just didn't think you'd want to talk to me after that last mission. You made your views pretty clear."

"I may well have disagreed with you Shepard, but that would not stop me from wanting to talk with you." I told her gently.

Her eyes met mine again and I saw surprise... confusion in them. "You'll have to bare with me. I'm not used to having people give a shit about my problems. Usually they just want me to fix theirs."

"People have a habit of being selfish." I pointed out. "Sometimes they don't see because they do not wish to see."

She frowned a little. "You know... I actually get that." She shook her head and looked away.

"You did seem to take the mission personally." I said carefully.

She shrugged. "I don't like traitors. They piss me off. Especially the cowardly kind... which is exactly what Sidonis was." She sighed heavily and leaned forwards, resting her elbows on her knees. Her top rode away from her trousers a little and reveals a slither of her tattoo to me. There was a name... 'John Shepard.' She'd mentioned a dead brother. Perhaps the tattoo was a tribute to him? It seemed unlikely, she had already told me her brother was dead... why would she hide a tattoo tribute too him so ardently. "He almost cost Garrus his life Thane..." She broke off and shook her head. "No way I'm letting him get away with that."

"You don't regret anything that happened today?"

She looked over at me. "Should I? You talk like I should feel guilty. Far as I can see... Sidonis was a coward and a murderer. He cost ten people their lives... ten families are in mourning because of him... he almost cost me my dearest friend... why should I mourn his death?"

"You seem to be feeling something..." I indicated to the empty glass and cigarette ash.

She actually laughed a little. "Nah... this is what I do in the evenings." She got to her feet and stretched. "If you came up here looking for perfection... well... sorry to disappoint you." She took up her glass and moved to the small desk she had against the right hand wall. Underneath she had a crate of drinks. She pulled out a bottle and poured herself another glass. "I drink... I smoke... hell sometimes I hit the sand. If you don't approve well..." She toasted her glass to me. "Screw you." She took a deep drink, gasping as the liquor burned her throat. "Its the only way I get any kind of sleep." She downed the last of her new drink and poured another before coming to the sofa and taking a seat, considerably closer to me this time, our legs almost touching. I could smell the smoke and alcohol on her breath. "How do you relax in the evening?" She asked. "After talking with me I mean?"

"I prey." I told her. "And meditate."

She arched an elegant eyebrow. "Is that it?"

I smiled. "Sometimes I read."

"What do you like to read?"

"Any number of things. Mostly I enjoy philosophy."

She rolled her eyes, though she had a more genuine smile on her lips. "That sounds like a Thane thing to do. I probably could have guessed that."

"If it makes you feel any better Commander, I would not have guessed your evening activities."

She laughed, genuinely contented it seemed. I was pleased to have somehow shaken her out of her dark mood. I only wished I knew how it was I achieved this so as to remember for next time. As I took in the bright green of her laughing eyes, I was sure their would be a next time. The Commanders mood seemed to be very inconsistent.

She quietened a little and I was sure she head leaned towards me a little more. She bit her lower lip... almost nervously as she surveyed my face. "Can I touch you?" Her voice was barely a whisper, she seemed almost embarrassed. "I just... your skin is so lovely..."

I couldn't help but be flattered by her request. Admittedly, I longed to feel her fingers on me again. "If you wish." I'd spoken before I'd truly thought about the consequences of this.

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"I don't mind." I assured her.

She shifted onto her knees beside me and set her drink on the table before bringing her hands up to my face. Tentatively at first she ran feather light finger tips along the markings on my head before tracing the shape of my nose... and then my lips. One of her hands strayed to the sensitive skin of my throat and instinctively my own hand snapped up to grasp hers, to stop her from touching that part of me. I wasn't afraid she'd strangle me... quite the reverse. I was afraid she might be offended in my change of heart, but she hardly noticed. Instead her attention was drawn to my hands, where she admire and felt each of my fingers, taking extra time on the two fused digits my people had long ago needed to dig in desert sands. She trailed he free hand down my other arm, looking for my other hand, and bought them up together to admire side by side. "You really are... very beautiful Thane."

I wasn't sure how she expected me to respond to such a comment. I wanted to tell her that she was beautiful too... that her eyes reminded me of gemstones, or that I longed to feel the texture of her hair. Ironically for the situation, I hesitated over weather or not it was appropriate.

I hesitated too long it seemed because she dropped my hands and flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry... I can't help it."

I reached out and took her soft hand in my own, making her meet my eyes again. "Do not be sorry Shepard. I'm simply curious... as to what you see in me."

She smiled a little and relaxed into the back of the chair, allowing me to gently draw her close and wrap an arm around her shoulder. I'd never been so forward... so close to her. I felt my heartbeat step up beyond my control as I admired the feel of her body against mine. She felt deceptively soft.

"I... My past..." She looked up into my eyes and I could see a kind of fear in them. "I came into contact with a lot of... chemicals. Damage was done... they call it damage anyway. My senses are a lot... keener... than most humans. Apparently I see colours more vividly... I'm more sensitive to scent, sound and texture. It can actually be quite helpful in the field...but it does mean that sometimes... things can overwhelm me. Other people can block out scents or sounds they don't like. I can't. I hate going to Omega for example... it smells, its dark. It makes me want to be sick. Sometimes I am sick when I get back..." She sighed and shook her head. She looked away again for a moment then back at me. "Its the same with people. Kelly for example, she's sweet, but she wears way to much perfume. I can't stand standing next to her any longer than necessary. Garrus is my best friend, but I can't stand it when he touches me... his skin is so rough, its almost painful."

"That must be difficult."

She shrugged, I felt the movement on my arm and relished in the sensation of her moving against me. "Sometimes. I gotta tell you though..." She fixed me with a serious gaze. "You are... beautiful. Not just because of your colours... your skin feels wonderful... the scent of your leather... the sound of your voice." She flushed the deepest shade of red I'd ever seen on her. "You're... soothing I guess. You presence is strong enough that when your around I can only focus on you, instead of everything else around me..." She sighed and shook her head, pulling away from me. I mourned the loss. "I know that probably sounds crazy."

I smiled. "Very. However... I understand that it is meant as a compliment."

She smiled back at me. "Thanks."

I inclined my head. "Anytime. For the record though... I don't think there are many people that aren't sick after visiting Omega... except perhaps Aria."

She laughed openly and it was a beautiful sight to behold. Her eyes lit up with genuine pleasure, her face relaxed... all the darkness in her melted away to reveal all the beauty she'd been hiding.

Her terminal chimed and she rolled her eyes. "Duty calls... gimmie a sec." She got to her feet, stretching as she climbed the steps to her work desk. I took the opportunity to stretch myself for a moment, loosening the muscles that had become stiff in the time spent sitting with her.

"Edi." I heard her say. "Call for Garrus, tell him to get his plated arse up here... now." Her voice was thick with a tone of urgency and fear. I was on my feet in a second, climbing the stairs to find her crouched over the terminal, her grip on the edge of the desk so tight her fingers had paled. She stared at the console, the darkness in her eyes back and set like steel against me.

"Shepard. What is it?"

She shook her head, taking a deep, shuddering breath through her nose. "Nothing." She said at last. "Just something I need to discuss with Garrus..." She looked round at me, her face hard and impassive. "Privately."

Perhaps unreasonably I was stung by her cool dismissal. She was closer to Garrus, but I couldn't stop the twinge of jealousy at their close relationship.

I inclined my head respectfully. "Of course. If I can do anything to help you..."

"I'll be fine." She dismissed again.

"Shepard." Finally she looked up at me and saw me, some of the steel dropping away so I could glance at the fear and desperation in her. "You are the first friend I have made in ten years... If I can assist you... I will."

She frowned at my words, seemingly with confusion, then some understanding crossed her. "Right... sorry, I keep forgetting you give a shit." She sighed. "I'll be fine. If there's anything you can do I'll tell you... you have my word."

I had no choice but to be satisfied with this, so I inclined my head again and left her to her torments, passing Vakerian as he exited the elevator. He grabbed my arm as I passed and glared down at me. "Was it you!" He snapped. "Did you do something?"

I arched my brow. "Your concern for your friend is admirable, but no, I did not cause her distress. She received a message that put an abrupt end on our evening."

Vakerian searched my face a moment, apparently looking for a trace of lie. Eventually he was satisfied and let me go. "Sure." Without another word, he left and entered the loft.

My mind was distracted with concern for the commander as I made my way back to life support. I wondered what could have distressed her so suddenly. Once back in my own quarters I realised I had a couple of messages of my own. I took my seat at my table to check them.

The first was from an anonymous sender and simply read 'Do you know what kind of woman your working for?' I paid little to no heed to it, though I did wonder if it had something to do with the message Shepard had received.

My second message was of more interest, from Irikah's sister, the woman with whom I'd left my son all those years ago. I opened the message expecting an update on his well-being, seeing as it was close to his birthday. It was nothing so pleasant.

Inside his aunt had explained with fear and concern that Kolyat had left the family home suddenly and was bound for the citadel. She asked me to intervene... he had seemed distressed.

I closed the message and sat back in my chair, my heart racing. What possible reason would he have to leave? I found myself wishing I could call to Shepard... but her own distress had to come first. From what I understood, Kolyat was in no immediate danger...

I wrote a quick reply to the woman, assuring her I would look for him and asking her to keep me updated.

**You know, I think this might actually be the longest chapter I've ever written! Extra long Chapter today cause I'm taking a night off from writing ^^ Hope you like it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR – SINS OF THE FATHER**

And the evening had been going so well…

Thane left my quarters with his heavy heart obvious. When had I gotten so good at reading his stoic expressions? I felt guilty; the last thing I wanted was for him to feel pain because of me. I'd been flattered that he'd sought out my company, my heart doing little double flips every time he spoke… every time he moved. He made no comments about my chosen vices, he didn't seem to care that much. If anything, he'd almost seemed… concerned. The only one person who ever showed concern was Garrus. It was odd having it come from Thane too. Odd… but pleasant.

He let me sit close to him. I could smell the heady scent of leather and something masculine… something distinctly Thane. His voice sparked colours in my mind, soothing waves of blues and purples… the texture of his skin when he let me trace his features, utterly divine. I was sure it was a feeling I would never forget, but I couldn't help but be jealous of Thanes eidetic memory for just a moment, even when before I'd loathed the idea of having every moment of my life forced upon me with perfect clarity. No... it was better to be able to forget.

But no matter how perfect, my evening was shattered with the chime from my personal terminal.

I didn't mean to be so cold to him, but I could see my sudden dismissal stung him. Still, I was determined. I wasn't ready to share this part of myself with him yet, coward that I was. I was sure he wouldn't forgive me. So I sent him away… and I called for Garrus.

The turian entered almost as soon as Thane left… they must have passed each other in the hall.

"Seryna?" Up here in the loft he always addressed me by my first name. Back on the old Normandy it had been the same in my captain's quarters. We'd long ago agreed that here, in the sanctuary of my space I was not his commanding officer… I was his friend.

I downloaded the message into a nearby data pad and passed it too him. Then I went back down to my sofa and snatched my glass off the table, searching for my alcohol as Garrus digested the message. I downed a shot as he finally spoke. "Shit."

"That about sums it up." I shook my head and poured another shot. Garrus crossed the room in a couple of strides and took the glass from me as I bought it to my lips.

"Knock it off. Drowning in booze isn't going to make this go away!" He slammed the glass back on the table, some of it sloshing onto the surface.

"Nothing in the world is going to make this go away!" I shouted.

Garrus tossed the pad onto the table next to the drink… the words glinting up at me with a kind of evil menace.

It was from Anderson. Messages from my old mentor were usually pleasant, the man becoming my only other friend over the years. A turian and an Alliance Captain. Never thought I'd be friends with either… but there it was.

Andersons words, usually so full of encouragement were tonight riddled with fear and concern. '_Seryna, I wanted to give you fair warning. As of today the Alliance has withdrawn their protection of Morris Carter, Amy Sunderland and their daughter Hope. As you are no longer working under alliance jurisdiction, they are no longer willing to offer them the protection that was given as part of your initial contract. I tried to get the brass to reverse the decision, but they wouldn't hear it. I'm sorry. Maybe Cerberus can offer up some kind of protection instead? I worry what Ryan will do when he gets word of this… and he will get word Seryna…'_

I grabbed the pad and turned it over, not wanting to read the message anymore. "I'm not giving Cerberus anything they can use against me." I snapped.

"I wouldn't involve them either. The moment they learn the truth…"

"The moment they learn the truth Miranda gets her bloody control chip!" I flopped down on my sofa. "Fuck." I leaned over, hiding my face in my hands.

"Ryan doesn't know yet." Garrus said carefully. "Anderson has given us some time."

"To do what!"

Garrus shrugged. "Get there first?"

I scowled at him. "And then do what exactly?"

"Well… I wouldn't mind putting a bullet in his brain. Wouldn't you?"

I looked away, hiding the shame. "It's not that simple."

"How is it not that simple?" It was his turn to get angry. "You care about Amy and Carter don't you?"

"How can you even ask me that?"

"Surely they're more important than Ryan? Surely he needs to die?"

"You don't know him Garrus! He's… crafty. No matter what I do or where I go he's always two steps ahead of me!"

"I know men like him. I took care of enough of them on Omega." He sighed heavily and sat beside me. "Contact Anderson. Tell him to give Amy your details, let her call you if she needs you…" "We won't…" I started to interrupt him, but he held up a taloned hand to silence me.

"Then contact Bailey at the citadel. Tip him off to a potential attack on Amy and Carter… c-sec can at least buy us time. If…if you really can't kill Ryan… then we should move them somewhere else. Somewhere undisclosed to anyone. Liara could help you with that."

I looked up at him with heavy eyes. "Do you think she would?"

Garrus rolled his eyes. "She's got the galaxy's biggest crush on you Seryna… she'd make star systems vanish for you… no questions asked. Hell… she'd probably even take the family on that big arse ship she's got."

I shook my head. "No. I want them to have as normal a life as possible."

Garrus shrugged. "Liara would know where to put them."

I stared at the wall ahead of me for a long moment my mind working franticly on Garrus's plan, trying to see any flaws or anything we could do better.

Finally I leaned forwards and snatched up the data pad, hitting the command to reply to the message and typing furiously. "Edi!" I barked.

"Commander?"

"Tell Joker to set a course for the citadel… now."

"Done."

"And Edi…"

"Yes Commander?"

"Tell him to floor it."

Garrus flared his mandibles in a turian grin and clapped his hand to my back. Then he got up and made for the door. "It'll take a little while to get there. You should try and get some sleep." He glanced back and I glared at him. "I said try!" He raised his hands defensively. "You could always clean your room instead."

I picked up the towel off the table where Thane had moved it earlier and threw it at him. He dodged it easily and laughed as he darted out of the door.

"Bloody turian." I murmured after him. I sat back on the sofa for a few minutes, arms folded over my chest, sour mood in full swing. I glared at the glass on my desk, then leaned forwards and sweeping it up, downed it in one. That done, glass slammed back onto the table, I got up and undressed before throwing myself at the bed. "Edi get the lights."

* * *

_With a final glance to where the Alliance marines had been standing moments before, I pulled aside the board that covered the door to the abandoned factory and slid through into the desolate building. My footsteps echoed against the bare brick walls as I crossed the floor to the backdoor. I shoved that board out of the way too and slipped into a small backstreet. Opposite me were several warehouses with tall metal doors where deliveries would be made, the street was built mainly for Lorries and trucks but had now long been abandoned, the buildings lonely, the floor cracked and rough. Graffiti adorned the surfaces of the warehouse doors, slogans dedicating the area to the reds, keep outs and a few more artistic pieces declaring the painters misery. _

_ I crossed over the narrow road and up the crumbling concrete steps to the centre warehouse. I pushed open the side door and walked through the tiny, broken office into the main room where trading supplies were once stored. Now… now it was home. _

_ The walls were brick and as before, were crumbling into disrepair. The roof was tin, the rain echoing loudly above me, a few square windows lined the wall to the left. Tiny, close to the roof and mostly smashed in. _

_ In the centre of the large space a couple of metal drums had been pushed together and fires had been lit, the only light and warmth to be found in the forgotten place. Around the fire makeshift beds and shelters had been constructed from scraps. Large packing crates had been turned on their sides to be hidden in, posts stuck into the crumbling floor and thick fabric slung between them. Rags made up the beds, filthy, old… hardly worth having yet precious to my friends. _

_ Despite the conditions, I could hear laughter… singing… joking. Kids between the ages of seven and seventeen were playing amongst themselves. Poking fun, dancing around… welcoming their newest sister. Amy was sitting by the bins on a ragged old camp bed, the best bed in the shelter, she was laughing at something Marcus, one of the older boys, had said. Clutched in her hand was a stale bread role. She'd already begun to eat it. _

_ Sat beside her was a boy a few years older than her, his tanned skin dark with mud and dirt. His wild black hair hung in a mess around his head to his shoulders, his dark brown eyes sparkled with youthful energy and he had a long arm around Amy's shoulders, shielding her from the cold and offering comfort. _

_ As I approached the children stopped their horseplay and turned to greet me in their individual ways, pleased to see me. Most of them called me Boss; others called me Seryna… some called me Shepard. _

_ I looked to the boy who was cradling Amy. "Good job Carter." He beamed with the praise. _

_ "She's a skinny thing for a rich brat." He laughed in his thick cockney accent. _

_ Amy poked him in the ribs, a smile on her face. "You ain't so good looking either you know!" She turned her smile on me. "Carter told me you had reds looking out for you… he told me you'd be ok." _

_ "Well… here I am." I held out my arms a little, then winked at her before turning to the dark skinned, fourteen year old Marcus. "Hey Marcus, you get any fags today?" Marcus was the artful dodger of my little gang; too often he was the one to bring me the best finds. He grinned brightly and tossed over a small packet. Inside were two cigarettes. I nodded to him. "Good work." He looked pleased with himself as I lit the cigarette on the fire in one of the old drums. I sat by Amy as I smoked. "How you settling in?" _

_ "Carter says I can sleep by him." She said brightly. "And Tara says she's gonna teach me to do spray painting with her." She indicated at the graffiti that was our only decor. Admittedly, the graffiti inside was considerably more colourful and happier than what was outside. It was almost like a mural. _

_ I nodded. "Good." Then I managed a smile. "Good." I looked round the faces of my kids as they played and ate. There were twenty one of them in total. Twenty one lost souls… twenty one lost angels with nowhere to go and no one to love them. So they stuck up for each other and I stuck up for them. I looked over the faces and frowned. "Where's Millie?" No one answered. "Oi! Harry!" The oldest kid in the room looked round at me from his conversation with Tara and Marcus. "Where's Millie?" I repeated. _

_ He shrugged. "Ain't back yet." _

_ I frowned. Millie was just eight, one of my youngest. She was an accomplished thief because she was so small and innocent looking. However… she was afraid of the dark and was usually one of the first back. I sighed heavily and stubbed out my cigarette. I had to go and see Ryan anyways; I supposed I could look for her on the way. "Keep watch." I called to Harry. He nodded and patted a gun hidden on his belt. I got to my feet and smiled back at Amy and Carter before leaving the way I came. _

_ My feet followed the all too familiar path to the Tenth Street Reds main base. It was a little out of my factory district home and into an old and almost deserted neighbourhood. The houses that were occupied usually had at least one red living in them. They were the homes of poor folk, the porches falling apart, the paint on the windows peeling and the gardens overgrown. I went straight to the house right at the end. It was a little bigger than the others on the street but in no better repair, the siding falling off, the brickwork crumbling, the front gate hanging off its hinges. _

_ Two reds were guarding the front door; guns openly leaned against the wall, red bandanas on their upper arms. I took the steps up to the door and passed by them, barely glancing at them. Inside, the house fared no better. There was the lingering smell of drugs, cigarettes and booze, the old fashioned wallpaper was peeling and the carpets were ancient and filthy. Something with a heavy drum base was playing through the house and I could hear some kind of party going on in the main room… something rough and drug fuelled. I ignored it and went straight up the old creaking staircase and into the main of four bedrooms. _

_ Inside the room was dimly lit, the windows had been boarded up and the air was thick with smoke from joints and cigarettes. There was a medium sized packing crate by the window that served as a kind of table, a filthy double bed by the centre back wall and a sofa to the left of the door. _

_ There was a red standing by the boarded up window, peering through a crack and keeping watch, gun at his side. Tonight the sofa was playing home to two scantily clad whores and the man himself. Ryan King. He was a thin, scrawny man whose only mass was purely muscle. His dark eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles. His nose had been broken at one point and remained crooked, there was a long scar trailing from beneath his right eye to the top of his lip. His brown hair was so thick with grease and dirt; it could have been black and hung limply around his face. He looked up at me with a dark smirk as I came into the room. _

_ "You're late." He sneered. _

_ I rolled my eyes and moved to sit on the bed. "You'll have to pretend I give a shit." _

_ "Cocky Seryna… too cocky. You been getting a bit big for your boots lately, do I have to knock you down a notch?"_

_ I arched an eyebrow at him. "You can't, I'm at rock bottom already." _

_ He laughed a little and shook his head. "No… not quite." He got to his feet lazily and gestured for his whores to leave us. They looked disappointed but did as they were told. Soon as the door closed he turned back to me. "You will be though." He snapped his fingers at the guard by the door. The man leaned over and pulled the lid of the crate open, everything that had been resting on it crashing to the floor with the sudden movement. He reached in and pulled something out… or rather… someone. The dirty and bound form of an eight year old girl was thrown roughly to the floor, its red hair flying wildly over the carpet. It whimpered pathetically as the red then put a heavy boot on its back, keeping it down while he leaned over and pulled its hair, forcing it to lift its head at me. _

_ "Millie!" I shot to my feet as her bright green eyes began to tear up. I rounded on Ryan. "What the fuck! I ain't done nothing! Let her go!" _

_ "Exactly! You ain't done nothing!" Ryan grabbed my shoulder and threw me backwards into the bed. "You're 'rent' is way overdue little girl and now you bring another brat into my territory! So… here's how I see it Seryna…" He leaned over me, his foul breath on my face. His voice was cold and harsh as he spoke. "You better give me a damn good reason not to kill her."_

* * *

"And you're sure they'll be safe there?" I asked Bailey for the tenth time.

He rolled his eyes a little. "We'll page you if anyone gets within ten feet of the place. You have my word Commander."

Garrus rested a hand on my shoulder and I nodded. "Alright. Keep me updated."

Bailey nodded with a grateful glance to my turian friend when he though I wasn't looking. With Garrus's silent instruction, I made my way back to the Normandy, Tali in close tow. "Nothing more we can do now Seryna." He murmured under his breath, if my hearing hadn't been so good I'd have missed it. "Just hang tight. They'll be ok."

I looked up at him with narrowed eyes. "You'll excuse me if I don't hold much hope when it comes to cops." I turned away. "They didn't exactly help me out when I was a kid."

As soon as I was back on board I headed to the crew deck with an instruction to Edi to tell Miranda to deal with anything non critical that came up. That done, I knocked on Kasumi's door and began to unlatch my armour.

The master thief let me in with a broad smiled. "Good to see you Shep! Let me guess, you want a Thessia wave and a good ol' ear to bend." I sighed and dropped my armour onto the floor by the bar and took my seat as she began to mix various liquors in a tall glass.

"Something like that." In seconds the drink was put in front of me.

"You look like hell." She said bluntly.

I took a mouthful of the offered beverage and winced a little as the various flavours burned. "I didn't sleep that well."

"Wanna tell me what's got you in a twist?" Kasumi mixed herself a drink and leaned casually on the bar as she surveyed me from under her hood, trying to read my blank expression I was sure.

I shrugged. "Just something that's come back to bite me in the arse. I guess I've been expecting it, but it's still one hell of a headache."

Kasumi 'Mmm'ed knowingly and offered me a top up, which I gladly took. "Well… booze and sex gets rid of headaches in my experience." I couldn't be sure… but I thought I saw her wink at me.

"Booze I have access too." I toasted at her and she laughed a little.

"Come on Shep, you can't tell me the hero of the citadel has no access to a couple hours of mind blowing sex!"

I shrugged and continued drinking. "Never really tried." I admitted after a while.

Kasumi took a long, surprised moment to digest that. "You're messing with me." She said eventually.

I shook my head. "Nope." I tried to bury my uneasiness at the conversation by downing my drink. I didn't like talking about sex. Drugs, alcohol… yeah that I could deal with. Sex… not so much. It wasn't that it was a sore subject for me… more like traumatic. It was my deepest kept, most shameful secret. I'd heard of course that sex was supposed to be nice, wonderful in fact. That it was supposed to be an act of love, binding and beautiful. I shook my head to myself as I thought. For me sex had only ever been laced with pain and misery. It was a means to an end… a duty to fulfil… not something I'd ever in my life… enjoyed. Because of that, I'd always been too… afraid… to try and enjoy it. I pushed people away. Anyone who showed me any interest was usually met with a spiteful tongue or a mean right hook. Shepard didn't do sex. Period.

"Well…" Kasumi began mixing another cocktail. "If you fancy giving it a go… I know a certain drell who's just dying to show you how his people get down and dirty."

"Excuse me?" I arched an eyebrow at her.

She sighed with exasperation. "The dark leather clad assassin that lives in life support? He totally likes you."

I frowned. "I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy actually."

Kasumi shrugged with a bright smile. "It's part of your charm."

I snorted into my glass. "Me? Charm?" I snorted again. "Don't think so."

"I'm serious!" She persisted. "His eyes follow you like you're his last meal! Trust me… he wants a bit of Shepard before he kicks the bucket." She glared down at me as she topped up my drink again. "And don't think I haven't noticed your fascination with him." She smiled mischievously.

I shook my head. "He's… fascinating, but no, I'm not interested." It was a blatant lie and Kasumi's 'uhuh' told me she knew that, but I still had my doubts. Sure, Thane was beautiful to me… but I was still afraid. It made me feel pathetic to both want and fear sex. Made me feel mixed up… made my head pound. I motioned for another refill which Kasumi gladly supplied. "You really think he's interested in me?" I asked.

Kasumi's face lit up as she raced on to tell me all the little tell-tale signs she had expertly picked up on. I rolled my eyes and leaned over the bar to grab at the good stuff she kept hidden there. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

**AN: My apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out. I've been a busy little bee lately ^^ Still, reviews and favourites have all been muchly appreciated. ^^ **

**I do have a quick confession to make regarding a typo earlier in this fic. It's been put that 'Amy' was age eleven when she met my Shepard… I must now correct that. She was thirteen. ^^ **


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE – DRUNK ON LOVE**

**AN: So after that depressing excuse for a late chapter… I thought I'd throw in a little fluff ^^ So here's a short Thane POV interlude. ^^ **

Meditation did not have the soothing quality it usually possessed; even the improved quality of my environment couldn't calm me. My mind was filled with worry for my son. I tried over and over to understand what would possess him to leave his home on Kaje. Had he not been happy? His aunt had seemed to think he was; she said his change in demeanour was sudden. Something must have happened but I couldn't think what it might have been.

I wanted more than anything to talk with Shepard about this. It was unusual for me to feel that way, usually I was a strictly privet person. There was something about Shepard that made me feel I could confide in her. She hadn't judged me for my profession, for my race… anything I'd told her had been met with nothing more than genuine curiosity and fascination. There was something else too… the familiar look in her eyes, that tired sort of emptiness I associated with battle sleep. If truly my commander was as disconnected as she seemed… then she would know the kind of torment I had felt. She would perhaps… understand.

But her needs had to come first. She was a busy woman and from what I'd seen the night before, she was already stretched to her limit. I wouldn't bring her anymore distress if I could at all help it. I worried about the self-destructive path her battle sleep had taken. She drank, smoked even admitted to drug use. She'd said she already suffered damage because of that yet she didn't seem to care.

I'd seen her briefly when I emerged from life support to take breakfast. She marched by like a woman possessed, Garrus and Tali in tow. She was dressed in her armour and I realised she was going out. I felt a little jealous that I wasn't going with her. Still… we had conveniently stopped at the citadel and I planned to make use of my contacts to try and track Kolyat, to see if he had arrived yet and if so, what he was planning.

That was indeed how I had spent my day, talking and meeting with various people, even going so far as carefully hacking into customs records to try and find trace of my son. From what I could tell… he hadn't yet arrived. I set some people on watch and asked I be notified the moment he arrived. That done I had checked in with the volus bankers I'd left Kolyat's package with… just to be sure. It was the only thing I could think of that might so drastically unnerve him in such a short time. The promised to contact me as soon as they had finished checking their records.

So I returned to Life support and tried to meditate, to clear my mind of my troubles. I found myself instead praying for Kolyat and even for Shepard's safety. I didn't like that I was apparently powerless to help either of them. I who had spent my life playing god with people's lives… was now utterly useless. It was not a feeling I appreciated.

The hour grew late. I tried to sleep but was restless. Eventually I decided that going down to the cargo hold and making use of the makeshift gym there might help my mind to focus. So I got up. I didn't bother to properly dress, I didn't expect any other crewmen but the necessity to be up so late so I exited in just some loose cotton trousers.

As my door opened, so did another. Through the port observation door came the master thief, Kasumi, struggling to carry a rather comatose Commander Shepard.

"Thane!" The thief gasped appreciatively. "Oh I'm glad to see you. Mind helping Shep up to the loft… I think she might have had one too many and I'm built for dexterity not strength!" As if to emphasise this she stumbled as she tried to walk, only just catching her balance on the wall beside her, Shepard groaning in protest at the rough handling of her companion.

I stepped up without a moment of hesitation and carefully scooped the commander into my arms. Lazily she wrapped her arms around my neck and her head fell gently onto my shoulder. Kasumi smiled brightly. "Thanks!" She gasped. "Don't think I'd have managed."

"You're resourceful, I've no doubt you would have found some way to get Shepard to her room." I point out. I had no doubt of course that that resourcefulness would have led to her leaving Shepard in the hallway and fetching me from life support or Vakerian from the main battery. Either way… I couldn't help but be pleased I'd taken that moment to leave life support.

I turned from the thief and carefully made my way to the elevator with Shepard in my arms, curled up like a sleeping child. As I rode the elevator upwards I noticed her sleep was anything but peaceful. Her brows furrowed, her eyes moved rapidly from side to side and occasionally she would moan.

The lift opened and I carried her through the small hall and into her quarters, carefully stepping over her preferred state of debris to her bed. I doubt I would have made it if it were not for my lifetime of assassin training. Finally, I deposited her onto her sheets. I looked her over, realising she was still in her under armour. I debated if I should remove it to allow her to sleep more comfortably. Eventually I decided against it, preferring to respect the Commanders modesty and not to tempt her wrath should she be offended at my interference. Instead I leaned down to pull the blankets over her. As I moved however, her eyes fluttered open and after a few seconds of drunken confusion, they focused on me.

She smiled at me. "Thane!"

I inclined my head a little and straightened up, her blanket still in my hand. "Shepard."

She frowned, groaning a little and looked around, taking in her surroundings. "Not that I'm complaining… but why are you in my room? Not coming to perve over me are you?"

I arched my brow. "No. Ms Goto asked that I bring you to bed after you passed out from drink in her quarters. It seems she was unable to carry you."

Shepard's eyes widened a little as she took this in. "I don't pass out from drink…" She insisted, pointing a finger at me. "I happen to be very good at… holding my liquor… too good in fact… bloody Cerberus! Can't even get proper drunk…" Her words were clumsy and slurred.

I smiled a little. "It would appear you are quite 'proper drunk' at the moment commander."

She scowled a little. "Don't you smart mouth me you smart arse… I know… my limits…" She trailed off, her eyes running over my face, down my neck to my bared torso. "God you're gorgeous." She gasped. "Like… a rainbow… but mostly green. And you sound like chocolate… really… good chocolate. Not that cheap shit."

I couldn't help the smile that spread on my lips at her nonsensical compliments. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were flirting with me commander." I teased.

She propped herself up in her elbows and frowned up at me. "Is it working?"

I smiled again. "Not especially I'm afraid. Your drunken state rather lowers the appeal of your words."

She flopped back on her pillows. "Damn." She looked me over again. "I like it when you smile Thane. You should smile more often. You look so grumpy usually."

"The same could be said of you Shepard."

"Seryna."

"Excuse me?"

"I prefer Seryna… those beneath me call me 'Shepard' or 'Commander'… I'd rather you called me Seryna." I was honoured by her declaration, even if it was drunkenly done. Perhaps she would change her mind sober… but for the moment, I appreciated it.

"If that's what you would prefer."

"Uhuh. It's an order."

"I see." I tried to pull the blankets over her but she stopped me.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Trying to put you to bed."

"Pfft. You daft man, I can't go to bed like this. I still have my armour on. Come on… help me up." She reached out to try and grasp my hand. I let go of the sheets and carefully helped her to her feet. She wobbled and grabbed onto my shoulder to steady herself. "Holy crap… tell Edi to get joker to slow the ship down…"

"We're stationary Shepard…"

"Seryna."

"Seryna… we're docked at the citadel."

She yawned. "Oh yeah." She carefully unzipped the armoured under weave she wore. I tried to avert my gaze for her modesties sake, but she struggled so much to get out of the clothing that I was forced to instead assist her, carefully peeling away the cloth to reveal her silky skin. Beneath she wore only basic under garments and I vehemently ignored my body's desire to react to her. I would not… in any way… take advantage of Seryna's drunken state. I respected her. I cared for her wellbeing. I would protect her against such unscrupulous individuals.

Finally undressed before me, Seryna laid herself back onto the bed, her hands running from my shoulders down my arms to my hands and with a grip like iron, she pulled me to lean over her.

"Seryna…" I didn't have any chance to form a sentence; her lips were on mine in another instant. Her kiss shocked me, took me completely off guard. She was gentle… the stark contrast in her persona revealing itself again. Her kiss was timid, chaste… almost innocent. Her arms snaked around my neck as instinctively I deepened the kiss, running my tongue along her lips before I knew what I was doing. Obediently she allowed me access to her mouth… before I knew it I was the one leading the kiss. Everywhere she touched me left a spark of warmth behind her, leaving trails of fire on my flesh. The fire sunk through my skin to the soul beneath and in an instant… I awoke. Precious feeling flooded through me, like that first gasp of air after drowning…adrenaline coursed through me as the intensity of her… of her kiss… caught up with me. I pulled away with a gasp, my eyes wide in shock as I looked her over.

She was beautiful, her black hair like a dark halo around her head, beautiful against the white of the sheets. Her faced was a little flushed, whether from the alcohol or my kiss I couldn't be sure. Her eyes were as open as mine; I saw fear… so much I wanted to comfort her.

"Seryna…"

My Omni tool chimed with a message and whatever spell had been cast between us was shattered. Her eyes steeled over, locking me out once more.

She stretched and yawned, trying I saw, to be casual. "You should probably answer that. At this time of the night cycle it's probably important." She rolled over onto her side and reached out to collect the blanket that had fallen forgotten from my hands. She pulled it over herself and closed her eyes on me.

Fleetingly I considered refusing to go, I considered leaning down and demanding another kiss from her… but in my heart I knew the moment was gone and any such behaviour would now not be tolerated. Instead I brushed my hand over her shoulder as I straightened up. "Edi… turn out the lights please." The AI did as I directed and I began to move to the door. "Goodnight Seryna."


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX – WANT AND NEED**

**AN: Violence warning for this chapter. **

_ "Fall back!" I shouted. "Fall back and protect the kids!" It was supposed to be a day of glory… of change for the better. It was a mess. _

_ I fired my gun taking down one advancing red from the left and an alliance marine on the right. "Come on!" I grabbed the arm of a man apparently determined to hold his ground. He looked up at me with a grim look on his face before nodding and turning to retreat. He was shot in the back as he darted for cover and fell face forwards to the concrete… blood staining the single white line on his red bandana. I stared for only a millisecond before shouting my command again and making my own way back towards my warehouse home. _

_ As soon as we turned the corner onto my street I knew there was trouble. There was screaming… smoke in the air… the smell of death. _

_ We were still trying to take cover from reds and marines pursuing us… now we faced another group of reds ahead of us. _

_ We took cover as best we could, half my men fighting ahead, half fighting behind. I glanced over the top of the crates we'd hidden behind and felt my eyes grow wide at the sight. My beloved warehouse… orange with vicious flame. "No!" I heard myself scream out, my heart thundering against my ribs. My kids! I prayed to anyone that would listen that they were ok… that they had got out. I wanted to run to them, to fuck this stupid gang war and just get them to safety… but enemy reds blocked the way. _

_ My men were taking hits… We were sitting ducks… blocked in and being slaughtered. _

_ "Go!" Vince shouted at me. _

_ "What the fuck are you talking about!" I spat back. _

_ He nodded his head at the warehouse. "We'll give you some covering fire, go get the kids." _

_ "You'll be massacred!" _

_ "We're gonna be massacred anyways…" He said blankly. "Best get some of em out." _

_ "Vince…" _

_ "Don't Vince me bitch! Do as you're told!" He shoved at my shoulder, almost pushing me out of cover. "We knew what we was doing when we started this… but they didn't know nothin'. They don't deserve this shit!" _

_ I glanced to the warehouse. He had a point. "I'm sorry I got you into this shit." _

_ "Naw, we was the ones that got you in this shit. Go." _

_ With a final glance at my right hand man, I nodded and turned, darting out from cover and racing as fast as my feet would carry me through enemy lines. I heard Vince roar behind me as he and what was left of my men shouted "For Shepard!" before firing viciously at their attackers, granting me the essential cover I needed. _

_ I made it to the warehouse and threw open the office door only to be met with a wave of thick black smoke. I swore and ripped my bandana from my arm to tie over my face… the single white stripe clearer than ever. _

_ I fumbled around the wall and found what I desperately sought, smashing my hand into the buttons I found. A fire alarm went off, ringing in my ears as the sprinkler system set off, raining down on my head. I fumbled around some more and found the control for the front door. I held it down, hearing the mechanisms grind as the large metal door struggled to open. _

_ I got it maybe a foot and a half off the ground before something snapped and the door was jammed. _

_ Smoke poured out of the gap and after what seemed like an eternity a few small figures rolled out and into the street, soot, ash and dirt all over their faces. I counted them as they crawled to safety choking as they came. Six. There was six of them… out of twenty one. _

_ "Where are the others!" I shouted out. _

_ Marcus looked up at me with heavy eyes. "Don't know Boss." He admitted shamefully. "I tried to watch em all… but Ryan got in with guns… Millie, Jake and Leo were shot down before we even knew they were there! Then they set the fire… I didn't see what happened. I'm sorry Boss." _

_ I moved over to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's ok Marcus, you did good. You need to get out of here… take the others and run. Get out of red territory… I'm counting on you ok." _

_ He didn't seem to believe me, but he certainly seemed determined to carry out my orders. He grabbed one of the youngest and hoisted him onto his back. "Come on… you heard the Boss, let's move!" _

_ Slowly the three other children pulled themselves to their feet and followed Marcus as he led them away, ducking into cover to avoid stray bullets from the gang war and alliance raid that still raged around them. _

_ I watched him for a moment, before ducking into the warehouse myself. _

_ The sprinkler system was only half working but it had at least dulled the fires a little. I saw a tiny body on the ground, scorched from the flames. I ran over and checked for any signs of life… but little Millie's green eyes stared up at me blankly. _

_ I looked around, trying to see through the smoke and fire. "Amy!" I shouted. "Carter!" There was no reply. I got up and continued into the warehouse, dodging flames and falling debris. "Holly! Rio!" Still no reply. I came across more bodies, three of them together. They had been trying to reach the exit it seemed… but hadn't made it. _

_ I choked on the smoke. There had to be more of them… there just had to be. _

_ "Boss!" The cry was weak but I heard it, it came from a stack of crates to my left. I dashed over and found seventeen year old Carter crouched in the corner, trying to shield Amy from the flames. _

_ I threw aside some of the burning crates, not even feeling the flames scorching my hands. "Come on!" I shouted reaching out to him. He pulled Amy up and ducked low. I grabbed him as he reached me and pulled him close. "Are their others?" I asked. _

_ He shook his head. "Don't think so Boss…" He choked on the flames. _

_ "Come on… the door's open." I pulled him along, trying to retrace my steps back to the exit. _

_ The smoke thickened in the air around me. I could hardly breathe… I couldn't see. "Come on… we're nearly there…" I pulled along the hand I felt clutched in mine. "Nearly there!" I gasped. Everything was black around me. I could feel the heat of the flames, smell the smoke, but I couldn't see. _

_ "You think you can get away from me?" The voice was not Carter's or Amy's. I spun around and let go of the hand I thought had been Carters. Ryan smirked at me, his eyes glinting. "You killed them all you know. They're only dead because of you." _

_ I shook my head wildly. "No! I didn't!" _

_ "You shoulda saved them; you should never have challenged me! You knew what would happen…" _

_ "You were killing your own people! Threatening them… threatening their families! I wasn't the first to think it! I was just the one with the balls to stand up to you!" _

_ "Theirs blood on your hands Seryna… their blood." He laughed at me as I glanced down at my hands. They were dripping in crimson blood. The ground beneath my feet shifted, no longer was I standing on concrete… but broken and twisted bodies, their blank, bloody eyes staring up at me. I knew their names… knew their faces. Millie… Vince… Marcus. More and more faces joined the group… my unit from Akuze… Jenkins… Ashley Williams. _

_ "No! I didn't do this!" _

_ "They trusted you!" Ryan spat. "You let them down! It's your fault." _

_ I looked back at Ryan meaning to scream at him, but my breath caught in my throat. He had Amy in his arms. She struggled against his filthy advances, crying and screaming. She turned her bright blue eyes on me. "Seryna! Help me! Please!" _

_ Ryan laughed and shoved her to the floor. He grabbed a handful of her dark brown hair and pulled her head up, his knife to her throat. His eyes glinted at me. "You better give me a damn good reason not to kill her." _

_ "Please!" I gasped my voice barely a whisper. "Please! Leave her alone!" _

_ He smiled at me. "You did this…" _

_ "No!" I shrieked as he drew the blade across Amy's neck, blood poured from her wound and she screamed as she fell. _

_ "I trusted you!" I she was gasping at me. "You promised to keep me safe! You promised!" _

_ I fell to my knees gasping for breath that wouldn't come. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"_

* * *

I woke drenched in cold sweat and panting like I'd run a marathon. I sat up and threw the covers off myself. "Edi… time!" I barked.

"Oh seven hundred Commander." The AI told me.

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and leaned my elbows on my knees, my head bowed at the floor. "Fuck." I rested my hand over my face as I tried to scrub the nightmare from my mind. It was one I'd had many times before… it always got a little worse each time I saw it. I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady my racing pulse before getting to my feet and heading to my bathroom. No way was I going to let this get the best of me.

I showered and dressed pulling my hair into its bun and forcing the fire into my eyes… just like I did every morning.

I checked my privet terminal on my way out. Still no word from Bailey though. I sighed, then headed to the crew deck.

"Not having breakfast Commander?" Mess Sargent Garner asked as I poured myself some coffee.

"Not today thanks." I said shortly.

"Most important meal you know…" He tried.

"No." My tone was full of a dark finality that shut the man up. I'd probably regret being so harsh later but right now my mood was venomous. Damn I needed to kill something. Sadly there wasn't much of that to do on the citadel and no way was I leaving until I knew for sure Amy was safe.

I took my coffee and started towards the elevator. I bumped into Kasumi on her way to breakfast. "Shepard!" Her voice was full of surprise. "Nothing keeps you down huh! I expected you to be out till at least noon after last night."

I frowned at her and massaged the bridge of my nose, trying to warn off a headache. "What are you talking about?"

Kasumi smiled. "You don't remember getting shit faced at my bar last night?"

I frowned as I struggled to sift through my fuzzy memories of the day before. I had gone to see Kasumi… she'd teased me about Thane apparently being attracted to me… Oh god. I felt my eyes widen in shock. Thane.

Kasumi laughed a little. "There it is. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone… Well… cept Thane, he had to carry you to bed last night…"

I put my hand up to silence her "Yes… thank you… I remember."

This time I was sure she winked at me as she passed to continue to breakfast. My eyes travelled to the door of life support and I inwardly cringed. I'd never been more humiliated in my life. I didn't have a great memory of what had happened… but I did recall Thane carrying me to bed… I vaguely recall him having to help me undress and… did I hit on him? That wasn't like me. Not in the slightest. What the hell has Kasumi put in those drinks! I'd have to find some way to apologise to him… if he didn't leave in disgust first.

I darted passed life support and into the elevator, hitting the button for the CIC almost violently. Yeah… I really needed to kill something. "Edi… have Garrus and Tali meet me at the airlock in ten. I need to shoot something."

* * *

Shooting something apparently wasn't on the agenda after all… but I did get pretty nasty with a c-sec officer and a volus that had accused an innocent quarian of theft. Tali was thrilled that I'd stepped in to help… honestly though I was just spoiling for a fight.

After we perused the stores for the hundredth time Garrus began to get agitated. "Shepard… we've been here twice and you didn't get anything the last two times. If you're done… lets go back to the Normandy and actually install some of these upgrades?"

I growled a little under my breath. I didn't want to go back to the Normandy… Thane was on the Normandy. I suppose I was officially avoiding him and the inevitable awkward conversation. "Go back if you want." I snapped. "I'm sure you have calibrations to finish."

"Yeah I do actually." He growled.

I shrugged at him. "Then get going!"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Why don't you come talk to me when you're not being a bitch?" With that he turned and stormed off.

Tali cleared her throat nervously. "I do have to finish some work on the new shielding Shepard… if you want to get a drink later…"

"No. I do not want to drink… ever… again."

Some understanding dawned in her glowing eyes. "Oh I see… well… you said that last time you had a hangover so… if you change your mind…"

"Yeah yeah… engine rooms… skillian five…"

She nodded and patted me on the shoulder before turning and leaving me.

I wondered around aimlessly for a while, I checked in with both Bailey in c-sec and Anderson in his presidium office. Bailey was frustrated that I kept bothering him… Anderson had no new news though he assured me he'd passed my contact information to Amy and Carter.

"You should go and see them… Amy seemed pretty upset by all this."

I shook my head. "That's likely to do more harm than good." I pointed out. "If I leave them alone, maybe nothing will happen."

"How long are you going to wait around on the citadel just in case?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Honestly… I don't know. He might not come after them at all… just to throw me off. It'd be like him… just use the fear against me. I've sent a message to... a friend of mine… she's looking into relocating them for me. Somewhere secret and safe. She also suggested new identities for the three of them. I told her to do whatever she thought would help. I suppose once all that is taken care of… then I'll move on."

Anderson frowned. "That could take a while."

I nodded. "Yup."

"What about your fight against the collectors."

I glared at him. "Anderson you know better than anyone I would tear this galaxy apart myself to keep them safe! So fuck the collectors! If anything happens to the three of them the galaxy is gonna have a much bigger problem." There was enough hate and menace in my tone to give Anderson pause. "I'm only fighting this war for them… if they're not safe… it's not worth fighting for."

"The rest of the galaxy is counting on you Shepard."

"Yeah well maybe I'm sick of being counted on." Ii glared at him. "Hell I couldn't die without someone pissing me about!" I sighed. I hadn't talked about my death with anyone yet. Not even Garrus. It was one of those things pressed on the back of my mind that I kept locked up. "I miss it you know…" I told him. "Being dead."

Anderson frowned. "How so?"

"I don't remember much… but I remember one thing…" I turned my dead eyes on him, catching his gaze with one of my own. "Peace. It's driving me nuts."

"Can't say I can sympathise with that one." He admitted after a long moment.

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm kinda the first of my kind." I sighed heavily and shook my head. "I should get back. Thanks for the talk."

He nodded. "My door is always open Shepard."

I unlatched my helmet as I strolled in from the airlock. I moved to the elevator meaning to go up to my loft to change, when Kelly piped up behind me. "Thane would like to see you in life support Commander."

I heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah… I bet he does." I groaned. "Alright, tell him I'll be there in ten."

The Yeoman smiled and nodded to me as I entered the lift.

I might have taken a bit more than ten minutes changing out of my armour and making myself reasonably presentable. Not because I was fussing over how I looked for him… well… maybe a little… but mostly because I was worried about what he would say. Was he angry about last night? Horrified? Disgusted? I stared at myself in the mirror a final time and with a heavy heart turned and headed back down to the crew deck.

I must have stood in front of the life support door for several minutes, stealing myself for a conversation I'd spent all day trying to avoid, before finally palming the green panel and stepping into his room.

The new environmental upgrades seemed to be doing wonders for life support. It was as hot and as dry as a desert.

Thane was, as always sitting at his table staring at the drive core.

"Kelly said you needed to talk to me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady and firm… daring him to make something of the night before.

"Yes." Came his musical voice. "Though now you are here… it feels harder to talk about."

I frowned a little crossing my arms over my chest. "If you have something to say then say it…" My tone came out a little harshly, but I didn't care. I was tired of him putting me on edge without even having to look at me.

He glanced at me over his shoulder, then got to his feet, his hands behind his back as he went to look over his collection of weapons. "I apologize for bringing this too you when you are so busy yourself, but I find myself in need of your help."

I frowned, guilt suddenly washing through me. This wasn't about my drunken behaviour? Now that he was a little closer to me, his back not fully too me, I could see the tension in his stance, the cold fear in his blank expression… the stiff way he held himself giving it all away. He was in distress and I'd probably just made it worse for him. Ten out of ten fuck up points Seryna.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and dropped my arms from around myself. "Sorry Thane… I didn't mean to be harsh."

"You're under a lot of pressure…" He said bluntly.

I shook my head. "That's not much of an excuse. I'm sorry." I couldn't remember the last time I'd apologised to anyone. Damn what was this man doing to me!

He finally looked at me properly. His dark eyes seemed darker than usual… I felt a kind of desperation mixed in with his fear. I stepped up beside him. "What can I do?" I asked.

"This will take some explanation."

I shrugged. "I have time."

He looked back at his guns. "I had a family once… I still have a son."

I frowned. Whatever I'd expected this was not at all it. "What happened?"

I shrugged a little. "I abandoned them… though… not all at once. There was no final argument, no slam of the door I just… did my job. Away on business my wife would tell people. I was always… away on business." He paused a moment looking ashamed of himself. "When my wife departed from her body I… attended to that issue…"

"How did she die?" I asked curiously.

He became… if possible… even more tense and I regretted my words. "In my line of work I make many enemies… when some of those enemies couldn't get to me directly… they paid the shadow broker to find out who I was and went after my family instead. They killed my wife… they were not…" He broke off a moment taking a breath before continuing. "She suffered. I attended to that, I left my son Kolyat in the care of his aunt and then… I hunted those that killed her." He turned to face me again. "I had been taught to grant death quickly and cleanly. But these men… I let them suffer… and there was satisfaction in it. When I returned Kolyat was older… happy with his aunt. So I left him there. I felt he would have a better life than what I could provide." His eyes searched my face and I realised he was looking for signs of what I thought of this. He was looking for my judgement of him and his actions.

I took a deep breath and leaned my back against his guns cabinet. His story… hit several raw nerves in me all at once. All that loss… all the pain, the lust for vengeance… that need to protect his son. I looked back at him. "You did the right thing." I said my tone as gentle as I could make it. He hadn't expected that. He was speechless for a long moment. "You had no way of knowing they would go after your wife and you did what you thought was best for your son. I can't find fault with it."

"But I murdered those men…" He tried to continue. I raised my hand and shook his head.

"No… you avenged your wife's death. God knows I'd have done much worse than just kill those men if they'd done that to me. So if you're looking for someone to blame you or cast a bad judgment on you then keep looking. You won't get it from me."

Relief flooded his features. Anyone else might not have seen it… but I did. It came like a wave in his eyes, his posture relaxed a little as some of the tension drained from him.

"So what do you need my help with?" I asked. "One of those fuckers gets away or something?"

He shook his head. "No. I was very thorough. My son… something happened that shouldn't have. I left a package for him, it was supposed to go to him after my death but he received it early. He knows where I have been… what I've done. I don't know why but he's come to the citadel… and taken a job as a hit man. I don't… this is not a path he should walk."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah… no shit. You think he might have done this to be closer to you?"

Thane looked away again. "That thought haunts me more than any other."

"Any idea where we start looking?"

He shook his head. "No. My contacts alerted me that he'd arrived on the citadel… more than that I don't know."

"Best get started then… and I just changed out of my armour." I said with a smile. I pushed myself off the cabinet and took a few steps towards the door.

"Commander?"

I glanced back, raising an eyebrow at him. "The citadel isn't going to search itself Thane… come on… suit up I'll be at the airlock in ten… Edi…" The AI's glowing orb appeared in the corner of the room. "Tell Garrus we got some work to do and he better be ready to go in ten… regardless of how many calibrations he's in the middle of."


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN – REPENTANCE**

**AN: Well, with all the favs and reviews I've been getting I feel rather guilty for not updating all weekend. :S Honestly though… wasn't my fault… I got the flu and have been metaphorically dead for the past 3 days. At least I now know what Shepard felt like waking up at Cerberus. LOL Anyways, reviews and whatnots are always well appreciated and definitely keep me motivated. I'm still struggling a little with this story but I like a challenge and as long as my readers like it… well… no reason to stop I guess. So… to make it up to you all, I intend to get 2 chapters up tonight… if you're lucky… :D**

* * *

"Bailey…" Shepard called to him as we entered the precinct. She had put on her armour and beat Vakerian and myself to the airlock. She seemed utterly focused… something my own fearful mind was grateful for.

The c-sec captain rolled his eyes at her approach. "I'm sorry Shepard I don't have any more news than I had five hours ago… all's quiet."

She scowled at him. "This isn't about that." For a moment my curiosity was peeked, what business would Commander Shepard have with c-sec? My curiosity was shattered in its infancy however when she began to ask about Kolyat. "My associate is looking for his son." She said. "We think some criminals might have hired him. Any ideas?" The Captain looked over me a moment.

"Well this should be easy. We don't see many Drell here… give me a moment." He looked through his records, scanning meticulously through the files. "A drell passed through customs recently… well well… he was seen talking to Mouse."

"Mouse?" I asked, the name triggering some uneasy memories. It couldn't possibly be the same person could it? Not after all these years?

Bailey inclined his head. "He's a former duct rat… runs errands for the local crime bosses. He might have passed some info to your boy."

"Where can we find him?" Shepard asked, she was obviously in no mood to linger. I appreciated her haste.

Bailey shrugged. "He usually works out of a public comm terminal outside of dark star." He looked back at me. "Sounds like your boy is running with the wrong crowd."

I nodded slightly. "I agree."

"We better not waste time then." Shepard was already half way to the door. I thanked the Captain and followed her out.

"You didn't tell him what Kolyat plans to do?" I asked.

She shrugged, arching one elegant eyebrow at me. "I also didn't tell him what you do for a living. Or do you usually discuss your contracts with the police?"

"Ah. A fair point."

"Yup. Come on… I'd rather not waste time on this one. Kolyat could already be on the way to fucking up his life…"

* * *

Finding Mouse was not difficult. He was right where Bailey had said he would be, working some deal I was sure wasn't legal. It pained me to see the boy… now a man… still struggling to get by. Still ignored by the rest of the galaxy. Honestly, I hadn't expected him to survive his childhood at all so I considered that an achievement. I was only sorry life had not been more kind to him.

"You mouse?" Shepard accosted him before I could speak with her; tell her that I knew the boy.

He turned round at his name and swore loudly when he saw me. "Krios! I thought you retired." I shook my head silently. "Commander Shepard? I thought you were dead? What do you want with me!" He was nervous, the fear rolling off him in waves.

"Be still." I tried to calm him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You can change your pants in a minute." Dry humour had always amused him before. This time it only seemed to make him mire afraid of me. I couldn't blame him. My appearance had never really been a good sign.

Shepard was looking from me to Mouse. "You know Thane?" She asked the boy.

Mouse frowned and folded his arms over his chest defensively. "Krios? He didn't tell you? Well if he didn't say anything I'm not saying nothing either!"

"When we heard the name I didn't think it would be the same Mouse. He and some of the other children used to gather information for me." I explained.

Her eyes darkened over at me… striking me to the core. Something I'd said… she disapproved of. "You put children in danger to work for you?" Her voice was icy cold; it chilled the depths of me… I even felt shame.

"Children… the poor… my people call them the ignored. They see everything. Mouse's help was invaluable."

She continued to glare at me for a long minute. She didn't see the justification I was sure. Honestly… I didn't truly see it myself. But those days were long in the past. What mattered now was the future. I turned and took Mouse by the collar. "You gave another drell instruction for an assassination. Who was the target?"

Mouse however, shook his head wildly. "Shit! Look those people… they can make me 'disappear'. I like you Krios but I ain't gonna die for you!"

Shepard lost her temper. She shoved the boy to the ground and rested her boot on his throat. Mouse begged me for help. "I don't have time for this." Shepard spat out at him viciously. The display of violence disturbed me… it was… unnecessary I was sure. I couldn't help but feel it was partly my fault; my confession about my use of children in my work had angered her.

The boy continued to appeal to me for help… to save him from Shepard's wrath. I stepped forwards. "Help me then Mouse!" I pleaded. "My son is out there! In the dark!"

"Shit!" The boy cried out as Shepard increased the pressure on his neck. "He came with that holo you took of me Krios… said he needed work. I thought you'd want me too!"

"The name Mouse." Shepard growled out.

"Elias Kelham! He hired your boy!"

Finally Shepard removed her foot and Mouse scrambled to his feet. He glared at me, angry at my involvement in his pain. The hurt in his eyes wounded me and I felt shame. Shepard however, hardly seemed phased. "If you have any kindness for me Krios…" Said Mouse as he limped away. "You'll put a bullet in Kelham before you leave."

I watched him vanish around the corner… regretful. Vakerian tapped me on the shoulder to show Shepard was already several meters ahead of us. I moved to follow, keeping stride with the Turian. "She seems very focused." I mused aloud.

Vakerian nodded once. "She likes to pretend she's tough as they come… but there are a few things she doesn't take well. This…" He sighed and shook his head. "Must hit home for her."

I frowned and looked up at him. "How so?"

Vakerian however, just shook his head. "I'm not giving you details Krios." He looked down at me. "You read her file at all?"

"I confess I've had a little curiosity."

He nodded. "Then you know she grew up on the street? With gangs?"

"I'd… heard."

The turian indicated at Mouse. "That could've been her. This is the kind of underworld she comes from."

I hadn't considered that. I almost regretted asking her help at all. But I supposed her experience made her the best person to ask.

Shepard went straight back to Bailey who was happily waiting for us. Though he was unsure at first about bringing Kelham in… who apparently had been bribing him, he did agree to help. It took just thirty minutes for c-sec to bring the man in.

"He'll be expecting me to get him out of this…" Bailey said ruefully as we watched him being dragged in.

"Not today I think." I added thoughtfully. I turned to Shepard. "How do you want to handle this?"

She was admiring her gun and clicked the safety off. "Just follow my lead."

I inclined my head, I wasn't sure I trusted the menace in her eyes though. "Just remember we need him to talk. He's no good to us dead."

"Relax." She grumbled as we moved to the door.

"Pretty funny bringing me in like this Bailey!" Kelham snapped as we entered. "Who the hell are you!"

Shepard circled behind him, while I came to stand in front. She leaned casually on the back of his chair, her gun still in her hand. "I'm Shepard… Spectre."

"Prove it!" The man snapped.

Shepard moved fast, jamming the weapon under his chin. "I don't have to prove anything!" She snapped, venom dripping from every syllable. "Spectres are above the law… we clear on that!" She flicked the safety off before his eyes.

I watched Kelham swallow heavily. "Crystal."

"Good boy." She straightened up a little. "You gave a drell instruction for an assassination… who was your target."

For a moment I thought Kelham was going to fight her… but as he glanced up at her she took that moment to inspect her gun again. She didn't even look at him and yet she managed to terrify him. I could see why. She stood casually, like the situation was nothing more than a casual bother for her, the darkness in her eyes expressing a lack of patience… her weapon highlighting the danger he was in. Her dark hair had fallen from her bun and wavy locks trailed over her shoulder, the black stark against the dark green of her armour. It was one of the few times I'd seen her go anywhere without her helmet when outside of the Normandy… though I was glad for that. I doubted her anger would have been so effective if the malice in her eyes was hidden.

"Jorim Talid." Kelham said finally. "A turian politician in the 800 blocks…"

Shepard nodded once and twirling her gun a little, she holstered it and headed for the door. "Someone will be in to deal with you shortly. You're kinda below my pay grade." Her voice was back to that icy cold tone that chilled me. I glanced at her, but she didn't even look at me.

"That may go down as the shortest interrogation in history."

She just shrugged, apparently uncaring of her achievement. "You just have to know where to hit. Any man that hires someone else to do his killing is going to be something of a coward. It's the ones that do their own dirty work that you have to watch out for…" Finally she looked at me, her eyes closed off. "Like you for example."

I frowned as she went off to speak with Bailey. I wasn't sure how to take that. Was she complimenting me? It didn't feel like it. She was so hard to read when she was like this. It was like her focus made her blind to anything else… nothing else mattered too her. What kind of woman was it that could close herself so completely to everyone and everything? Even as Bailey tried to explain about the turian politicians racial hate she dismissed him. She didn't care she said… just get her to the place. Her dismissal seemed to shock Bailey a little too… but he did as she asked, calling us a car.

I watched Shepard as we travelled, she remained closed off. It was like her armour was defending her from more than just bullets. She retreated into it… whenever she wore it she was a different woman from the gentle, curious Commander of the Normandy. Whenever she donned the dark green and gold plating… she retreated more into her battle sleep. The longer she stayed in it, the harder or darker the mission, the harder it became for her to awaken later. I wished I could help her. But what could I do? She seemed a strange kind of comfortable in her sleep. She'd accepted it as I had once done. She was numb to the world around her and she preferred it that way.

The car landed and we stepped out onto the high-street.

"How are we doing this?" She asked, deferring to my expertise.

I indicated upwards. "You follow from the maintenance catwalks." I instructed. "Keep a close watch on him."

She nodded, glancing up at where I indicated. "Where will you be?"

"The darkest corner with the best view." I assured her.

She nodded and turned. I watched her leave before clasping my hands together. My body was flooded with the fear of my soul. I needed focus… I needed what Shepard seemed to have right now. Kolyat was counting on me.

I offered a prayer to Amonkirah, begging for the strength I needed to save my son. As I spoke the words the familiar cool calm found its way to me, blocking out my soul's unease and allowing my body to function in its robotic way. Battle sleep certainly had its advantages.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT – REPENTANCE II**

Following the turian was child's play, more so from up on the catwalks where I could get a pretty decent view of the citadel below me. I found myself looking through salvage for useable tech while waiting for the damn creature to move.

"Can you give me an update?" Thane asked over the comm.

I glanced at Jorim over my shoulder while I hacked into a nearby computer terminal. Yeah… we women can multitask. "He's talking with some voters… god he's so full of bullshit." I rolled my eyes at the turians anti-human speech.

Finally the damn man began to move and slowly I wondered along the catwalk to follow him… it was still dull. He stopped again and again, spreading his hate, shaking down businesses… being a general nuisance. I hated him already. I got so bored I found myself trying to spot my assassin comrade in the dark corners or nestled in the crowds. No matter how hard I looked however, I couldn't spot him. Damn the man was good.

Instead my eyes drifted over the people below me, going about their business… shopping, meeting with friends and family, working or just finishing working. I even spotted a turian shaking his stuff on the dance floor and had to stifle a giggle. Commander Shepard, saviour of the citadel did not giggle damn it!

In many ways, I couldn't help but envy the people below me, living out just another day… continuing in their blissfully ignorant, simple lives. I couldn't count the number of times I'd wished for a simple life. How different would my life be if I didn't have to worry about Collectors or reapers or whatever the hell the galaxy was threatened by… would I have been happy?

I sighed heavily over my own depressing thoughts. It was no good dwelling on what I didn't have. People like me didn't get to live simple lives… hell, Thane had tried and look how that turned out for him. No… it was better this was. I was where I belonged… trudging along a maintenance catwalk out of sight to everyone and watching a racist bastard while looking for an assassin. Oh yeah… life was good. I shook my head a little and gave Thane his update.

Finally the turian moved towards the apartments and I opened one of the doors to the catwalks to follow.

A maintenance worker stopped me. "Hey!" He snapped. "What are you doing up here!"

I rolled my eyes. "I so don't have time for this." I punched the kid in the gut and then slammed a fist into the back of his head. He went down… out cold and I raced to the next door. No way was I loosing this damn turian. No way was I letting Kolyat make the biggest mistake of his life… I was pretty sure it would destroy whatever little was left of Thane. Failure… was not an option. On any level. Kolyat would get out of this if it killed me…again.

I raced forwards and saw the boy leaning against the wall, waiting for Talid to walk by him. It had to be him. He was drell for a start… and he had Thanes eyes. It was all they had in common, but it was enough.

He moved and my heart began to race, the adrenaline flooding me as he drew out his gun…

"Kolyat!" She shouted roughly.

It was enough; it distracted him for a second and alerted Talid and his guard to danger. Talid got away, but Kolyat wounded the Krogan enough that he fell. Impressive for a first timer. Obviously he got 'some' of his father's skill.

Thane caught up to me as Kolyat raced after Talid. "Thane!" I gasped, meaning to update him.

"I saw." Came his immediate reply. "They're headed to Talid's apartment."

Thane wasn't quite as fast as me and I reached the apartment first.

The scene that had unfolded was like something out of a parent's worst nightmare. Talid was on his knees, Kolyats gun at the back of his head. I drew my own weapon and pointed it at the boy. It didn't feel right, none of it did. The whole thing left me seething.

Thane finally came in behind me, along with Bailey and a pair of c-sec guards.

"This… this is a joke!" He snapped seeing Thane. "Now? Now you show up!" I scowled a little. Ungrateful brat. Wasn't he pleased that his father came for him? Wasn't that what this was all about? I knew a cry for attention when I saw one. He had no other motivation, he wasn't protecting anyone… he was just making a statement. A teenager with a serious tantrum. "Back off!" the boy snapped, his voice laced with hate and anger. "I'm walking out and he's coming with me."

Thane shook his head a little. "They'll have snipers outside." He pointed out.

"I don't need your help!" He spat back. "All of you back off! I'll kill him!"

I rolled my eyes. "No you won't…" I lowered the aim of my gun and shot the turian, he slumped to the ground, blue blood pooling at the boys feet.

"Oh my gods!" Kolyat cried. Good… he was finally realising how much shit he was in. I lowered my gun and glared at him.

"Hostages only work if your enemy cares if they live." I pointed out.

Thane turned frowning eyes on me. "An interesting solution." His voice was laced with disapproval.

I scowled back. Wasn't his son's life and innocence worth more than the damn turian? "He was a criminal and a racist. He had it coming."

"Isn't that what you do?" Oh great… the boy was back to bitching. "Kill bad people!"

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him again. Something about that glare made him pause… good. "Kolyat your father and I have been killing for years so kids like you don't have too. No need for you to start now." My voice came out angry and harsh. Frankly the boy was lucky I hadn't shot him… if I didn't for some reason care so much about Thane's good opinion… I shook my head a little.

"I read your files!" The boy snapped. "Why is it ok for you to kill!"

Thane stepped a little closer to his son, his body language cautious. "The hanar trained me from the age of six. I didn't know any better." That shut the boy up. "When I met your mother… she woke from my sleep. She showed me another life."

"Then why did you leave! Why weren't you there when she died!"

"Your mother… they killed her only to get to me. It was my fault." This shocked the boy too. He unfolded his arms and looked at Thane with a kind of confusion. He obviously didn't have the whole story. "After her body was sent to the deep I went after them… the ringleaders… the trigger men. I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were older. I should have stayed with you…"

Kolyat scowled. "I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long huh."

"Kolyat, I've taken many bad things out of the world. You are the only good thing I ever added too it."

His words… the pitiful tone in his voice, he pierced through my armour better than any damned bullet. I wished to god I had my helmet on as I struggled to contain my emotions. I froze out, wrapping my pride around me like a cloak. This was about Thane… not me. Apparently it was too much for them too. Both now had tears streaming down their faces. I turned away. I couldn't watch.

"This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers." Said Bailey, stepping forwards. "Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct … give them a room and as much time as they need."

I had a new respect for Bailey. "You don't have too." I remarked. "Why are you helping them?"

He glared at nothing in particular. "You think he's the only man that screwed up raising a son?"

I glanced to the drell. Thane had stepped close and put his hand on his sons shoulder. "Amen to that." I murmured, sure that no one… not even Garrus standing right behind me… would have heard.

* * *

I paced Baileys office like a cadged varren. None of this sat right with me. This whole mission had somehow managed to unnerve me. The more I thought about Thane and Kolyat, the choices that each of them had made, the more I wondered about my own life decisions. Had I chosen he right path? Would those involved forgive my mistakes and trust my judgement when I myself had doubts? My thoughts strayed to my old friends Amy and Carter. Had I done right by them? They should never have had to carry my burdens but now… now our fates were tied together.

I felt a talon hand on my armoured shoulder. Garrus was stood behind me. "Relax." He said gently. "You're gonna put holes in the floor."

I shook my head and leaned on the edge of Bailey's desk to stop my pacing. I was eager to be back on the Normandy. The day had been long and I was running out of emotional strength. I needed a hot shower, a cigarette and a few shots of good old fashioned vodka.

"They've been in there a while." I commented.

"The kids been through a lot." Bailey replied. "You know.. I ran some searches in the c-sec archives. About ten years back a bunch of real bad people were killed… like someone was cleaning house. The prime suspect was a drell. We never caught him."

I shook my head. "Let it go Bailey." I growled out.

"Well someone's going to have to deal with it. Doesn't have to be me though." He warned.

I shrugged as the doors to the interrogation room opened and Thane walked out. He seemed rigid... tense. Seemed to me like he could use a shot or two of Vodka too. If I wasn't feeling so fragile right now, I might have invited him up.

"How'd it go?" I asked, surprising myself with my need to know. Part of me I suppose, hoped that if it had gone well for Thane… if his son had forgiven him… maybe it wasn't too late for the parts of my life that still haunted me.

"Our problems… they aren't something I can fix with a few words." He said shamefully, hanging his head and staring at the floor. He blamed himself. It was written all over him. Finally he looked back at me. "We'll keep talking… see what happens."

"Well, your boy shot at some people. No one I feel sorry for but there it is…"

I rolled my eyes at the Captain. "That kid goes through the system we both know he's there for the rest of his life! Those men were a waste of skin… scales… whatever."

"If you've got another suggestion Commander… I'm listening." Said Bailey.

"Give him a job." I shrugged. "He can work off his 'debt to society' and you can keep an eye on him."

Bailey scowled at me… I scowled right back. "Sounds like more work for me." He stated sourly. "And I can't just deputise him into c-sec, you have to go through channels."

I darkened my scowl, matching my will against his. "I didn't say have him work for c-sec... I said have him work for you."

He glared right on back at me for a long moment, before finally he submitted. He got to his feet to shake hands with me and Thane. "Interesting. I'll think about it."

"You do that." I made my grip a little tighter, then nodded and turned my back, heading towards my beloved Normandy. I was so ready for this day to end.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE – FORGIVENESS**

**AN: So there's 2 chapters on my desktop waiting to be published... must mean its time to post some more. :) Getting into the juicy stuff now guys ^^ Hope you like. **

My mind was buzzing… I could hardly believe what had happened. Kolyat was not only safe, but employed and settled on the citadel. He had confided in me that he had wanted to make something of himself, that that was part of what had triggered his… outburst. He wanted a chance to prove himself and now that chance had been handed to him. He even seemed excited by the idea of working for c-sec. There were hardly any drell on the citadel, so it was a good opportunity for him to see the galaxy for himself, to learn about other cultures and find his place. I had been left with a kind of peace. My son… was well. I was confident he would make me proud, that he would be ok even after my death. I had Shepard… Seryna… to thank for it.

I wanted to thank her in person so as the evening drew on I attempted to visit with her in her loft. As I made my way to the elevator however, Vakerian stepped out a grim look on his face. He stopped me. "She's pissed. Just got her to go to bed…"

Fear and concern for my commander flooded me. "Is she alright?" I asked.

Vakerian inclined his head. "She'll be ok. She's just feeling a bit rough. Let her sleep it off."

I had to defer to Vakerian's expertise in this instance. He did know Seryna better than I did and I didn't want to cause her any further trouble if solitude really was what she desired. I nodded. "Very well." The turian appeared grateful for my understanding and went on his way, leaving me to return to my meditations in life support, hoping that I would see her tomorrow.

Sleep did not come easy to me. My relief haunting me in a way I had not expected. I kept replaying the memories over and over, reliving the fear, the realisation of how close I'd come to loosing Kolyat completely. Over and over I saw Seryna's wrath, her fierce determination… the fire and the anger in her eyes as she would accept no less than success.

She killed the turian so my son wouldn't be able too, protecting him from that road. She fought for him as ferociously as I had. She was terrifying and beautiful at the same time, both a warrior and an angel. The more I considered it; the more I remembered how she had looked as she fought for me, the more beautiful she seemed. Her wild black hair was as untameable and as changing as her personality; her features were sharp and distinctive, her green eyes full of an almost primal passion. Each scar she supported was testament to her power, her strength… all of which could be seen in her eyes even as they steeled over in defence.

The more I thought about her, the more I came to realise how much she now meant to me. The idea that she was distressed unnerved me as it had once unnerved me to hear of Irikah's troubles. I wished her every joy and happiness. I wished to be the one to give her that happiness. It troubled me that she had and so often shut me out. I had to be patient. I decided. It was unlikely she felt for me as I did for her. She would need time to come to trust me. Trust I had noticed, was not something that came easily to my Siha. There could be no doubt on it… she was my Siha. With that conclusion and fantasies of her dark her and green eyes floating in my mind, I finally found sleep.

* * *

"Vakerian!" The shout was enough to wake me from my slumber. It took me several minutes to realise what it was I had heard, but the moment I realised I shot from my cot and raced from life support.

"Vakerian!" Seryna's voice was dark, shrieking almost as she called for her friend. As I stepped out of life support I noticed a few of the crew had come to the door curiously. Samara had also stepped out from her quarters. I was sure from a shift in the air that Kasumi was already up and keeping an eye on the situation.

I rounded the elevator to find her in the mess, screaming down the corridor to the main battery. When the turian emerged she grabbed a heavy pan from the counter and threw it at her friend in angry abandon. He dodged it easily and, realising he was under attack, sharpened his stance immediately.

"Shepard! What the hell!"

"They're gone!" She screamed, grabbing a plate from the table and choosing to throw that instead. Chakwas emerged from the med bay looking at the Commander with concern.

"They're fucking GONE Vakerian! Right… from… under… c-sec's… fucking… nose!" She punctuated each word with another plate.

"How is throwing plates at me going to change that!" The turian snapped.

"It makes me… feel better!" Another handful of plates went to the turian, one smashing against his head.

"Well it's giving me a headache! Knock it off!"

"I'll fucking knock you off!" She threw a mug this time, having run out of plates. The crew was beginning to mass in a small crowd, watching the scene with mixed responses. Some looked frightened… others seemed amused.

I knew this was not what she would truly want. She was a privet woman after all… her body was reacting to her soul's distress. I was sure that she wasn't even angry at Vakerian… only that she needed something to blame for whatever ill fortune had befallen her.

I stepped up fast and silent behind her and grabbed her wrist as she moved to throw a bowl at Vakerian.

She turned her cold steel eyes on me. "Get the fuck off me!" She snapped. The steel was cracking… beneath I could see utter torment. It broke my heart to see her in so much agony. I didn't have long… any moment she would break down entirely, I was sure of it.

"Perhaps this is a discussion best had upstairs." I nodded my head towards the crowd that had gathered around the mess, watching with fascination as their commander bashed plates against her turian XO.

With an impressive show of strength she twisted out of my grip and shoved me away. "Fine!" She barked. "Vakerian!"

"I'm coming!" He protested, already walking down the corridor. She stormed towards the elevator, the crowds parting for her. "Thanks." The turian murmured to me.

"Is she still drunk?" I murmured back, following Vakerian to the elevator.

"If she isn't, she soon will be…I can take it from here." He said as we reached the elevator, Shepard already inside and tapping her foot impatiently.

I stepped in beside them "Not this time." I said coolly.

Vakerian looked to Shepard who glared at me for almost a full minute, trying to force me to back down with her strength of will alone. My desire to aide her however, outmatched her sense of pride. Finally she reached over and hit the button for the loft. The doors slid shut and up we went.

* * *

"So" Vakerian started as we entered Shepard's room, Shepard herself making a beeline for her alcohol and cigarettes. "Want to tell me why you decided to smash most of the mess hall against my head?"

She turned in fury and threw a data pad at him, which he caught dexterously in one of his hands. Apparently he was rather used to her projectiles by now. He skimmed over what was written, his brow furrowing and his eyes darkening. He moved down the steps to Shepard and took the shot glass from her as she finished her drink. Reluctantly she handed it over. She flopped down onto her sofa… defeated. Her anger drained out of her and left sorrow in its wake. "I shoulda known c-sec couldn't handle Ryan… Hell the fucking alliance couldn't handle that prick!"

"Seryna… we still have time."

"Fuck off!" She snapped at him. "They're 'gone' Garrus… c-sec hasn't got a clue where they went."

"Yeah but it also says there was no sign of a struggle."

"They wouldn't leave if they weren't in danger."

"So maybe they're still a step ahead of Ryan! You said yourself Carter is a bright kid. Look… I'll contact Liara, she can tap into the security feeds… use her agents and contacts to locate them. We'll find them Seryna."

Slowly she nodded. "I'm certainly not giving up without a fight." She growled. "One way or another… this ends now." She was glaring at the wall ahead of her. "I'm sick of running. I'm sick of being scared of Ryan."

"So we'll put a bullet in him. Job done."

She looked up at her turian friend with a mix of fierce determination and gratitude in her eyes. I was unable to prevent the pang of jealousy I felt over their relationship. "Thanks Garrus. I couldn't do this without you… you know that right?"

He ruffled her hair with a laugh. "Sure you could. Not as stylishly of course…"

She actually laughed a little and he handed her back her shot glass. "Thane is gonna put you to bed while I call Liara. You better get some sleep while you can. This isn't going to be easy."

She snorted. "Sleep… yeah… sure."

"You want me to call Chakwas?"

"Hell no! The shit she gave me last time… I was out for a fucking week! Don't worry… I'll try."

Vakerian seemed satisfied with this promise and got up to take his leave. He handed me a bottle of Vodka on his way passed that he had somehow managed to discretely collect from her table without either of us noticing. "Knock her out if you have too." He murmured.

"I heard that! Super human hearing remember!"

"Good! You know what the consequence is then!"

Finally the turian left, leaving me with Shepard. I put the bottle on her desk before making my way down to the sofa's where she sat, carefully stepping over clothes and sketches on the floor.

"I suppose you want to know what the hell all this is about huh."

I shrugged. "It would be nice, but not essential."

She looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Seriously?"

I inclined my head. "You may keep whatever secrets you wish, as long as you allow me to assist you however I can. I owe you that much."

She looked away and snorted. "Right… I saved your son. That was nice of me." She leaned forwards to put her glass on the table and looked around for her missing alcohol.

"Indeed. You have my eternal gratitude." I sat beside her and reached out to take her wondering hand in my own.

"Where the fuck has that turian put my booze!" She snapped.

"Out of reach." I replied, gently trying to pull her towards me. Finally she noticed what I was doing and abandoned her search to focus on me. She looked at me with a mix of surprise and incredulity.

"What are you doing?" She asked tartly, trying to wrench her hand from my fingers. I was ready for her dexterity and strength this time however and kept my grip.

"You said once that my presence… my body… allowed you to focus and too an extent relax. I was hoping you might consider me an alternative to alcohol."

She blinked up at me for a long moment, digesting what I'd said. She didn't seem to fully understand me. "What'chu talking about Thane?"

"I am here for you Seryna. Whatever you need." My words of comfort did not have the desired effect. If anything, she seemed to become more agitated. I released her hand, hoping that might help calm her. She pulled away immediately and got to her feet, side stepping the coffee table to pace in front of her bed.

"I don't suppose you've had much time to talk with Kolyat yet… find out how he's settling in."

I was taken aback by her sharp change of subject, but I followed her lead. "Not yet. I had been thinking about what to record in a message for him but… it is hard. Most things worth keeping are."

She nodded subtly. "Amen to that."

"I feel I owe you an apology though." I confessed, leaning forwards a little in my seat. She looked round at me expectantly. "I should have told you sooner about Irikah… about her death and what I'd done."

She shrugged casually. "We all have our secrets Thane. I don't blame you for guarding yours. If I did… I'd be one hell of a hypocrite."

"Irikah woke me from my battle sleep… when she died I returned to that state. I tortured and killed the men that dared to harm her…"

She sighed heavily interrupting me and putting a hand to her head. "I told you… I won't cast a bad judgement on you for it. I would have done far more than that to anyone that had hurt the person I loved… I would have gone mad…" She added the last phrase quietly, almost as if she didn't want me to fully hear her. "I'm glad we got there in time for Kolyat." She said at last. "I've seen far too many young people get lost in that kind of world. It feels good to have saved one more from it."

I nodded in agreement. "I don't think I've spoken to anyone about my family before." I said carefully. I smiled at her as she turned to look at me. "It feels good to have shared that burden. Thank you."

She shrugged casually but fixed me with a gaze that was anything but. "I'm here for you Thane." She said quietly.

I smiled again. "Thank you Siha. Though right now I should be the one helping you…"

She frowned and cocked her head to one side, curiosity in her gaze. "I think my translator just glitched… what did you call me?"

I felt heat rush to my throat as I realised my slip. I hadn't meant to call her that aloud. I shifted a little and I saw her notice my unease. Odd how easy she could read me. "Er… 'Siha'… someday I'll tell you what it means."

She didn't seem impressed with this idea, but to my surprise she didn't push the subject. She just shrugged and sat herself on the edge of her bed, her eyes downcast as they focused on the floor. He troubles still swimming just beneath the steel she used to guard herself.

I got to my feet and approached her. "Is there something I can get you?"

She shook her head and shied away from me as I approached. "No! No thank you. I…" She sighed heavily and stared back at the floor. "I'm glad to have someone to talk too." She admitted. "You're right… having you around is relaxing." Finally she turned a smile on me, though it was strained and fragile. "I think I will try and sleep."

I inclined my head and sat back down on the sofa. "I will keep watch. If anything should come up I will wake you." If all she required was my presence… she would have it… for as long as she needed me.

She looked a little sheepish "You don't mind?"

"Not at all." I leaned back in the chair and made myself comfortable to emphasise my point.

"Alright…" She got up and made her way to her bathroom. "Thanks." She said as she passed me.

I watched her out of sight and followed her movements when she emerged a few minutes later, cleaner and wearing a set of pyjamas with the Cerberus logo on the chest. She threw back the sheets of her bed and slipped between them, drawing them up to her chin and she rolling to curl up on her side.

"Edi… dim the lights please." I asked gently. I was humbled that she would trust me enough to allow me to remain as she slept… to be her comfort in her time of vulnerability. I hoped I was strong enough to aide her as she had aided me.

I bought my legs up to cross under me and relaxed into prayer and meditation asking the gods for guidance and for the strength to protect their Siha.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN – THE BEGINNING OF THE END**

**AN: Phew! One hell of a chapter coming up here people. This is the turning point… the crux… the start of the awesomeness that I've been planning since chapter one! Hope I've managed to do it justice. ^^**

**Violence and dark theme's warning for this chapter.**

* * *

_ The smoke thickened in the air around me. I could hardly breathe… I couldn't see. "Come on… we're nearly there…" I pulled along the hand I felt clutched in mine. "Nearly there!" I gasped. Everything was black around me. I could feel the heat of the flames, smell the smoke, but I couldn't see. _

_ "You think you can get away from me?" The voice was not Carter's or Amy's. I spun around and let go of the hand I thought had been Carters. Ryan smirked at me, his eyes glinting. "You killed them all you know. They're only dead because of you." _

_ I shook my head wildly. "No! I didn't!" _

_ "You shoulda saved them; you should never have challenged me! You knew what would happen…" _

_ "You were killing your own people! Threatening them… threatening their families! I wasn't the first to think it! I was just the one with the balls to stand up to you!" _

_ "Theirs blood on your hands Seryna… their blood." He laughed at me as I glanced down at my hands. They were dripping in crimson blood. The ground beneath my feet shifted, no longer was I standing on concrete… but broken and twisted bodies, their blank, bloody eyes staring up at me. I knew their names… knew their faces. Millie… Vince… Marcus. More and more faces joined the group… my unit from Akuze… Jenkins… Ashley Williams. _

_ "No! I didn't do this!" _

_ "They trusted you!" Ryan spat. "You let them down! It's your fault." _

_ I looked back at Ryan meaning to scream at him, but my breath caught in my throat. He had Amy in his arms. She struggled against his filthy advances, crying and screaming. She turned her bright blue eyes on me. "Seryna! Help me! Please!" _

_ Ryan laughed and shoved her to the floor. He grabbed a handful of her dark brown hair and pulled her head up, his knife to her throat. His eyes glinted at me. "You better give me a damn good reason not to kill her." _

_ "Please!" I gasped my voice barely a whisper. "Please! Leave her alone!" _

_ He smiled at me. "You did this…" _

_ "No!" I shrieked desperately. "Help! Someone!" _

_ A green scaled hand appeared from the darkness behind Ryan and wrapped around his neck. In shock Ryan dropped the blade he held to Amy. The girl whimpered and rushed over to me, her slender arms wrapping around my neck as she sobbed into my shoulder. My eyes were fixed on the green hand. It gripped at Ryan's throat, choking him. Another matching hand appeared and gripped Ryan's head. In a sudden movement the hands snapped Ryan's neck. My adversary's eyes widened in shock… he fell to his knees then melted into darkness. _

_ I couldn't speak I was so shocked. _

_ Thane appeared from the darkness, his face full of concern… full of care and worry. He reached out his arms towards me… the same hands that had just killed my tormentor… freed me from that man's wrath and saved Amy. _

_ "Siha…" His voice was like music… beautiful peaceful music. "Siha! You are safe!" _

* * *

"Siha! Wake up! You are safe!" The urgent baritone voice transcended my dream… pulled me from my sleep and back into the waking world.

I groaned loudly as my eyes forced themselves open and focused on the man hovering above me. His hands were on my shoulders, he was shaking me a little, his dark eyes full of that same concern and care I'd seen moments before. "Thane… What is it!" I suddenly sat bolt upright. "Did Liara find them! Are they safe!"

"Not yet…" He confessed, letting go of my arms and stepping back. "You were… having a nightmare I think. Tossing and turning… shouting in your sleep." His look of fear and concern didn't fade.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that all?" I didn't mean to sound ungrateful… but getting to sleep was a hard thing for me. Being woken for something as trivial as a nightmare I had every other night did not set me into the best of moods. "Relax Thane… I always have nightmares." I tried to console him. It didn't work.

He folded his arms behind his back and stood straight, his eyes firm. "Who is Ryan?"

His tone and stance told me he wasn't going to accept any kind of fob off. So much for letting me keep my secrets. For a long moment I scowled at him, hating his demanding. Finally however, I relaxed a little. He wanted to help me… He seemed determined to do so and had so far been patient, offering me support without knowing what the problem was. I knew about his life, knew all his mistakes… I supposed I owed him something in return.

I sighed and threw off the blankets. "Alright… you want my life story… fine. Saddle up though, it's a big one." I indicated to the sofa and after a long look at my face, he finally moved back to make himself comfortable.

I scooted to the end of my bed and leaned forwards, watching him for a long moment as I prepared myself to tell my story to someone new. I hoped he understood the enormity of this… I hoped… god I prayed… he wouldn't hate me.

"Where to start…" I murmured. I sighed heavily. "Alright… this is the pitiful life story of Serenity Shepard…" I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes as I began to speak.

"I was born in London… god only knows where. I don't remember my parents. I only remember my brother. John Shepard. He raised me. He lived on the wrong side of the law. He had too. It was the only way to get by… to ensure our survival. He was a member of the tenth street reds, a local street gang that honestly… was pretty damn powerful. They owned most of the London gangs. It always went back to them and their leader, an evil prick of a man… Ryan King. Ryan was the meanest… nastiest thing you could come across. He was heartless, ruthless, merciless and paranoid. He suspected my brother was trying to take power from him. I don't know how true that is… I wouldn't have put it passed my brother to try but… there it is. True or not, Ryan was convinced. A couple of his men grabbed me from school one evening, hauled me before Ryan. It didn't take long for John to come for me. Of course he was walking into a trap.

Ryan tortured and… 'abused' me to get to my brother. It was the most horrific night of my life. He did it in front of a whole load of high ranking reds… to show them all what happened when there was even rumour of their disloyalty.

Eventually, Ryan shot my brother in the back of the head… right in front of me." I paused to take a shuddering sigh, the memory too vivid and too clear behind my closed eyes. I watched Ryan's laughter… saw my brother slump and fall to the floor as if it was happening right in front of me all over again. "I was thirteen." I told Thane.

If he was shocked, he didn't say anything. In fact, he said nothing at all. He just watched me with those dark eyes. He knew there was more and he was waiting for me to finish my story.

I got to my feet and paced to the fish tank, watching the empty water bubble before my eyes. "My nightmare was just beginning though. Ryan kept me alive. He said I was useful. Before I knew it I was doing drug runs and um… 'paying rent' to him and his reds… and when I say that I don't mean I was paying with money." I glared darkly at the fake plants in the bottom of the tank, my head beginning to pound against my skull as I spoke. "I hated Ryan but I refused to let him own me. I refused to become the wretch he was trying to turn me into. I found a purpose…

There were other kids… younger than me. Some had lost their folks to the streets or the gangs. Most were the nieces and nephews of current members… all of them were lost and had nowhere to go. No one to love them… just like me. So I started looking after them. Harry was my first kid… he was only a year or two younger than me… then one by one the others came to me. I sheltered them as best I could… I stole for them… I clothed them, fed them… kept them out of the way of Ryan. He didn't like it. He didn't like that I was taking 'recruits' from him, but he couldn't do anything to attack me openly. Like I said, most of these kids had connections within the reds and those reds were all grateful to me for taking care of them. They were grateful to know that if they died in the street wars or from the drugs someone would watch over their kids. They loved me.

Ryan did everything he could to keep control over me. He dominated me in every possible way. He had got me hooked on his drugs early on, so he tried to use that to his advantage. Tried to make me beg and demean myself… it didn't work. I kicked the habit before I knelt to him. He realised pretty quick that he couldn't hurt me directly… so he turned on my kids. Started threatening them if I refused him. That's how he held his power over me. He would make me beg for their safety… he knew I would sacrifice anything for just one of them…" I paused again, anger rising in me as it had back then. God how I hated that man. "For years I did as he asked just to keep them safe. It was his undoing though. The reds didn't take kind to having their kids threatened. Those that tried to stop him ended up dead, but instead of ensuring his power… that only incited more unrest. It didn't take long for a lot of reds to whisper… to find out how much… how many of them were against him. Before I knew it… my name was on all their lips. When I was sixteen one of the red veterans… a man named Vince, he came to me with a few of his boys and asked me if I wanted to be in charge. He told me the reds used to be something… they used to have standards and a sense of honour. He told me the reds wanted my honour… my sense of justice and fair play…"

"Surely that is an achievement Shepard?" Thane asked, finally interrupting me.

I snorted and turned to face him, leaning on the fish tank. "I guess. I was still a red through Thane. I'd did the drugs, I stole and I murdered to get by. Like I said I was thirteen when Ryan started using me. I didn't care what I did after that, as long as my kids were safe. I killed anyone who dared threaten them… except Ryan. I got things done. That's why Vince liked me I think. Sure I had a sense of honour… but I was ruthless. Ruthless enough to be a reds leader at sixteen he thought. I was tough… I didn't take no for an answer and I certainly didn't deal with bullshit. Part of me enjoyed the killing I think…" I admitted carefully. "To be in control of other lives even if I couldn't control my own…"

"So what did you tell Vince?" Thane asked, urging me to continue.

I shrugged. "I told him he was crazy to try and put a sixteen year old in power. The older reds would never stand for it. He pointed out he was an older red and he was suggesting it. He told me I had more influence than I thought. I didn't believe him…" I paused to shake my head again. "They all wore a red bandana on their left arms… it was our distinguishing mark." I explained, indicating to Thane where my bandana had once rested. "Vince took a piece of chalk off the ground and he drew a white stripe vertically down his bandana. He passed it to his men and they did the same. He told me to look for these white lines… every red that wore one… was on my side. So I watched…

In a few months I noticed a good handful had the stripe… within a year almost a third of the gang had them… eighteen months on… and two thirds had them. The more the white lines cropped up the more paranoid Ryan got. The more paranoid he got the more he threatened me. The more he threatened me… the more the white lines appeared. He realised pretty early what the lines meant… it scared him that there were so many so high in his ranks. He started sending me on suicide missions to try and get rid of me. They never worked. I refused to let him kill me that easily so I survived. I survived because I was clever, quick… and because I didn't let anyone stand in my way. I bought the reds success they'd never had before.

One night Vince came to me and told me it was time. No more hiding from Ryan he told me… no more taking his orders or letting him hurt me. We marched on him. Me and my white stripes…" I stopped again, it had become hard to talk… my throat was dry and my head was pounding. "I should have known better." I murmured. I spied my vodka on my desk and pushed up off the wall to grab it. I pulled the lid off and swigged a shot from the bottle. "It was a fucking massacre." I said at last, my voice rising… the tremor in my tone hinting at my distress.

I sighed. "As always, Ryan was ahead of me. He'd sent a tip off to the alliance who still had a beef with me for supposedly kidnapping one of their admiral's daughters." I waved a hand when Thane opened his mouth to ask a question, cutting him off and silencing him. "Amy was being abused… I rescued her… but that's another story. The point is, the alliance raided us the same night we chose to make our stand. Ryan planned it that way. He tipped off against his own gang because he knew I'd gotten powerful. He knew he couldn't beat me alone. He left most of his men to die and took just his closest members with him. By the time we realised we'd walked into a trap it was too late. We retreated as best we could but Ryan had circled his men around us and attacked from behind… from my base. He… attacked my base… ambushed my kids where I thought they'd be safe. He shot a few of them and then set the warehouse on fire. By the time I got the doors open for them… only six got out. Six… out of twenty one! Six…" I trailed off and took another shot from my bottle. "Amy… was like a sister to me. She was kind of my favourite I guess. Maybe it was because I rescued her personally… I don't know. We were closest though. She wasn't in the group so I went into the building to look for her. I managed to find her. She and her boyfriend Carter had taken some kind of shelter but gotten trapped by the fire. I burned my hands pretty badly getting them out but I didn't care.

We struggled to escape the building… when we did finally emerge; we were sitting in the crossfire between the white stripes and the reds. We tried to get away and came across the bodies of the other kids that had survived the initial fire. They'd been gunned down by Ryan's men. I was terrified. I was sure I was going to lose Amy and Carter…" Again I paused to take a shot. I moved back down the steps and sat on the edge of my bed, bottle in hand. "We were actually saved by the alliance. The then Commander Anderson recognised me and Amy. He and his men got us off the battle field. I had no choice but to let him take us. It was that or death and I didn't care if I went to jail… as long as Amy and Carter survived. Anderson took us to the home of one of his friends. He surprised me with that… Kaylee Sanders her name was. Anyways, she and him looked after us; got us food and medicine… looked after Amy and Carter while Anderson negotiated with the alliance brass. While I was there I learned of the white stripes fall. Most had been killed or sent to jail. The names that didn't come up realigned themselves with Ryan for the sake of their lives and their family's lives. Ryan however… didn't forgive and forget me. He sent me notes… he knew where I was… he knew who had survived. He promised vengeance. I knew he meant to come after Amy and Carter… he knew he couldn't hurt me directly.

Eventually Anderson came to me with a deal. He told me the alliance was impressed with my skills. He told me they would drop charges against me if I joined up with their 'rehabilitation program'. I promised I would… if the alliance promised to defend Amy and Carter against Ryan. The deal was made… Amy and Carter were relocated to the citadel well out of the way of Ryan and his now tiny street gang. They kept watch on them while I started life in the army… I severed contact with the two of them for their own good. I knew Ryan would be tracking me somehow to try and find them… so I stayed away. Everything I did though… I did for them. I sent a lot of my salary to them through Anderson and Kaylee. I just… they deserved better…" I finished my story an downed enough vodka to make up two or three shots.

I felt Thane move, his hand clasping the bottle and gently prizing it away from me. He set it down on the table and I was forced now to focus on him. I waited for his judgement… my heart pounding. What would he think of me now?

"I know…" I said shakily. "I know how much it must have killed you to loose Irikah." I murmured. "How afraid you must have been for Kolyat… God… All this I do… all this saviour business… I do it for Amy, Carter… and Hope. Their baby. If anything happened too them…"

Thane sat on the bed beside me and very gently wrapped his arm around my shoulders. The feel of his skin was never as wonderful as it was in that moment. He leaned forwards and pressed his smooth lisp to my temple. My heart raced and my stomach did triple flips.

"I am to assume… that this Ryan has become a threat once more?" He asked in that soothing voice of his.

I nodded. "The alliance withdrew their protection because I'm working with Cerberus. The three of them vanished from their apartment a few hours ago but there was no sign of any struggle. Carter was always very careful… very bright. He might have seen something coming and moved them for safety. They haven't sent me any message but it might be that they can't… if they left in a hurry… or their too frightened in case Ryan tracks it…"

Thane nodded. "There is no need to assume the worst yet. Vakerian has taken a good initiative by contacting the shadow broker. If you old friend Liara can't track them Ryan certainly cannot."

I heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah. You're right. I suppose I can take comfort in that… god… I just wish I knew where they were… I wish I could be with them now…" I looked up at Thane. "So… you don't… care? About the whole Reds thing I mean?"

Thane arched his brow. "Should I? I only care about them in that they are now threatening you. I assume c-sec is also looking for them?"

I nodded as the relief flooded through me. "Yeah… Bailey's message actually said Kolyat was helping too…" I smiled at him. "Apparently he wanted to do something to thank me?"

This seemed to please Thane, his eyes lit up a little at hearing his son's name. "I am pleased to hear it Siha."

I pushed him playfully. "You still haven't told me what that means." I joked.

He fixed me with a serious gaze that stilled me. "Siha… one of the warrior angels of Arashu." His fingers came up to brush over my wild hair. "She is fierce in wrath… but a tenacious protector… after you helped me save Kolyat… it occurred to me that you have that in common."

I just stared at him, speechless and shocked. I had been called many things in my time… butcher, ruthless, devil… but never, ever in all my life had I ever been compared to an angel.

I shot to my feet unease resting in the pits of my stomach. I missed the warmth of Thane's closeness but I ignored it and moved away. People like me didn't deserve that comfort. They certainly didn't deserve men like Thane or such a good opinion. "Seryna…" He called my name in that chocolate voice but I refused to look at him.

"I'm no angel Thane… Angels don't kill… they don't… do the things I do…"

I heard him move behind me, felt him as he drew near, his chest, still bare from being dressed in his sleeping trousers… mere inches from my back. His hands came up, his warm flesh meeting my shoulders and gripping gently. "You do what you must to defend those you love. I see no fault in it Siha."

I shook my head. "Stop that…" I tried to shake off his hands. "I'm not an angel! I don't deserve to be an angel!"

He only drew me closer so my back was pressed against his chest, his voice rich and deep in my ear. "If you are looking for someone to cast a bad judgement on you… you will not find it here." He threw my own declaration back at me without a seconds thought. His fingers gently massaged at my skin, his lips pressed against my head. My body screamed at me to surrender, to let go and drown in him… in all the beautiful ways he overpowered my senses. My heart was thundering against my ribs, my breath was coming in short shallow pants.

It was too much…everything… his touch, sexual and yet gentle, his acceptance, his declaration that I was an angel. The fear I felt for Amy, Carter and Hope… the distress my life story had reawaken in me… it was… too much. I was sure I would explode. His fingers on my skin caused fear to flash through me, the connotations of the wonderful electricity that flowed between us… I couldn't! I just… couldn't!

I twisted in his arms, throwing my hands out to knock him away. "Don't touch me!" I snapped. "Don't! Just…" I backed away. He didn't pursue. He just stood and watched me. For the first time since I met him… I couldn't read his expression. Perhaps I was already too far gone in my own panic to understand his emotions as well… I didn't know. All I knew was that I was scared. Scared for my friends… scared of him and the powerful bond we'd made in such a short time. I felt wetness on my face and with wide eyes reached up to find tears on my face.

The only time I'd cried was when my brother had been shot. Ryan had mocked my tears and ever since… not a single one had been shed. Yet now… here I was… crying like a child. I stared at the water drops on my fingers like it was poison.

"Siha…" Thane had stepped towards me but I backed away.

"Don't!" I said again. "Please! Don't…" I felt the tears flow more freely now. I wanted to run… but where could I go? I was trapped. I'd never felt so venerable in my life.

I closed my eyes, doing all I could to reign in my wild emotions. I tried to still my raging heartbeat… to calm my breathing. I took a deep, shuddering breath. His scent was in the air. Leather, gun oil… and something exotic that was uniquely Thane. Despite my fear of him then… my fear of his touch, the scent, knowing he was there, calmly waiting for me to make a move. It helped me focus.

I opened my eyes again and ran a gaze over his beautiful markings, the stark contrasting colours beautiful and bright in the light of my loft. His dark eyes were watching me with concern and care… just as they had in my dream. He was still there… he hadn't run off, he hadn't blamed me. For reasons I couldn't comprehend he still cared about me. He was beautiful.

I opened my mouth to speak… but a chime from my console interrupted me. Like a startled rabbit my head snapped back to stare at it a moment… then, realising it could be a message about my friends I dashed over to open the message.

"Liara found them!" I gasped. "Shit… Edi! Get Garrus to meet me at the airlocks asap!"

"Where are they?" Thane asked, his voice helping me to focus that little bit more.

"They were seen by Chora's den… they were being stalked by a pair of reds. We have to hurry."

"I will get dressed." He said firmly, sweeping passed me to the door.

"Thane…" He paused at my call and looked back.

I managed a small smile for him. "Thank you."

He inclined his head and then he was gone.

* * *

**AN: Holy crap that was a LOOOONG chapter! Still I'm pretty proud of myself! It feels so awesome when a story starts to come together… when you get to the reallllly good bits. Anwyays… thanks for your support guys. The reviews and favourites are much appreciated. ^^**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN – The hunt.**

**AN: OMG it's been ages since I updated! And on a cliff hanger too! Please forgive me! Here's the latest chapter… new one to follow tonight or tomorrow at the latest! **

I fastened the last buckle on my jacket in record time and holstered my rifle and pistol. Seryna's story had not shaken me. It had served only to enlighten me. I was honoured that she chose to tell me her secrets. I was concerned more about the distress this whole affair was causing her, concerned that my attempts to comfort her had somehow made things worse for her. She was scarred… but that only made her strength more astounding.

When I arrived at the airlock, Garrus and Shepard where already waiting on me, Shepard doing up her belt and Garrus checking over his own rifle.

"We'll head straight to Chora's Den." Shepard told us, the steely strength lining her voice, her helmet hiding the pain I knew was in her eyes. The airlock opened and we immediately made for the transit cars. "Carter is twenty seven… has dark hair and dark eyes, thin frame, fast on his feet. Amy is twenty six, petite girl, light brown hair, blue eyes and pale skin. She's not as fast… she'll probably have Hope with her." She paused as Garrus started the car and we began to move. "I have no idea what she looks like… she probably has dark hair though. Just… keep an eye out for them and anyone wearing a red bandana. See a bandana… shoot first ask later."

I inclined my head to show I had accepted and understood her order. She leaned back in the car seat, her foot tapping impatiently, the lights of the citadel glancing off her emerald armour.

"Will they know you?" I asked. "Even with your helmet?"

She nodded her head just once. "Yeah. I think so. I'm not exactly hard to miss these days. The galaxy knows what my armour looks like."

"True."

The trip was made in strained, uncomfortable silence both my companions filled with wound up energy just waiting to explode. I offered a silent prayer to the gods for our success and for strength for Seryna.

We came to the club and Seryna immediately drew her weapon, leaving nothing to chance it seemed. Garrus and I followed suit. She led us through the club, demanding answers of patrons and bar staff… anyone who might have seen them. She was in no mood to be patient or merciful with any of them.

A few of the waitresses and dancers did indeed recognise her and told her in fast frightened tones that her friends had left a little while ago. They confirmed what Liara had told us, that they were being followed by men with red bandana's.

"They can't have gone far." Garrus told her reassuringly as she stormed from the club.

"It appears they had only two routes open to them." I indicated at the doors to the markets and the side alley.

"Would they have split up?" Garrus asked.

Seryna shrugged. "Maybe…" He was cut off by the sound of gunfire from the alley on our right. She didn't speak another word. She darted to the door and slammed her hand into the access panel, flinging herself through the opening as soon as it was large enough. Garrus and I followed her and immediately ducked down behind cover. We were being fired at.

Seryna however, seemed unconcerned. Her biotechs glowed and she slammed herself into one of the attackers… a man in cheap armour with a red bandana around his upper arm. Her pistol had fired into his gut at point blank range before he'd even realised she was there. She swung round and aimed her pistol at the other men, emptying her bullets into them with a wild roar.

I aimed my own biotechs, lifting two of the men into the air to be caught by Garrus's sniper rifle. I shot at the remaining two, wondering for a moment why Seryna hadn't used her charge again, as was in her nature when as angry as she was now. I glanced over the top of the crate I was ducked behind and saw the reason.

My Siha towered over the form of a wounded young man in the far corner, the only physical barrier between him and stray bullets. Her shields were taking a battering, but she wouldn't move.

The youth matched her description of Carter. He was long and thin, his dark hair falling in a wild mess over his deep brown eyes. His face was what I understood humans to consider attractive… symmetrical with clearly defined straight features. He was slumped on the ground his long fingered hand clutching at a wound in his chest, red blood slowly staining his blue tunic.

My heart jumped as Seryna's shields failed. I frantically took aim at a weak point in one of her attackers armour. As always I hit the mark and the man fell clutching the wound in his neck. Garrus took care of the last one, landing a bullet between the man's eyes.

I got to my feet and wondered over to Seryna, who had immediately fallen to her knees to scoop the youth into her arms. She tended to his wound as best she was able, applying medigel to try and stop the bleeding. I could see what she would not however… the boy had already lost a great deal of blood, the wound was too close to his heart and nothing short of a miracle would save his life now.

"Carter!" Her voice came out desperate, the tone broken and wavering. "Hold on! You're gonna be ok!"

The youth choked; his mouth filling with blood. "Don't think so Boss…" His arm came up and he grasped tightly to Seryna's arm. "I sent them on… Amy and Hope… I staid to give them time. I told em to run like hell… I think they got away but some of the reds went after em… I couldn't stop em Boss!" He paused to choke again. "They was going to Zekera wards!" He gasped out. "Where the c-sec captain was." He choked more, blood spattering on Seryna's armour as he desperately fought to speak. Whatever he wanted to say was deadly important to him. "Ryan's with em'!" He managed to gasp out. "He's goin' for Hope… you gotta be careful Boss, he knows you're coming!"

"I'll kill him… I promise." Seryna told him, the venom in her tone leaving no doubt to her sincerity. "And I won't let him get Amy or Hope…"

The boy smiled a little. "I know. Tell her…" Whatever he wanted Seryna to tell his friend we never found out. The light left his eyes and his grip on her arm slackened. He was dead.

Seryna was perfectly still for a long moment. She didn't move or speak, she didn't even seem to breathe. I would have preferred her to scream… to roar as she did when furious… to curse or even to cry. This silence was far more deafening and full of dark emotions that were all too familiar too me. I felt a slither of pity for any reds we met now.

Finally she moved. Gently she rested his body on the ground and got to her feet to step away. "Garrus contact c-sec, get them to come for him."

The turian was one step ahead of our commander it seemed, his omni-tool already lit and working. "Done." Came his short reply. "Zakera?"

She nodded but didn't speak. Silently she went to each corpse and collected the unused thermal clips before turning and heading from the alleyway, Garrus hot on her heels and trying to restore her shields while she moved.

I spared a glance for the boy lying in the ally, surrounded by the corpses of reds. I had seen countless lifeless bodies, but his seemed particularly tragic in its solitude. He was young… too young to be dead. It seemed wrong to leave him behind, but I knew if we were to save those he died protecting, we had to be quick. Perhaps it was because he was so closely linked to my Siha… perhaps it was because his death had shaken her to her very core and caused her misery I could only hope to sooth… whatever the reason, I almost felt I was back on Kaje the night I found Irikah.

I bowed my head a little and offered a prayer to help him on his journey across the sea before catching up with Seryna.

* * *

"You better have some damn good news for me Bailey!" Seryna screamed as we arrived in his precinct.

The Captain turned from the turian colleague he'd been speaking too. Fear flickered across his face at the sight of Seryna. He shook his head lightly. "It's not good Commander." He admitted bravely. "We can't find any trace of the girl or her daughter and the reds that were following her have vanished too. I've got my men combing the wards…"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. With a wild howl Seryna grabbed him by the neck and flung him up against the wall, holding him there staring him down through the darkened slit in her helmet. "That's not good enough!" She barked.

The Captain struggled against her, his hands pulling at the hand around his neck fruitlessly. "Commander!" He gasped out.

"Hey." Garrus rested a hand on her shoulder, his talons biting a little into his armour. "No good turning on our allies." His voice was firm… authoritative. To my surprise, Seryna heeded him, unceremoniously dropping the Captain to the floor and storming away to pace the corridor like a cadged beast.

Garrus turned to Bailey and helped the man to his feet. "Good thing she's a spectre." Bailey growled out sarcastically. He watched her pace with narrowed eyes.

"Where was the last sighting of Amy?" Garrus asked, ignoring the man's irritation.

"Is Commander Shepard alright?" The sound of my son's double toned voice startled my attention from the conversation in front of me. I turned and laid eyes on Kolyat.

He wore the traditional clothes of our people but in the navy blue and black associated with citadel security. The colour suited him and his blue scaled skin.

His dark eyes were focused on Seryna as she paced, I could hear her muttering incoherently over the comm.

"She is disconnected." I explained to him.

Kolyat frowned deeply. "Captain Bailey told me some friends of hers are in trouble… he wouldn't tell me more than that; just asked me to look for them." He gave me an imploring look.

I shook my head. "It is not my story to tell. You've been looking for Amy and Hope?"

Kolyat nodded. "We searched the lower wards and all of the Zakera markets. There's no sign of them. I even asked Mouse to keep an eye out." He looked to me. "Do you have any contacts that might be able to trace them?"

I was impressed by his initiative; it seemed he'd settled into his role at c-sec as easily as he'd settled into their uniform. "I have already sent messages to the contacts I trust. There are few that I could in my line of business you understand. I do not wish to put Amy in any further danger."

Kolyat went back to watching Seryna and nodded slightly. "I hope she finds them. For her own sake."

"As do I." I agreed.

Suddenly she stopped pacing and looked down at her omni-tool as it chimed with a message. She scanned over the text a moment. All at once she moved, grabbing Garrus by the back of his cowl and pulling him away. "I know where she is!" She snapped. "Thane!"

I joined stride with her in an instant. "Shepard."

"Spirits damn you Seryna! Let go already! I'm coming!"

We settled into the transit car once more and Seryna punched transferred the destination to Garrus's omni tool.

"Amy sent me a message." She told us, leaning forwards in her chair as Garrus exceeded all speeding regs. "She's cornered in the warehouse district not far from here… the same one where we cornered Fade coincidently. We have to hurry… Ryan might have traced her message."

"At least it isn't far." I mused.

She nodded. "Yeah."

I leaned forwards a little and read the destination from the cars internal display. I wasn't sure if Seryna or Garrus had thought to send the location on to c-sec, or even if they wanted too. Despite their judgement I sent the location in a message to Kolyat to give to Bailey. I felt it was better to have some reinforcement on the way… just in case.

* * *

We arrived at the warehouse in record time. It was suspiciously quiet. There was no sign of any reds and the main lights had been cut off leaving us bathed only in the minimal emergency lighting. It left a lot of places to be ambushed. Garrus and I kept our guard up as we followed Seryna through the path laid out through the crates and vehicles.

We made it through the entire warehouse without any sign of trouble… it wasn't right.

Finally we arrived in the back part, the office Fade had worked out of above us, the platforms raised.

All at once shadows stirred, lights came on and I heaved a heavy sigh as I realised we had, as I'd suspected, walked straight into a trap.

The reds were stood on the platform, surprisingly only five of them all together. Two to the left, two to the right and one in the centre. The pairs on each side had a hostage each, Amy and Hope I presumed.

Amy was as Seryna had said, short and slim. Her hair hazelnut hair was loose around her shoulders and her pretty face contorted into an expression of terror. She wore a white top and blue jeans, her blue eyes fixed on her daughter. Her arms were being held behind her back by a large, muscular man, another man standing just a foot away from her, holding a gun to her temple and leering at her obvious distress.

Hope was older than I'd expected... too old perhaps for a twenty six year old mother. She looked nine, perhaps ten. She was relatively tall with a slim frame. Her hair was black and though it had been tied up, it still fell in wild curls over her shoulders. Her features were sharp and defined, she possessed a long straight nose and dark emerald coloured eyes that were glaring with a look of fiery hatred at the red who had taken centre stage, her arms also secured behind her back. The second man beside her held an identical gun to her head, ready to fire at his master's command.

"Well well… if it isn't little Seryna." The red in the centre laughed, throwing his arms wide as if welcoming an old friend. "Look at you all grown up and important like! It's almost like none of it ever happened. Is that what you've been telling yourself all these years? It never happened." He laughed again. He was a vile man, even to look at. His skin was pale and sickly, like thinly stretched leather over bone. His dark eyes were sunken into his face with heavy rings around them; his face was lined and scarred. His hair fell heavy with grease to linger around his shoulders, the black streaked heavily with grey. He wore expensive red armour, the signature bandana on his arm and modified guns on his belt. So this was Ryan.

"You should have known better than to go against me Seryna. I thought that little lesson I taught your brother would be enough…"

"You should have killed me when you had the chance." Seryna spat out.

"You shouldn't have turned on me…" He growled. "Now I'm going to teach that same lesson to this little brat." He indicated at Hope. "And you can die knowing that she's taken your place… that everything I did to you… I'll do a hundred times over to her."

There was a flicker of movement from the right, the group that held Amy. I glanced up and saw the man holding the gun to the girls head move to scratch his arm. As he did so he peeled away a piece of red fabric on his bandana, beneath was a clearly painted white stripe. Ryan was too focused on Seryna to have noticed the movement… I was sure Seryna had seen it though. I could sense the wheels moving in her head as she tried to come up with a plan. Her body was stiff, ready to strike but equally cautious. She was unwilling to risk harm to either hostage.

"Drop your gun Seryna… kneel before me and beg my forgiveness. Maybe I'll spare them the torment and just kill you straight off…" He was mocking her.

"You've spent my entirely life fearing what I could become Ryan." Seryna growled out. "Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe you'd let that happen again? This is between you and me Ryan… come down here and face me like a real man."

Ryan snorted. "You think I'm stupid!? Why would I come down there!? I have everything I need right here!"

"Because coming down here is the only way you're going to be able to kill me. You know I won't come to you."

"Really? You think so?" He took a meaningful step towards Hope, who recoiled at his advance.

"Ryan!" Seryna snapped out, drawing his attention off the child.

Ryan grinned, giving her a knowing look. He continued to the girl and grabbed Hope by the throat, drawing her up and close to him. The child cried out in anger and tried to struggle away from him, but with her arms restrained, she didn't get far. The reds that held her laughed.

"Ryan!" Seryna snapped again.

The leader turned his head from the child to grin menacingly at Seryna.

My Siha took a step forwards, she dropped her pistol to the ground. Ryan straightened up, interested. Slowly, Seryna moved her hands to her helmet and unclasped it. She pulled it from her head to reveal her furious face, her black hair tumbling in a curly mess around her features. She slung the helmet to the ground before reaching up and unclasping her breastplate. To my horror, she slowly pulled away piece after piece of her armour, casting it and her weapons to the ground.

"Shepard…" Garrus voiced nervously.

Seryna ignored him, kicking the last of her armour away and leaving her clad in a tight tank top and a pair of shorts. She held out her hands to show she was unarmed. She met Ryan's eyes fearlessly. "You want me? Come and get me old man."

Ryan grinned, triumph all over his filthy face. He threw Hope back into the arms of her captors and stepped down off the platform.

"No!" Amy gasped. "Seryna no!" The red that held her clasped a hand over her mouth.

It seemed to take an eternity as Ryan moved towards my Siha with a look of unrestrained greed upon his face. Closer and closer he drew until finally he stood right in front of her. He raised a hand and ran it possessively over her waist and hip. He leaned forwards a little. "Welcome home Seryna Shepard…" He was cut off as her fist collided with the side of his face. He yelled out as he lost his balance and fell hard against the floor. Seryna's foot immediately collided with his chest plate, biotech flame engulfing her limb and leaving a heavy dent in his armour.

Ryan glared at her in shock and rolled out of the way. "What the fuck!?"

Seryna smiled coldly, venom in her eyes. "Didn't you hear? I got a few upgrades." She launched a charge at him, striking against him hard.

Ryan's men opened fire, not at Seryna; she was too close to their leader, but at Garrus and myself. We dived for cover. I took out my rifle and tried to aim back at our attackers, but they were using the hostages as shields. It was impossible to get a clear shot.

Ryan was yelling as he tried to dodge Seryna's blows. It was clear she was the superior fighter; even with his armour against her flesh she was beating him back. He struck at her, catching the side of her head with his fist. Blood streamed over her eye and matted into her hair but her injuries seemed only to spur her on. She fought with the ferocity of a wild varren, using every dirty trick in the book to best the man.

Garrus made a sound of alarm and I turned my attention back to our own fight. The white stripe had turned his gun on the man that held Amy and shot him in the head. He went down and the poor girl was left trapped under his corpse. The stripe pulled him off her and dragged her into cover, though she screamed for her daughter who was struggling fruitlessly against the two reds that held her. She needed help, but to fire into the fray would risk injury to her.

My heart did several backflips and began to pound wildly when from one of the crates behind them, Kolyat darted out of cover. When he'd arrived and taken cover I had no idea… an fact that both unnerved me and left me feeling some pride. Perhaps Kolyat had inherited some of my skills after all? He crept silently behind the two men struggling to contain the vicious child and like a flash; he grabbed one by the neck and clumsily snapped his head to one side. It wasn't a clean or practised move, Kolyat had not used enough force, nor had he placed his hands in the right area, the man didn't die. He did however shout in agony and fall to the ground, giving the girl a window of opportunity that she seized. With speed to rival Shepard herself she flung her hand out and grabbed the fallen man's gun, turning it up and on the last of her captors. She didn't even blink as she fired the gun, shooting the man square in the chest and watching with satisfaction as he went down. The move shocked my son, who hesitated a fraction of a moment in shock. Finally he came to his senses and grabbed the girl around her middle. She protested, but he pulled her away and into cover. I took aim at the man with the broken neck and ended his suffering.

That left just Seryna and Ryan. I glanced over to them looking for a shot that I could take to end this madness, but they were grappling on the floor, rolling over and over as they fought. Finally Seryna landed on top and with her legs tight around the man, her hands alight with blue flames she struck at him hard enough to daze him. She leapt up and grabbed his gun from his belt, aiming it between his eyes as he laughed up at her. Even now he didn't seem to believe that she was a threat, despite the bruises and the blood on both their faces.

"All my life I've been afraid of you." Seryna gasped, winded from her fight. "All my life you have haunted me… and you know what? I don't give a shit about that. But it'll be a cold day in hell before I let you haunt Amy or Hope that way." She narrowed her eyes at the man, who finally seemed to be taking his situation seriously, he backed away from her but found himself in a corner. "I'm not scared of you anymore Ryan." Gunfire echoed through the warehouse as finally… she pulled the trigger.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE – THE BITTER TASTE OF VICTORY**

The blood ran from the clean bullet wound in his head, over his face to pool like a lake on the ground. He was dead. Holy Mary mother of god… He was dead. I didn't know what to think… what to feel. Hating Ryan had been my whole life. Now what? I was… numb. It wasn't even a pleasant feeling. Wasn't I supposed to feel blessed relief? Joy? Freedom? Anything but this cold emptiness.

I dropped the gun to its owner and turned away. My eyes met Thanes. He was standing just a few meters behind me. As was my habit now when it came to him, I allowed my eyes to trace the beautiful contours of his face and the stunning markings on his head. He stood to attention, waiting patiently for me. He didn't seem at all phased by Ryan's death. He just stood there, calm and collected. I let that calm wash over me. I… borrowed it from him.

Slowly I became aware of the rest of reality moving around me. There was crying and I spun round for a split second thinking one of the reds might have got away and was hurting one of my girls. I was wrong. I had to force myself to relax.

Kolyat had lead Hope over to Amy, who had scooped her into a tight embrace and was sobbing into the poor child's shoulder. Hope herself seemed to be in shock, her emerald eyes focused on Kolyat as she tried desperately to process what had happened to her and her devoted mother.

"Where's Dad?" She finally said her voice steady to anyone's ears but my own. I recognised this hidden tone of utter terror buried beneath the surface. She was such a beautiful child, strong and courageous. She deserved so much better.

I heaved a heavy sigh as Garrus stepped forwards to break the news to the two of them and express his condolences. God bless Garrus, I didn't have the strength. Finally Hope burst into tears, crying openly against her mother and screaming for her fallen father. She wanted him to come home… she couldn't quite believe what Garrus was telling them, he couldn't be gone… he just couldn't. Her father was too brave, too clever… too quick. Amy tried to comfort her, but her own heart had been smashed. She had been in love with Carter the moment she'd understood what love was. He had been her only.

I felt a hand on my arm, gentle yet persistent. "Siha." His voice was barely a whisper, yet it was as refreshing as spring rain. I bathed in it. I turned to face him and he handed me my under armour. "You should dress… in case any more reds show up."

I nodded silently and took the armour from him piece by piece as I reequipped my shell. Finally came my helmet. I held it in my hands, staring at the glass visor for a long moment.

"Seryna?" Amy's voice was shaking. I folded my helmet under my arm and walked over to her and Hope.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

Amy shrugged. "Shaken up. We're ok though. Thank you… thank you for coming for us."

I raised a hand and straightened some of her flyaway hair. "I told you I'd always protect you Amy… I'm just sorry I couldn't keep my promise to Carter."

Her eyes fixed on the floor and filled with tears. "He wanted to give us some time… He sent us ahead to find Bailey but we didn't even get halfway before Ryan caught up to us." She sniffed down a deep sob. "He died for nothing."

"Like hell he did." I snapped, startling them both. I leaned down and took Amy's face in my free hand. "He died for you Amy. He died defending you the only way he knew how. He died because he loved you! Don't ever let that be in vain."

Tears streamed down her pretty face, but she nodded. "I won't." She murmured. I leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to her forehead. I wanted to take the pain away… I wished to god I could feel it all for her, to just give her a moments peace.

"Commander Shepard." Bailey had arrived with a small troupe of c-sec officers. They had begun their work, taping off the area, taking scans and readings. "I'll need to take statements from everyone back at the precinct…Kolyat will take Amy and Hope back now… they shouldn't have to stay here."

I nodded and glanced up at the drell boy. I had never been more thrilled to see him than that moment when he appeared behind Hope, pulling her to safety. I hadn't seen everything… but I knew he'd saved her life. "I owe you one Kolyat."

He shrugged. "Call it even Commander." He turned to Amy and offered her his hand. She took it and he pulled her up, wrapping an arm around her shoulders gently and walking her and Hope slowly from the warehouse.

I watched them out of sight before turning my attention back to Bailey and trying my hardest to absorb everything he was saying.

* * *

It was a long night. I answered all the questions, filled out as many forms as I could before pulling spectre rank on them and telling them to make the rest up if they had too.

I leaned back in Bailey's chair at his desk as Garrus bought me a coffee. "Here." He said handing it too me. "How you holding up?"

I arched a brow at him. "What do you think?"

"Well… you're hiding it well."

I sighed and rested my head against the back of the chair. "Good. How's Amy and Hope?"

"Kolyat is taking care of them. Hope won't let him out of her sight. I think she's pretty traumatised."

I nodded. "She hides her emotions pretty well too."

"Odd since her mother is so open with hers." Thane remarked from beside me. He'd perched on the edge of the desk the moment I'd sat down and refused to budge for anyone.

I shot him a sharp glare. "Don't even go there frog boy."

"Amy must have been sixteen when she gave birth… am I right?"

I narrowed my eyes and turned my glare icy. "Your point? Teenage mothers are unfortunately common in gang culture."

"Indeed." Came his cryptic reply. "I imagine it is also common for a teenage mother to give up her child for adoption should she think they would do well elsewhere… perhaps in the care of a trusted friend?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"She has beautiful eyes don't you think?"

I shifted in my seat and fixed him with a spiteful glare. "I thought I told you not to go there?"

"So you did Commander." He inclined his head. "Though I should inform you that Hopes attachment to Kolyat is mutual. He seems more than happy to take the two of them under his care so to speak."

I glanced to the other end of the precinct where Amy and Hope were sat, Kolyat close by and speaking in hushed tones to the child perched on her mother's lap, silently crying still. He rested his hand on her small arm as he assured her that she and her mother were safe, that the reds that had killed her father were also dead and that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. I felt a small smile creep over my lips. "Good. Perhaps they'll be a good influence on each other."

Thane inclined his head politely, but I could see that he was pleased too, both with Kolyat's attentiveness and with my blessing. I figured he was feeling pretty proud of his son. Hell knew I would be in his shoes. In the space of a week Kolyat had matured from a whining brat, into a fine, strong man. I was pleased that he hadn't wasted the opportunity I'd given him.

Bailey finally approached me. "Ok… I think that's everything. I have your statements and the remaining red is in custody."

I sighed. "Has he told you anything?"

Bailey shook his head. "Won't say anything without an advocate. Smart lad."

I smiled a little. "I taught him well. His name's Harry Wilson… he's a good kid, been loyal to me from the start." I paused a moment, thinking hard. "I believe the alliance is still running their rehabilitation program? Perhaps you could forward Harry's details to Anderson… use my name."

Bailey smiled a little. "If that's what you want Commander."

I nodded. "Kids like Harry are victims of circumstance. They just need a chance to prove themselves."

"Kids like Harry… or kids like you Commander." Bailey said carefully. I shot him the 'don't go there' look and he silenced. "Well, he did say that the reds aren't likely to go after Amy or Hope anymore, apparently it was just Ryan King that had the vendetta against them."

I nodded. "Yeah, the other reds won't touch them. I know that."

I felt Thane's scaled hand cover my own and it was then that I realised how blank I'd been, my face, my tone of voice… all cold and expressionless. I mustered my energy and pulled some expression back into myself.

"What will happen to Amy and Hope now?" I asked.

"C-sec will of course keep a close eye on them, just in case. I believe you've arranged with the shadow broker for new identities to be provided?" He gave a disapproving glare that didn't meet his eyes and continued. "They'll be relocated to an undisclosed location on the citadel, somewhere they'll be safe."

I nodded. "Keep them close to Kolyat; I think Amy and Hope could use a friend."

Bailey nodded. "My thoughts exactly. I think he'd benefit too."

"Anything they need… any costs… you forward them straight to me." I told him firmly.

The Captain nodded again. "Of course commander. They'll be safe."

"So are we free to go?" Garrus asked.

Bailey nodded. "Sure. You might want to say goodbye first though." He indicated at Amy and Hope who were still talking with Kolyat.

I heaved myself to my feet and Amy's eyes immediately snapped to my face. She looked at me with pleading eyes, afraid that I was about to just vanish from her life again. With a sigh I pulled my hand from Thane's insistent grasp and strolled over, trying to remain calm and casual.

Amy got to her feet and reached out to grasp my gloved hands. "Keep in touch this time?" She begged. "It seems we're in as much danger without you… I miss you."

"I… don't know if that's a good idea." I confessed, pulling one of my hands away to rub at the back of my neck nervously.

She gripped my hand a little tighter. "Hope could use having an 'aunt' to look up too." There was a weak smile on her lips as she tried to tempt me.

"Amy…" The child in question detached herself from Kolyat for a moment to approach me. She moved to her mother's side and gazed up at me with blood shot eyes, swollen from tears.

"Thank you Commander Shepard." She said gently. "For saving me and my mum… and for killing that man." Her hand crept up to grasp her mother's free fingers as she spoke, her eyes full of courage and determination.

Thane drew up beside me. I felt his presence without needing to look. "What harm could come from it Seryna?" His voice was barely a whisper and I felt his breath on my neck as he leaned forwards to speak. "Would it be wrong for this child to know she has one more person to love her?" He twisted the words I'd once spoken to Miranda, if I couldn't accept my own truth…

I sighed heavily before leaning down on my ankles to Hope's height. "It was my pleasure." I told her gently. "You were very brave… shooting that red. I'm impressed. Don't get into too much trouble though… It'll come back to bite you in the ar…um… behind."

Hope managed a small smile. "I don't want to get into trouble. I want to be a dancer!"

I arched an eyebrow, unable to hide my own small smile. "Really? You know… I wanted to be a dancer at your age."

Her green eyes grew wide. "Really? Why did you join the alliance?"

I shrugged. "I didn't have a choice in the end. Tell you what though; you keep out of trouble… keep up in school…and I'll see what I can do about finding you a good dance academy."

Her eyes lit up. "Really!?" She was breathless, thrilled. "Can I write to you commander? I'll tell you how good I'm doing in school!" She promised.

I hesitated for a split second, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. "Sure." I said at last. "If you like. I'm sure your mum will keep me updated too."

Amy's smile brightened.

Bailey joined us and I pulled myself up off my ankles. "The car is ready for them. Kolyat will take them to the hotel… they can stay there until the apartment is ready for them."

I nodded. "Send me the bill…"

"Seryna…" Amy tried to protest but I held up a hand to silence her.

"Don't sass me girl." I warned in the authoritative tone I used with her all those years ago.

She smiled, then threw her arms around me in a neck braking hug. Kolyat had to prize her off me and I watched him lead them out of sight, Hope turning and waving at me as they left.

I swallowed hard, emotions raging around my head and trying to find their way to the surface. I turned and snatched my helmet from Bailey's desk, snapping it into place over my head just as the tears began to fall. "I should get back to the Normandy." I mused aloud.

Garrus nodded in a firm agreement and I shook Bailey's hand before allowing both Thane and Garrus to lead me back to my ship, Thanes arm brushing against mine as we walked and Garrus a step ahead, eyes wide as he searched for any signs of trouble.

God bless my friends.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN – No rest for the wicked.**

The elevator came to a slow stop, the doors opening to reveal the small corridor outside the Captains loft. I stepped out and let the doors shut behind me.

The panel on the door was green, but I hesitated. "Edi… is the Commander sleeping?"

"No Mr. Krios."

I frowned a little. She should have been sleeping; the tranquiliser Chakwas had slipped her was enough to knock out a wild varren.

I hit the door chime respectfully, but when she didn't answer I entered anyway. The first thing I noticed was a wave of humidity that almost made me choke. I steeled myself against the hot… wet… onslaught and stepped forwards. I could hear the thunder of the shower in her bathroom, the steam pouring out through the open door. I frowned a little but stepped up boldly to the door.

I was blessed with a view of the commander herself that made my discomfort entirely worthwhile. Her tanned skin glistened from the water, her flesh entirely bared too me. Her face was turned up to the stream of hot water, smiling as it splashed over her hair. She possessed curves that would shame an asari, the softness of her shoulders accentuated by the swell of modest breasts, a toned flat stomach, round hips and long athletic legs. Whatever doubt I'd had about being attracted physically to the commander was washed away in the streams of water that caressed her scarred… but magnificent skin. Her scars too me almost looked like the markings I expected to see on a woman of my own race, yet as hers were bought by times of hardship, they were all the more impressive to me.

It did not occur to me, seeing as how the ship possessed communal bathrooms, that humans were more… private… about their bodies than some other species. She bought her head forwards and rubbed the water out of her eyes before opening them and catching sight of me in the doorway. She froze… then squealed a little. She dashed out of the shower, almost slipping on the wet floor, and grabbed a towel from the counter, the look of a startled pyjak on her face. It was a reaction I found greatly amusing, a small smile gracing my lips as I watched her struggle to cover herself. "Thane!" She gasped. "What the hell!?"

I arched my brow. "I knocked."

"I… That's not the point! Jeez! Out!" She snapped.

I smiled, but inclined my head. "My apologies Siha, startling you was not my intention."

"Out!" She shouted again, pointing at the door behind me with the hand that wasn't holding the towel to her breasts.

I bowed a little, teasing her by taking my time, before turning gracefully to the steps to descend to her sofa. I heard her curse behind me as I took a seat and made myself comfortable.

"God damn it Krios!" She snapped. The shower turned off and after a few minutes she appeared in the lower half of the loft covered only in her towel. She made a sound of exasperation as she rummaged around looking for clean clothes. She seemed to realise something suddenly and glanced around wildly. "And it's firkin humid as hell in here! Are you crazy! Edi! Dry things up… now!"

"Dehumidifying Commander." Edi replied obediently. There was a sound of whirring fans and the air in the room cleared significantly. Immediately I felt more comfortable and smiled at the thoughtful gesture.

Seryna shook her head and rolled her eyes before turning away from me and back to her search for clothing. As she turned, the back of her towel loosened a little and fell downwards to rest on her lower back, giving me a full and clear view of her impressive tattoo. I couldn't be sure if she had shown me deliberately or not, but I took the opportunity to inspect it closely regardless.

I found it slightly ironic.

The tattoo was a full back image of a reaper. Not one of the sentient machines that she fought now, but the classical image of death from human legends. The hooded spectre… more irony, with a tall scythe in one skeletal hand that stretched up to curve over her shoulders. Death, it seemed, was weeping over a tombstone… a tombstone that not only bore her brother's name, but many many others. Some were neatly listed around Johns name… others had been scrawled on when space became limited. I recognised a few from her files, the names of her unit from akuze, Ashley Williams… one of her former crew that died in the line of duty… and a few others that I could guess the origins of. Specifically a set of first names, no surnames, listed neatly above Johns name… roughly nineteen of them. Her children.

Silently I got to my feet and stepped up behind her. I reached out and very gently ran my fingers over the image of death. She stilled… freezing and tensing under my touch.

"Is this how you see yourself Siha?" I asked her gently. She didn't reply, she just staid perfectly still… every muscle in her body rigid and tense. If I made one wrong move I was sure she would strike at me. I moved my fingers downwards and brushed over her brother's name.

She shuddered involuntarily. "Thane…" Her voice wavered barely a whisper, her tone nervous, almost shy.

Her skin was like silk under my fingertips, perfectly smooth and warm. I could feel the power and the strength in her muscles beneath.

"Do you seek blame for these deaths?" I asked her.

She turned around abruptly, her hand still clutching her towel to her breast. Her eyes searched mine, her face was blank but for those eyes… all the pain… all the misery I knew she carried, finally it was bared before me. "These people died because of me. In some way or another I caused their deaths." I opened my mouth to argue with her but she raised her hand and pressed her fingers over my lips, silencing me. "I'm not saying I could have changed anything… in some cases it was beyond my control, but I was still the cause. If I'd been smarter, my kids would have been safe… if I'd been faster Ashley would have survived virmire… If I hadn't been in the way… Ryan could never have used me to trick my brother." Her words broke my heart. I closed my eyes and kissed her fingertips. She dropped her hand to her side. "I… I'm going to have Carter's name put on too…" She added. "Soon as I can."

"Siha…"

Her face hardened, blocking me out again. "I don't need your approval Thane. Garrus, Tali and Chakwas have already had this conversation with me… I don't care. I know you don't understand but this is…" She paused and sighed looking away as she considered how best to explain herself. "I must never forget any of them." She said at last, her voice hard and firm, entirely unrelenting. "This is how I make sure… that I always remember. It reminds me to do better… to make sure their sacrifice is not in vain." She moved to turn away but I reached out and grabbed her upper arm in a firm but affectionate grip.

"You do not have to explain yourself to me." I told her gently.

Her eyes were filled with a mix of confusion and suspicion. "Really…"

I inclined my head. "Whatever marks you decide to etch into your skin is entirely your choice."

"Uhuh…" one of her eyebrows arched in obvious disbelief. "But you disapprove."

"On the contrary." I assured her. "I think it is beautiful."

Her features gave way to full surprise and her eyes locked on mine. After a moment of searching my face for any signs that I was being dishonest, the suspicion finally drained from her. "Garrus keeps trying to tell me it's unhealthy." She turned away again and finally located her black dress. She slung it over her arm and made for the bathroom again. Snorting a little she added. "He's a fine one to talk though… keeping his teams names on his visor." She shook her head and vanished from my sight, shutting the bathroom door for privacy while she dressed.

I made my way up the stairs and moved to her desk, looking over the scribbled drawings she'd left there as I waited for her to emerge. "Is it true what you said to Hope?" I asked, raising my voice a little so she could hear me through the door.

"What part?" She responded.

"That you had wanted to be a dancer."

There as a long moment of silence and I wasn't sure she would answer me at all. Finally however, she did. "Yeah… when I was very young. When John died I didn't think about it anymore."

"Is that why you draw dancers so much?" I moved aside a scribbled doodle of a ballerina to see a couple dancing together. The dance was a passionate one. This time she didn't answer me and I couldn't help but smile a little. "Your artwork is very accomplished." I told her.

Finally the bathroom door opened and she emerged, now fully dressed, though her hair was still damp and let loose around her shoulders. Her feet were also bare. "They're just doodles Thane." She said with a shrug. "And I don't just draw dancers either."

"No… there are a few landscapes here…" I admitted. "But most of them…"

"The ones I leave out." She shrugged. "I have… some completed sketches that I keep out of sight."

"Why?"

Her eyes flashed at me dangerously. "Because they're mine."

I inclined my head. "I see."

"No you don't…" She moved away from me and headed for the sofa. "But you'd like too." She flopped down and sprawled comfortably on the cushions. "But no… I'm not going to show you."

I followed her and took a seat beside her head as it rested on the seat beside me. She had her eyes closed, but didn't look particularly relaxed. Very gently I reached down and ran my fingers over her damp hair. She stiffened again, but didn't stop me from touching her.

"As you wish." I murmured. There was a moment of quiet before I spoke again. "I received word from Kolyat." Her eyes opened and she looked interested, giving me permission to tell her more. "He tells me Hope and Amy received their new identities this morning. They've been moved to a secure location and Bailey has assigned him to keep an eye on them. They're safe."

She furrowed her eyebrows a little and bit her lower lip. "I wonder why Amy didn't contact me."

"Kolyat expressed that they had been very busy… moving and securing them. She probably hasn't had time yet."

She nodded. "Yeah. Tell Kolyat thanks… and thanks for letting me know. I appreciate it."

I inclined my head again and hesitated before speaking again. "Siha… the child… Hope…"

Her eyes flashed angrily. "I told you not to go there!" She snapped.

"Is that because I would be correct in my assumptions?"

She sat up suddenly and twisted to glare at me. "I don't know what you're talking about. Now… if you'll excuse me…" She got up and moved away towards her desk. "I have a lot of work to do."

I was only mildly surprised by her sudden dismissal, I knew I had touched a nerve, perhaps overstepped the boundaries somewhere. I got to my feet and headed in the general direction of the door. I paused on reaching her desk however and looked her over as she pretended to be engrossed in her personal messages. Her eyes however were frozen on the screen… she wasn't reading anything. I took only a second to make up my mind. She was already irritated at me… if boundaries had already been pushed…

I moved fast, knowing she was almost as dexterous as myself. I wrapped my arms around her waist, taking the liberty of brushing my hands over her hips in a manner that could only be sexual. I turned her quickly and leaned down to capture her soft red lips with my own. Her shock allowed for a few seconds of closeness before she came to her senses. I deepened my kiss and tightened my grip on her. I allowed a gentle purr to roll from my throat, something to sooth whatever fury I might have instigated with my mischief.

I expected her to throw me off, to shove me away and perhaps shout at me in irritation. She didn't. She froze. Her entire body wracked with tension. Her heart thundered against my chest and her hands gripped my upper arms with bruising force. For a moment I thought it was arousal that caused her bodies reaction… but I realised I could smell no pheromones in the air. There was no sign of desire or want in her at all. I felt a wave of nausea come over me as I realised she had stilled not with lust… but with fear. Immediately I broke away from her and dropped my hands from her body. As I looked at her wide eyed, startled expression I began to doubt myself. Had I misinterpreted her all this time? Had she only sought me for friendly companionship? I had been sure she felt something for me, though granted the only time she'd made any real show of attraction had been while intoxicated. I felt incredibly foolish… and ashamed. Ashamed that I had wronged her… upset her.

"My apologies. I misunderstood you." It was a pitiful explanation, her expression of shock did not dissipate and she only stared at me with wide eyes. The more I stood there, the more uncomfortable the atmosphere. She didn't move… didn't even twitch. "I will leave you to your work Commander." I bowed my head respectfully and like a common criminal… I fled.

* * *

I tried to focus my mind on meditation; I tried to think about how to apologise to Seryna. Would she ever trust me again? Or had I with one foolish move destroyed everything we had been building over the last few months? I slammed my fist against the table in life support in anger with myself. I had never made such a mistake before. I'd never misread anyone's intentions. Had I gotten sloppy? Was my illness beginning to affect my work? Or was Seryna just that much on an anomaly?

Someone knocked on the door but I ignored them, hoping they would think I was sleeping and leave me alone. It was not to be however and a few minutes after another insistent knock the door slid open anyway and Garrus Vakerian strode in.

"This is not a good time Vakerian." I said smoothly, meaning to dismiss him. He ignored me however and moved to lean on the wall by my shelves.

"Yeah you and Seryna are having a domestic." She had called Garrus over this? She couldn't face me herself? Was he to dismiss me from the Normandy? Vakerian heaved a heavy sigh. "I'd just like to point out that this is Ms Chambers' job and if I thought either of you would listen to her she'd be dealing with this bullshit not me. As it is…" He broke off and shook his head. "Damn I'm no good at this… just tell me what the hell happened."

I turned my head to look up at him. "She has not told you?"

He shrugged. "She said a little… but mostly she's just ranting and raving."

"Then she is angry with me." The confirmation let my shoulders to slump and a familiar darkness creep into me… numbing me.

Vakerian however, shook his head. "No, not at you… at herself. But it's got something to do with you that much I could make out before she hit the whiskey."

I frowned slightly. "Why would she be angry with herself? She's done nothing wrong…"

Garrus shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Perhaps if the two of you stopped dancing around whatever the hell happened and tell me about it I could try and explain it to you."

I shifted uneasily and glared at the table, the familiar shame washing over me. "I… kissed her. She did not approve. It was my mistake; I misunderstood her intentions towards me."

There was a long pause. Then… the turian chuckled. "Yeah that makes sense."

"I did not mean to cause her distress…" I added.

"Nah don't worry about it. She'll get over it." I frowned up at him.

"Excuse me?"

Garrus shrugged. "She's not exactly… experienced… with romance. But seriously… you weren't mistaken. She's got it pretty bad for you."

"The events of this evening beg to differ."

Garrus actually laughed outright, his mirth stirring irritation in me. "She just didn't know how to respond. If she didn't enjoy it… you'd have gotten your arse handed to you."

"She was terrified!" I snapped. "There was not a shred of desire in her!"

Garrus stopped laughing and adopted a look of seriousness. "Or maybe she was just so afraid it masked anything else? Look… I know her better than anyone; I'm telling you… she wants you."

I scowled. "Then why would she fear me?"

"She's, not exactly…" He rubbed the back of his fringe awkwardly. "Shit… I thought she'd have told you this herself…"

"Told me what?"

"She isn't… experienced… in dealing with romance. In fact she avoids it altogether usually. She confided in me back on the first Normandy, when Liara and Kaiden were fighting over her attention."

"I'm not sure I understand you."

Garrus sighed heavily and looked defeated. "Alright… there isn't a delicate way to put this. She's never been with anyone but Ryan and that was exactly her choice. She said it kinda… put her off. So far anyone she's ever been attracted too she's kept at arm's length. For some reason… she didn't do that with you. So yeah… you gave her the shock of the century but she's pissed at herself because she didn't know how to respond in a… favourable… manner. She's angry because her fear got the better of her and now she's afraid you don't want her anymore." He broke off and shook his head with a small smile. "Honestly the two of you are as screwed up as each other."

I was stunned. I desperately tried to take in what he had told me. "But… after ten years…"

Garrus shrugged. "Till now the fear and the anger associated with relationships of any kind, just kept any desire for 'company' she had at bay."

"And you are certain she is not angry with me?"

Garrus nodded. "One hundred per cent… but I'd wait till tomorrow to go make up with her. Like I said, she's hit the whiskey."

I inclined my head. "I agree." I couldn't help the rush of relief that spread over me. She didn't hate me. Soon as that relief came however it was replaced with searing hatred for Ryan and shame at having not realised sooner. All the discomfort I must have caused her… all the ways my affections might have been misunderstood by such a scarred woman. I had wronged her many times in my ignorance. I should have realised… I should have been more careful. The more I thought about her situation the more I despaired. The trust she had placed in me was all the more significant now I understood this about her past. I began to wonder… perhaps vainly, how she would cope after my death should our relationship progress.

"You seem to support my interest in her." I mused to the turian.

He shrugged. "It's not really my support that counts."

I looked up at him. "Perhaps, but as her closest friend, it is yours that is worth the most."

"I think she deserves a bit of happiness… and you seem to be a good calming influence on her."

"You don't think she'd be better off with a man who isn't going to die?"

The turian smiled a little. "I'm not worried about that."

"You're not?"

He shook his head. "The good you'd do her would far outstrip the damage your death would do. Besides, in case you didn't notice, Seryna is pretty good at remembering the good times she's had with people."

"Oh? It seems she's more insistent on carrying their deaths around with her."

Garrus smiled. "You've seen her tattoo."

I inclined my head. "Yeah maybe… but she carries the good of those people with her, not the bad things. Take Ashley for example… she and Ashley hated each other. They were always arguing and at each other throats. But in her death Seryna remembers Ashley's courage… her strength her stubborn will. She doesn't remember their arguments, she remembers the time Ashley pulled her out of the way of a charging Krogan or complimented the way she had her hair. I think… when you die, she's not going to remember how miserable your death made her feel… she's just going to remember how great you made her feel while you were alive." He shrugged. "Besides… she's chosen you now… so it's a bit late to back out." He winked at me, which surprised me a little.

"I see. I will… consider what you have said."

"Yeah well… you do that. I'm done being Kelly Chambers for the day. Dealing with domestics was not in my job description!" I smiled a little and he pushed himself up off the wall and made to leave.

A sudden thought crossed my mind. "Vakerian."

He paused and looked back. "Yeah?"

"The child… Hope. I am right in thinking she is Seryna's daughter?"

Garrus's face became deadly serious and for a moment I thought he would dismiss me as Seryna had done. Finally he spoke. "Seryna never said so out loud and she's never left any written records to suggest that she is. She's always very careful not to leave any definite answer… but… it wouldn't surprise me. If she is though… that would make Ryan her father. That's not really a happy prospect for anyone. Best to just leave it. Let the kid believe Amy and Carter are her parents."

"You don't think she will ask one day?"

Garrus shrugged. "Probably. And she'll probably get the same answer everyone else gets."

"Drop it…"

He nodded. "If she gets a spirit like Seryna's though she won't leave it at that." He laughed. "And from what we saw… she's definitely following her mother's footsteps in that department."

It occurred to me then that when Kolyat had strayed; Seryna would indeed have understood my fear. We had both given up our children in the hopes they would lead better lives, no doubt that mission had struck many of her nerves. Yet she never let it show. If anything she used her pain to drive her to success. I had the feeling that that might well have been the secret to her larger successes in life. Certainly saving the galaxy had to be easier when you were fighting for something or in this case, someone more important and if what Vakerian was saying was true, Seryna had no reason to ever expect to mother more children. Hope was to Seryna exactly what she had been named.

I folded my hands in front of me and looked back at the table. In that moment my Siha was more magnificent than ever before. I longed to see her, but I also knew the truth in Garrus's suggestion. Best leave her to sleep of her irritation before confronting her again. It had been a very trying week for all of us.

I heard the turian behind me turn and head to the door again. "Thank you for your help." I said after him.

He paused at the door. "You're welcome… and Krios…" I looked round at him to find fierce eyes staring back at me. "Don't fuck this up."

I inclined my head and he left, the door to life support sliding shut after him.

* * *

**AN: Phew! This chapter has been a LOOOoooooong time coming and was one of the hardest I've ever had to write! Anyways, my apologies to my readers but this story will be crawling along a bit slower from now on. My reasons are simple… I've been working fervently on my original works lately and since I want to make a career out of that the fan fiction has had to sit on the back burner… so yeah… call it work commitments! I don't like leaving stories unfinished though so I will do all I can to get this one done. **

**Big thank you to everyone who's read / favourited / reviewed. The support is massively inspiring and helps keep this story going. Keep Rockin' my readers! **


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN – mirror image.**

"I suppose you don't need me to actually tell you I think your being stupid." Garrus folded his arms and glared at me.

I shrugged and got up from my seat on the crates in the corner of the main battery. "If I go in guns blazing this… Morinth… is going to jet."

Garrus rolled his eyes in a decidedly human manner. "But facing her alone…"

"It's the only way to get her interest. If I go with friends she's not going to approach me! Come on Vakerian, you hunted scum like this for two years!"

"So let me go in after her then!" He tried.

I shook my head. "If you think for one minute I'm letting you walk into that freaks arms you got another thing coming."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Well, at least you know how I feel."

I patted him on the shoulder. "Cheer up big guy. I tell you what; you can come along provided you stay out of sight."

"Humph… that's something I guess. Alright Shepard, but if this goes wrong Morinth and Samara will be getting a one way ticket to the top of my hit list."

I couldn't help but smile at his concern for me. "I'll be sure to tell Samara."

"Uhuh… you do that." I turned to leave him to his work when he spoke out again. "Hey, have you seen Thane yet?"

I froze and bit my lower lip nervously. "No." I admitted glancing back.

"So you're avoiding him then." Damn that man and his ability to see right through me.

I scowled. "Am not… I've just been very busy helping Samara out."

"Uhuh. I spoke to him last night you know."

"You what!?" I spun round to face him properly. He was now leaning casually on his work console with that smug, triumphant smile on his face.

"Yeah… after I caught you demolishing your loft and smashing whiskey bottles… I thought I'd go find out what was going on. You know he feels guilty right? He thinks he hurt you."

I shifted uncomfortably. "He's not… pissed off?"

The turian rolled his eyes again. "No. He thinks you hate him. Will the two of you please go kiss and make up? Preferably before one of you tears out a bulkhead."

I looked away, my face flushing in embarrassment. "I'll… talk to him."

"Good." He turned away and got back to his work. "And now that I'm done fixing your poor excuse for a love life… I've got calibrations to finish."

"You always have calibrations to finish!" I mocked him.

"You want this new gun to work or not!?"

* * *

I didn't visit Thane… not right away. In fact I walked passed life support fast as I could in case he happened to wonder out at that precise moment. I popped in on Samara thought and told her I would be ready to help her take down Morinth in a few hours and that Garrus would follow out of sight. She was concerned about Garrus's getting involved, but she couldn't exactly argue with me. I assured her it would be fine and headed to my loft to get ready.

I took a shower, my mind wondering as the hot water poured over my body. I recalled how only yesterday I'd caught Thane watching me… admiring my body, his dark eyes trailing hungrily over each curve. I shuddered a little… with what I couldn't be sure. His… advance… bought up a hell of a lot of conflicting emotions that I really did not want to try and untangle. If I didn't untangle them however the friendship I'd spent so much time and effort forming might well be lost forever. With a heavy sigh I leaned on the cool bathroom wall, the contrast between the tile and the hot water oddly soothing. I needed to see him… to explain myself. I growled and slammed my hand on the off switch. How was I supposed to tell him how I felt when I didn't even understand it myself!? Men!

I dried and dressed, my actions rougher than usual. Considering I was looking to seduce, I left my hair loose and even went so far as to apply a little makeup; dark liner and colours around my eyes and a blood red on my lips. I dug around my belongings and found a necklace and earring set in black and red that matched my dress relatively well. I glared at myself in the mirror when I was done. It had been a long time since I'd done this… gone out to seduce someone to get close enough to kill them. It was a dance I knew well… I hoped I remembered the steps. Ironically I was sure the only person who might be able to give me pointers was the very person I was currently avoiding.

* * *

Getting the crazy Asari's attention was probably the easiest thing I've ever done. All I had to do was kick a few arses. The handsy turian on the dance floor, the pair of idiots sitting in the shadows plotting their nightly targets… it was Childs play. Even talking to her was easy. I knew her type… obsessed with power, with strength. It was a bloodlust the two of us shared, though for entirely different reasons. Yet the more I spoke to her… the more I felt I was looking into a warped mirror. It was eerie and unnerving. The way she spoke of death… of safety, of violence and the sick way it thrilled me. Yeah, I knew what she meant when she spoke of these things like they were sacred. The blessed release we felt when we killed…

Finally she invited me back to her apartment. I got up and followed her from the club glancing for only a split second to where Garrus was sitting in a dark corner, nursing an untouched drink. He gave me the tiniest inclination of his head as he watched us depart.

Morinth took a seat on her couch as I moved to the wall to admire a pair of swords she had displayed there. "I love duelling." She told me smoothly. "That moment when your opponent realises your better and he's going to die!" She was thrilled by the idea and loathed as I was to admit it I could recall many times when I was fighting for my life… when I felt the same thrill at the fear in my opponent's eyes. I took a deep breath as I ran my fingers along the glittering blade.

"It a beautiful weapon." I told her. "So much more sophisticated than guns… it requires so much more talent to wield." I turned to face her, a smooth, seductive smile on my lips. Her eyes were wide with excitement.

"Oh you read my mind!" She patted the sofa beside her. "Why don't you come sit over here… with me?" She was giving me all the smiles… all the looks. Too bad for her I knew what she was… too bad for her I'd learned very early on to read through even the best actors. It's all she was. The more she looked at me, the more I realized her hunger was for more than sex… for that death she spoke of so fondly. She definitely meant to kill me.

Still, I kept to the plan. I smiled back and sauntered over to her, taking seat beside her and leaning back casually into the cushions. She scooted over to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to lean on the back of the couch. "There." She whispered. "Aren't you more comfortable now…" She ran a cool pair of fingers down the side of my face, her touch making me want to shudder. She was attractive… not with her body perhaps but with her charisma, as Samara had suggested.

She caught my gaze and her eyes turned black. I felt that dark charisma wash over me as she tried to influence me. She danced in my head, singing songs and beckoning me in.

"Tell me you want me…" She breathed. "Tell me you'd kill for me… anything I want…" Her influence made me dizzy as she tried to reel me in. Her attempts however, induced only anger in me. It burned through my veins as she tried to take control. I hated her. I hated how beautiful she was, I hated how much she loved violence and death, I hated her lack of remorse but most of all… I hated how alike we were. I gritted my teeth, my fury far outstripping her power. She seemed to realise something was wrong, her eyes narrowing in suspicion as again she tried to sing her song to me.

I lashed out, grabbing her by the throat and shocking her. Her eyes went wide as she gasped for breath and struggled against me. "Go to hell." I growled out.

"I see what's going on here!" She gasped as realisation hit her. "The bitch finally got herself a little helper!"

As if on cue the door opened and Samara strode in. "Morinth!" She shouted.

I got to my feet and threw the offending asari at her mother's feet. Samara grabbed her in a biotech field and threw her against the apartment window, cracking it. I stepped back and watched as they battled, throwing biotech attacks at one another, desperately trying to gain the upper hand.

"I can't help being your daughter!" The criminal shouted.

"You made your choice long ago!" Samara threw another field at her daughter; the biotech's started to pick up the furniture from around the room as they fought.

"What choice!" Morinth shrieked. "My only crime was the gifts you gave me!"

They were caught together, trapped in a biotech field as they wrestled each other in a battle of strength and of will. "Let me help you!" Morinth shouted desperately. "I'm just as powerful as she is!"

"I am already sworn to your service Shepard!" Samara seemed genuinely concerned that I might betray her. Did she think I was tempted to take this… bitch… onto my crew? To endanger them in such a manner. What made her think I would want a woman like that!? I was almost offended. Almost.

I stepped forwards and grabbed Morinths arm. "End of the line." I snarled viciously. I threw her at the ground and let Samara advance on her. There was a sickening crack, then… silence.

Samara got to her feet. "I wish to leave this place." Was all she said.

I nodded, glaring at the corpse of Morinth. "You and me both."

Garrus was waiting outside by a car. He looked grim and I knew he'd seen the whole thing. Probably perched on the neighbouring roof, his sniper rifle out and ready. He didn't say anything as we got into the transport and he set the Normandy as the destination without even asking.

* * *

That pensive silence was never broken, not while we travelled and not when we arrived back. Samara excused herself and headed straight for the observatory that she had made her home. Garrus put a hand on my shoulder and told me he was around if I wanted to talk before making his own way back to the main battery.

I took a detour to the mess to look for something that might provoke my appetite. I hadn't eaten all day and I knew I had too. As I looked over the meals Gardner had left however… I just felt sick.

"Siha?" Great… perhaps the last person I wanted to deal with right now.

I glanced at him then back to the fridge. "Thane."

"You look stunning." His words shocked me a moment until I realised I was still wearing my seduction outfit.

I took a deep breath and smiled uneasily. "Right… thanks. I guess."

He drew close to the counter and paused a few steps away from me. "Seryna… about yesterday…"

I shook my head and slammed the fridge shut to cut him off. "I'm really… really…. Not in the right frame of mind to be dealing with this right now." I tried to be gentle but I was sure I came off more aggressive and angry. I glanced up at him and sure enough his expression was a mix of concern and hurt. I smiled weakly. "Another time." I promised him. Without another word I abandoned my efforts to find food and brushed passed him to head back to the elevator. I could feel his eyes on my back as I moved away. I could feel his disappointment… all the time thinking how unworthy I was of his care.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN – When doves cry

She was avoiding me, I was sure of it. When I went up to see her in her loft early that morning, the panel on her door was red and Edi informed me she'd ordered not to be disturbed. After that she busied herself with assisting the Justicar Samara in her endeavour to stop the killer known as Morinth. That evening when she returned I could forgive her sharp dismissal… she seemed distressed and tired. So I let her go.

The following day she went out to the Omega markets for something the engineers had requested and she opted to take Garrus and Tali with her. When she returned she locked herself in her loft again. I was beginning to near the end of my patience. Vakerian had assured me she was not angry with me, yet her actions suggested the reverse. She had promised to talk with me, but still she avoided me. I was surprised that the hero of the citadel would be so unable to face her fears and confront me. It seemed… unlike her. But then… I had not known her to be afraid of anything but Hope and Amy's safety before and her reaction to their being put in danger had been… extreme. Still, it irritated me that I'd as yet been unable to clear the air with her. I missed her company… wild as it was. Her passionate emotions bought life into me again. I could not give her up.

It was now late evening and she had not even dined with her crew. Was she so desperate to avoid me that she would take to shunning them too?

"Edi, where is the Commander currently?"

"Commander Shepard is in the hanger."

"Thank you."

"Logging you out."

I got to my feet and headed out of life support to the elevator. Shepard had converted one of the hanger cargo bays into a small work out area for her crew. I was to understand it was one of her first acts when the Normandy 2 was handed over to her. I was also to understand that she and Garrus spent Sunday evenings sparring together. Today however… was Wednesday.

I moved silently when I arrived, wanting a moment to assess her mood before confronting her. The last thing I wanted was to make any extreme mood worse.

She was standing in the centre of the sparring space punching and kicking, quite expertly, at a large punch bag that had been hung up for her. Her face was contorted with rage as she attacked viciously; her hands alight with biotech energy. I was surprised the bag had not been broken.

She was not alone. Garrus was sitting casually on one of the benches nearby, watching her and occasionally calling out to correct a movement.

Neither of them saw me as I lingered just behind the doorframe.

"Move your feet." Garrus advised. "And keep your back straight."

"Shut your trap!" She snapped venomously.

Garrus smiled a little. "You gonna tell me what's got your under armour twisted?"

"No." She smacked her fist against the bag and it bowed in the centre.

"You've been like a wild varren since we got back yesterday. I'd thought you'd be pleased Morinth was dead."

"I am."

"So what's the issue?"

"None of your goddamn business!"

"Uhuh."

She let out something of a war cry and smashed against the bag so hard it swung dangerously on its hook. She reached out to steady it and leaned her forehead against it for a moment. "That bitch." Her breathing came rapid and wild, her chest rising and falling quickly. "I just…" She sighed and shook her head. "She bought out the worst in me."

Garrus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"We weren't that different." She said at last. "Sure I kill because I have too, but it wasn't always like that… when I was younger I killed because I could, because it made be powerful. She just… reminded me what I was… what I still am." Garrus was quiet for a long minute; he seemed unable to think of anything to say to reassure her. "I just… I guess I'm thinking that one day… when the galaxy is done with me… someone's gonna come after me. That I'm gonna be nothing more than a murderess."

"I don't think that will happen to you Shepard."

"Really?" She sounded very doubtful.

Garrus got to his feet and approached her. "Morinth wasn't a hero."

"Oh big deal! No one's going to remember the good I did when they're faced with the horrors I committed!" She sighed and lifted her head only to hit it against the bag.

"Hey stop that." Garrus put his talon on her shoulder but she shook him off. She did move away from the bag though. "You are nothing like Morinth. She killed because she wanted too, you did it because of circumstance."

She snorted. "Nice try Garrus, but you and I both know that's not true."

"Alright then try this one. Morinth knew what she was and she didn't care. She thought she was justified in killing just because she could… because it gave her a thrill. You at least recognise what you are and that it's wrong! You want to do better and that's what makes you better than her."

She sat down on the bench where he'd been sitting moments ago and reached for a bottle of water as she looked up at him with unbelieving eyes.

"Whether you want to believe it or not…" The turian continued. "You're a good woman."

She snorted again, but didn't respond.

I stepped out from behind the door and walked casually into the gym as if I'd only just arrived. "I am inclined to agree with Vakerian." I told her gently.

Her eyes widened as she saw me. "You spying on me now?"

I shook my head. "No. I came to talk with you."

She got to her feet and grabbed up her bottle of water. "Another time Thane…"

"No." I said firmly. It got her attention and she looked up at me with angry surprise.

"Excuse me?"

"No." I repeated. "You said that yesterday and I would like to talk now. I feel it is important." I folded my hands behind my back and continued. "I know you plan on going through the Omega four relay in the next couple of weeks… so we are running out of opportunity for 'another time'."

"That's a fair point." Garrus mused aloud. Shepard turned her angry eyes on him but he just shrugged and got up, making to leave us in privacy. He nodded to me as he passed.

Seryna paced a little, then slung down her water. "Alright. Fine… seems I've been overruled. What did you want to talk about?" Her tone was sharp as she attempted to put me off. I ignored it.

"You have been avoiding me…"

"I haven't…"

I raised a hand to cut her off. "Do not insult my intelligence by denying it. You are many things but you are not a good liar." She pursed her lips in irritation but let me continue. "If my advances were unwelcome… then you have my sincerest apologies. I assure you… it won't happen again."

There was a long minute of quiet as she took in my words. She turned away to glare at the wall. "And… if they weren't unwelcome?"

"That would be another issue… wouldn't it." I mused.

She sighed heavily and her posture relaxed a little. "I wasn't trying to make you angry by avoiding you." She said at last. "I just… I don't know…" She broke off, unable to voice her fears it seemed.

I drew a little closer to her so I was only a foot or so from her person. "Vakerian… confided a few of his concerns to me… regarding my advances. He feels that though you are of strong character that you may well feel… intimidated… by such desire."

"Did he now." Her eyes narrowed in irritation. "That was presumptuous of him."

"Perhaps. But it was done with concern for you in mind. He cares deeply for your wellbeing."

She shook her head and sighed at her feet. "Yeah, I know. I guess he told you that I'm not exactly… used to this."

"He suggested your experience was… limited."

She rolled her eyes. "I've never had a relationship." She said bluntly. "Unless you count what Ryan did to me, which I don't. I've never had any need for one. Never… ever… wanted one." She finally looked up at me, her eyes full of a mess of conflicting emotions. I pitied her distress, more so as I felt I was likely the cause. She laughed slightly. "Then you came along with those dark eyes and bright colours on your skin…" She broke off and shook her head. "Damn you Thane Krios. I was happy in my solitude till you came along."

I broke into a smile. "Likewise Siha."

She sighed again and shook her head. "Alright… let me go and take a shower… then you can come up and we'll talk about this. It's pretty hard to talk feelings when I feel all sweaty and unattractive."

"I do not think you could be unattractive if your tried Siha."

She groaned. "Oh please don't start… that kinda talk tends to get people punched… not kissed!"

I could not help but laugh. "Noted."

"Go on… go… meditate for half an hour or something."

I inclined my head politely and turned to leave her, my mood considerably elevated.

* * *

That half an hour was among the longest I'd ever endured. Over and over again I allowed my memories to replay… all the times I'd been with her, collecting all I knew about her and her… desire. I wanted to do this right; I wanted her to be comfortable with me as she once was. I wanted her happiness.

Finally Edi gave me a message to tell me the Commander was ready to see me. I thanked her and lingered in life support no longer.

The panel on her door was finally green and I stepped into her loft. The door shut behind me and I noticed the panel turn red out of the corner of my eye.

Seryna had actually tidied her loft a little since I was last there. The floor was mostly clear and her desk had been loosely organized. I did notice the trash compactor was struggling to sort through all the rubbish she had stuffed into it and the laundry chute was equally over taxed. I couldn't help the small smile that played on my lips.

I descended the steps to the lower part of the room where she was sitting on the couch. She was wearing her black dress, though her feet were bare. She'd drawn them up to her chest and was huddled against the corner of the sofa. Her hair was damp, but she had brushed it into a loose bun on the back of her head. She glanced up at me as I approached with tired eyes.

I took a seat at the other end of the sofa, to allow her the choice of staying away from me, or drawing close. To my dismay, she opted not to move in.

She heaved a heavy sigh and uncurled her body, resting her feet on the floor, following them with her eyes. "I err… I'm not exactly sure what you want me to say."

"I do not wish you to say anything. I wish only for you to listen… to hear what I have to say."

She looked up at me, her eyes were full of nerves but she nodded all the same.

I leaned back and tried to be comfortable… what I wanted to say was not easy. "As I said earlier… if my advances were unwelcome, you have my most sincere apologies. It was not my intention to distress you. I was not aware then of the specifics of your romantic histories… if I had known I would have acted with more caution and compassion."

"You don't need to apologize to me Thane." She said with a heavy sigh. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. I'm sure you know that." She leaned forwards and rested her arms on her knees, clasping her hands in front of her. "But I don't know how to be in love… I've never wanted it. But… whatever I feel, I enjoy your company for a variety of reasons. I hope…" She paused and bit her lower lip, staring intently at the floor. "I hope we can be friends."

I frowned, my heart sinking a little in my chest. "Forgive me… I hope we can be more than that."

She looked up at me, her face confused but defiant. "I don't want sex Thane. Not now… not ever."

I shook my head and smiled gently. Slowly, so she had time to recoil if she wished, I moved to sit beside her. I rested my arm over her shoulders and drew close to her body. "Love is not about sex Siha… sex is about love."

She snorted. "I wouldn't know."

"I am teaching you." She looked up at me, confusion in her eyes, so I clarified. "I ask only to love you Seryna… if you do not wish for the pleasures of the body… then I respect that."

She continued to look confused as my offer sank into her. Then, she smiled and finally laughed. "A chaste relationship!" She laughed harder. "I should have expected something like that from you!"

"Then… you accept?" I asked uncertainly.

She shook her head, though she still smiled. "Thane… if you are willing to go to such lengths for me then… it would be wrong of me not to try and do the same for you." She looked up, her eyes were oddly gentle, I even thought I could see some semblance of happiness in them. Slowly she leaned up, drawing her feet up to curl under herself. Tentatively she leaned forwards; my arms came up to circle around her as her hands rested against my chest to balance herself. I inhaled her sweet scent as very gently… innocently… she brushed her lips against mine. My heart skipped a beat and I felt the familiar stirrings of passion… of love for this woman and the enormity of this gentle gesture.

She broke away, her eyes searching my face immediately for signs of approval or distaste.

I reached up and ran my fingertips over her face. "Siha… you do not have too…"

She cut me off with another gentle kiss. "I can't give you everything right away… but I want to try. A chaste relationship would drive me mad. I'd always feel like I wasn't good enough… that I was denying you…" She sighed and bowed her head, resting against my shoulder, her hair tickling at the red skin on my neck.

I drew my hand up to tangle in those damp black locks as her body relaxed against mine. "Take whatever time you need. Mine is short, but whatever I have left is yours to take… and do with what you will." I felt her fingers trace along the exposed skin of my chest, her touch gentle but enflaming. Gently I rested my hand over hers and pressed my lips to the top of her head. She sighed but stilled her movements at my silent request.

"I'm going to get the IFF tomorrow… will you come with Garrus and me?"

"Of course."

She nodded against my chest, then drew up and away. "Then er… we should both get some sleep."

"I would like to stay." She looked at me with eyes full of uncertainty but after a few seconds that uncertainty melted at the behest of trust.

She nodded once. "I won't send you away."

I leaned forwards and very gently pressed a kiss to her cheek. She smiled, then got up to excuse herself to the bathroom.

She returned several long minutes later dressed for sleeping and smelling mildly of mint. She came to stand in front of me and reached out to take my hand. I followed her urging and got to my feet to stand mere millimetres away from her, breathing in her scent and delighting in it.

Her eyes looked over my jacket with a mix of confusion and determination. She ran her fingers over the fabric looking for clasps. Hidden as they were, I laid my hands over hers and guided them to where she should look. Carefully she undid the buckles and slid the garment off my shoulders and down my arms, leaving me clad in the black fabric vest beneath. I twisted my body and carefully laid the jacket over her couch, then allowed her to take my hand again and lead me to her bed.

I was surprised… and humbled that she would invite me here. It was a testament to her trust in me that stirred me deeply. She slipped under the covers and invited me to do the same before curling neatly into my arms. She fitted so well it was as if I were made for her. She rested her head against my upper arm and I curled it so my fingers could tangle in her beautiful black hair, my other hand I wrapped gently around her in an affectionate embrace. I felt her press a kiss to my chest and returned one too her head before finally, she drifted to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHPTER SIXTEEN – Consequence. **

Despite waking to the brilliant emerald green of Thane Krios and the soft scent of leather on a handsome drell who was sleeping soundly beside me… I woke in extreme discomfort. My skin felt like it was burning! I groaned pathetically and pulled myself up. One side of my face, my arms and my hands were agonisingly painful, not to mention itchy! So damn itchy! I resisted the urge to scratch and, still somewhat confused from sleep I trundled into the bathroom to investigate under a brighter light.

As I caught sight of myself in the mirror however… I screamed. The entire left side of my face, where I had been resting against Thane's arm, was red and inflamed with itchy lumps. The rash continued over my arms and hands. "Mary mother of god!" I shouted out. My shouting and screaming had roused the attention of my sleeping partner who rushed to the bathroom to see what the fuss was about.

"Siha!?" I turned and saw his eyes widen in shock at my appearance.

"What the hell did you do to me!?" I snapped. "Do you have any idea how painful this is!?"

Thane however ignored me a moment to look down at himself, mainly his arm and hands where he'd been touching me. I deduced from the slight scowl that marred his handsome features that the white stain on his scales was the drell equivalent of my rash. "Actually I do." He mused. He continued to scowl at the offending rash with a look of irritation and confusion.

I rolled my eyes. "Edi, get Chakwas up here… and… maybe Mordin."

"Acknowledged Commander, message sent."

I shook my head and glared at myself in the mirror again. "God almighty you have an evil sense of humour!"

The Doctor arrived first and in record timing. I supposed she had deduced the severity of the situation from the fact that I had never in all my life volunteered for her help. Nor had I ever asked her to come to my loft.

"Did you need something Commander?" She asked as she came through the bathroom door. "Oh my." She looked over the state of the two of us and I had to give her points for not laughing. Though she did put her hand over her mouth. I'd have thought it was in shock of not for the mirth in her eyes.

"You better be able to fix this Doc!" I grumbled the itching and burning making me more than a little irritable.

At that moment, Mordin arrived, joining us in the tiny and now very cramped bathroom. He took one look at us and burst into a bright smile. "Ah… see you have found out about potential allergic reactions… meant to warn you… going to warn you next time you dropped by…"

"In a language my translator will understand please Mordin!" I snapped.

"Drell and human biology's mildly incompatible. Skin chemicals can cause rashes… as discovered… also drell fluids may cause hallucinations in some humans, while human fluids may cause stomach irritation in drell… have necessary ointments and anti-allergens… will have them sent up. Also recommend anti-inflammatory for Commander… reaction appears particularly bad."

"How long will it take for this to go away!?" I demanded.

"With proper ointments… no more than twenty four hours…" Mordin promised.

"And can we expect this to always occur?" Thane asked wisely.

Mordin shook his head. "Immune systems will adapt with time and reactions can be prevented with correct medications."

I let out a long sigh. "The only time I ever let a man into my bed and I get a fucking rash! Story of my life!" At that, Chakwas did laugh.

"I'll send up some anti-inflammatory and antihistamines, which should assist Mordin's ointments." The Salerian nodded emphatically.

"Fascinating… never seen interspecies reactions first hand… fascinating!"

I heaved a heavy sigh and put my hand to my forehead, then regretted it as the touch set my skin on fire. "Alright… thank you."

The Doctors took their leave, Mordin talking very fast to Chakwas about all the various papers he'd read on the consequences of interspecies relations and how sex was a natural response to stress for most of the galaxy's cultures.

I gave a final look at myself in the mirror and groaned. "I am not coming out of my loft until this goes away!" I sulked.

Thane arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Can you imagine the grief Garrus would give me over this? I'll never live it down!"

Thane managed a small smile as together we left the bathroom. I made a beeline for my bed and threw myself into the covers face first to scream into the pillows.

Thane hovered by the side of the bed, watching me. "Siha… I should apologise. I should have anticipated something like this."

I rolled my eyes, though he couldn't see, before sitting up and glaring at him. "Don't start a lot of that Thane… neither of us would have expected this. Though I suppose I should have seen it coming too… you're so brightly coloured." I shook my head and laughed. "On earth there are these brightly coloured lizards … even spiders… and they're all poisonous to humans too…"

Thane arched his brow and I realised that comparing him to earth spiders and lizards might not have been sensitive. Rather than apologise however… "Oh don't give me that look! Drell are bloody reptiles!" I grumped, sitting up and folding my arms over my chest.

There was a chime at the door and the last person I wanted to see me like this waltzed in with a small box.

Garrus's eyes trailed over the state of me, then went over Thane. He didn't bother to supress his laughter. "Spirits!" He said when finally he'd stopped. "You should see yourselves!"

"I have seen myself thank you very much! Is that Mordin's ointments?"

The Turian nodded and bought the box over to the bed dropping it down on the end. "The good doctors thought you'd prefer having a friend bring them up to you rather than another crewman. Chakwas put in some medicines too… some for humans…" He tossed me a small bottle of pills. "And some for drell." He threw a similar tube at Thane, who of course, caught it expertly.

The drell inclined his head. "My thanks."

"Yeah yeah." I read the instructions on the tube, then dished out the recommended dose. "Cheers to us." I glanced at Thane, then threw the pills to the back of my throat and washed them down with the glass of water on my nightstand. Thane followed suit, though he moved far more gracefully than I did. Damn that man was hot even when taking medication!

Garrus handed us our bottles of lotion next and I popped open the cap to take a whiff. "Geez this stuff stinks!" I complained. Thane arched his brow again.

"Actually… it smells quite pleasant."

I gave him my best 'uhuh' look. "I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that one." With a heavy sigh I squeezed some of the clear liquid into my palm and dabbed it against the rash on my face. The cool mixture stung something awful and I had to grit my teeth as Garrus began to laugh again at the look on my face.

Thane took to his own lotion and as he opened the top, he wrinkled his nose. I on the other hand, got a blast of a scent that was… well… sexy. It was a dark, musky sort of smell that personally I thought would complement the leather perfectly. Thane however, obviously disagreed as he grudgingly took to treating his own rash. I wondered vaguely if the smell of my lotion was sexy to him too… I also found it incredibly ironic that the treatments for a rash caused my physical contact would make him all the more attractive to me.

"So… I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say you're gonna be working up here today?"

I sighed. That would be childish. "No… we're gonna be arriving at that derelict reaper soon and my armour has a helmet… no one is going to see and I can't waste any more time…" I looked to Thane. "If you want to stay back though I understand."

He shook his head. "The rash is only mildly irritating and not as severe as your reaction. It will be covered by my jacket."

I nodded. "Alright… thanks." I looked back at Garrus. "Get Joker to let me know when we've arrived then we'll suit up and head out."

The turian nodded, his laughter finally having subsided, though he was still grinning widely. "Sure thing." He gave a final mirth filled glance at Thane, then took his leave.

Thane set his bottle down on the nightstand and moved to retrieve his jacket from the couch where he'd left it the night before. "This… will make things more difficult…" he mused solemnly. "If you would prefer… not to continue…"

It took me a moment to realise what he was saying, when it came to me I felt my heart leap and my stomach twist making me feel nauseous. "Thane!" He looked round at me. "Jeez man a little rash isn't going to put me off you. Besides, Mordin said our bodies would adjust." I sighed and got up, drawing close to him and gently resting my hand on a part of his arm that wasn't affected.

He continued to look a little sullen however. "I would not wish to cause you any harm."

I scoffed. "This is hardly what I call harm… this is just… a mild inconvenience. We'll work around it." I let my hand drop and he caught it in his own. Gently he bought my knuckles up to his lips and pressed a kiss to them, before letting go.

"You are a good woman Siha."

I rolled my eyes. "Nah, I'm just stubborn."

**AN: So I thought it would be a little unfair to make Shepard suffer alone from this interspecies liason…. So I've added a few side effects for poor Thane too. And while it's not mentioned at all in the games, I don't think it's wildly impossible for Mordin to have warned Thane about possible side effects the same way he did for Shepard. ;) At least… that's what I think. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – Passions**

**AN: Just a little chapter to keep the story and my readers going. :) Thanks for all the favorites and reviews guys, its great to hear from you all. Just so you all know... I know my spelling, grammar and typos are very bad... I do struggle with it and I don't have a beta. However, once I've finished this story I'll be going back to edit it properly so hopefully I'll be worth a new read through then. Thanks to everyone for being patient with me so far. **

For reasons I understood perfectly, Seryna opted not to take me with her onto the derelict reaper. It was one of the few times she'd ever left me behind on such an important mission and at first I'd worried that she had omitted me because of the allergic reaction I was suffering from. When I confronted her however she explained that our resident baby krogan was getting anxious from the lack of fighting and she needed Garrus for his technical expertise. As he was also a skilled sniper, I conceded and let her go without argument. I hardly thought she would be in much danger in the company of a loyal krogan warrior anyhow.

So I spent the day meditating, praying for her safety and using all of my ingrained discipline not to scratch the burning itch on my right arm.

As dinner time arrived I emerged from life support to seek food. I had just taken a seat beside the asari justicar when the elevator doors opened and Shepard, Garrus and Grunt rounded the corner, thankfully looking absolutely fine. Grunt was however, carrying an unusual package over his broad shoulders and smiling wildly. "This is one hell of a trophy Shepard!" He scoffed. "You gonna turn it over to the Illusive man?"

"Hell no." Shepard retorted. "I'm not stupid enough to give my enemy anything he can use against me."

Grunt laughed boisterously. "That's why I chose you for a battle master." He used his free hand to slap her on the back and she actually stumbled forwards a pace, managing to regain her balance before falling entirely.

I looked over the package more carefully and realised with some mild surprise, that it was a geth unit. I looked back to Shepard, who caught me looking and gave me a subtle nod of her head, to reassure me she knew exactly what she'd bought aboard.

"Bring it into the AI core… Edi…"

"I have erected additional firewalls and am prepared to resist any hacking attempt." The AI chirped. With that assurance the ground team headed through the med bay and vanished into the core.

I felt the tension in the crew around the table; they whispered amongst themselves and looked uncertain. Even Samara was watching the door to the AI core like a hawk would a mouse. I however, trusted Seryna's judgement. I knew she wouldn't have done anything she felt was a risk to her crew or her ship. No doubt she had a backup plan and countless safeties in place. Plus… she had taken both Grunt and Garrus into the core with her. If the geth were hostile it would be no match for the three of them, its solitude no doubt considerably dimming its intellect.

Sure enough, thirty minutes on and Shepard and the ground team emerged, entirely unscathed.

"I think it's got a case of hero worship." Garrus was saying. "No data available… load of crap."

"Uhuh… laugh it up big guy." Shepard grumbled.

I got to my feet and deposited my finished plate with Gardner before stepping up to stride alongside Shepard, Garrus and Grunt. "The mission went well?" I asked.

"It was brilliant!" Grunt answered for her, slamming his fists together in enthusiasm. "Shepard took down two scions practically by herself while Garrus and I were swarmed by husks!"

"Impressive." I inclined my head to the krogan who laughed again, apparently still buzzing from the fight.

"I'm going to see if zero wants to fight me. She's a worthy opponent… for a human." With those parting words the krogan stomped off towards the elevator.

"I noticed you bought aboard some interesting salvage." I pressed lightly.

Shepard put her hand to her forehead. "Yeah… I'm starting to regret it."

"Siha?"

Garrus shrugged and took over. "It wants to work with us… here on the Normandy. Apparently not all geth are alike anymore. Besides that… it's got a crush on Shepard."

"It's a machine Garrus." Seryna grumbled. "It doesn't get 'crushes'."

"Then why's it wearing your armour."

Seryna smacked at his arm playfully and with a scowl grumbled. "You hear it! There was a hole!"

Garrus laughed at her. "Whatever you say Shepard. I'm gonna grab a bite. You sticking around?" He indicated at the counter where Gardner had set out the dinner options that evening.

Seryna shook her head. "Something about the smell of burning husks kinda puts me off. I'm gonna take a shower."

Garrus shrugged. "Suit yourself." He nodded to me, then took his leave.

Seryna turned her attention to me, her emerald eyes catching my dark ones. "I er… give me half an hour… ok?" She was nervous as she spoke, her eyes darting away and I could tell she wasn't sure how 'this' was supposed to work.

I inclined my head. "As you wish." She took the reassurance I offered and managed to smile a little as I walked her to the elevator, breaking off as we arrived at life support. I glanced back at her as the doors slid shut and caught her looking back at me. Her nerves about whatever 'we' were… were strangely endearing.

* * *

I gave her the half hour she requested, then followed her up, pausing to take something from dinner up with me. I found her sat on her sofa dressed in jogging bottoms and a tank top. She was scowling darkly at a data pad, cigarette between her fingers and a glass of amber liquid on the table in front of her. I set the stew I had bought up in front of her and she glanced at it.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

"I hoped your appetite might have returned." I took a seat on the sofa beside her. "What are you reading?"

She sighed heavily and leaned forwards. She dropped the pad on the table, took up her glass downed it, then to my delight took up the food I had bought and leaned back again to eat. "Mission briefing. Admiral Hackett has asked me a favour. He's promised to keep surveillance on Amy in exchange for my help. I know Ryan is gone but… I don't want to get complacent because of that."

I nodded in agreement. "Wise."

She nodded back. "Yeah, I told him I'd do it… Joker is heading there now and I'll set out in the morning."

I frowned as I caught the drift of what she was saying. "You're going alone?"

She nodded. "It's a solo mission. Too big a party would draw too much attention. It's better this way."

"Not so wise Siha."

She shrugged. "Maybe. I'll be fine Thane. I can take care of myself."

I felt my frown deepen into a scowl and got to my feet to pace the small living space. I felt her eyes watch me. I wasn't comfortable with this idea, I knew she knew it. I knew she was waiting for me to say as much, but I also knew she would respond aggressively to my need to protect her. She was a free spirited woman, independent and no doubt would be offended by what was a sincere concern for me. "I… I cannot tell you what to do Siha." I said at last. "You are the commander of this ship; if you choose to go alone I cannot stop you. I can however, disagree wholeheartedly with this decision. It is…" I paused to shake my head, the concern turning into a very real fear, the fear becoming anger. "It is foolish."

She arched an eyebrow. "You don't know anything about this mission…"

"It is dangerous, that's all I need to know." I cut over her.

She set her half eaten stew on the table and leaned back again, crossing one elegant leg over the other. She glared at me with cool fire in her eyes, daring me to say anything else on the matter. The pose was… unintentionally seductive and my anger was mixed with desire. A dangerous combination. "I suppose it's a good job you can't tell me what to do then… isn't it." Her voice was as cold and as passionate as her pose.

I glanced at her and stilled my pacing for a moment. "Perhaps it would be best if I left." I made for the door.

"Coward." I wasn't convinced I was supposed to hear her, her voice was a low, almost inaudible growl. I froze the heat of my anger racing through me. I struggled to control it. I spun round on the spot and glared at her.

"I am a coward for loving you Siha? For caring about you and the danger you put yourself in? I know you are strong, I know danger is a part of your life but this is reckless and foolish!"

"No… you're a coward for not confronting me. For trying to walk out rather than tell me." She shot back. She was angry at me for not telling her what to do?! Gods this woman was an eternal puzzle! She hadn't risen, she remained sat on the sofa, She took a breath on her cigarette and puffed out the smoke in front of her face.

I walked back and stood in front of her. "Well I'm telling you now Siha." I growled. "You are making an unnecessary risk!"

"Fuck you Thane." Her cool words were like a match to fuel. I felt my usually endless self-control snap. This woman had no idea what she did to me. I launched forwards and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her up with my superior strength to stand in front of me. Her cigarette fell to the floor and I stepped forwards to step on the embers, closing the gap between us.

"What do you want me to say Seryna? Do you want me to silently disprove? Or are you looking for someone to try and stop you? Because you know this is foolish." I kept my voice steady, my tone deceptively calm though I knew she could see the anger in my face. "Whatever it is you want do not expect me to stand here and just accept what you are telling me. I cannot!" My anger got the better of me and I shook her slightly with my final words. To her credit, she didn't even flinch. She glared at me with eyes full of returning fire.

It struck me then that I could still see that fire. Usually when she heard things she didn't like she closed up, a mask of steel falling over her face to shield her from emotions she didn't want to deal with. Now however, she remained open to me, even as we argued. I considered this for a moment in my rage clouded mind. What was this about? Really? "What do you want from me Seryna!?" I asked her desperately. I'd never been so unable to read her before. Even when that steel mask came down I would know why. This was… new behaviour… unexpected. Was it because I'd shaken her? Because I'd grabbed her so violently? Is this how she once stared in defiance at Ryan? The idea that she might put me on a level with him made me sick and I released her immediately. I turned away and went for the door again.

I had almost reached it when she finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm sorry." For the second time I froze and looked back, my features clearly displaying my displeasure and my confusion. She was standing as I'd left her, in front of the sofa, red alien hand prints on her upper arms where I'd grabbed at her.

She remained there for a long moment, then I saw her sigh. She leaned down and picked up the data pad she'd been reading. She turned and moved over to me, her eyes never leaving the floor. She glanced up, then handed me the pad. "It's a covert pickup so to speak. The Baterians have taken a doctor prisoner… a doctor that has some new info on the reapers. I need to get her out of there and find out what she's learned. So… it's not an unnecessary risk." I scanned over the pad in my hand, reading the details and I couldn't help but agree that the mission did appear vital. "And I'm sorry for bating you." I looked up again and found her looking right at me this time. "It's uh… a bad habit I have."

I arched an eyebrow. "Bating those you care about to become angry with you is a 'habit'?"

She shook her head. "No… well… yes…" She paused and ran her hand through her loose black hair. "I just… it's a sabotage I suppose. A defence mechanism. I… panic… when people care about me. I can't help but wonder what they want from me. I expect them to hurt me. So I goad them into it. Get it over and done with."

I frowned, my eyes lingering on the hand prints on her arms and the rash that still lingered on her face. "And those that don't turn on you… pass the test I assume?"

She shrugged. "I don't think it's as simple as that… but it's along those lines. I don't even realise I'm doing it anymore. So… I'm sorry."

I took a deep breath trying to steady and control the tide of conflicting emotions racing through me. It had been so long since I had lost my temper like this… so long since I'd felt such rage. "Then I have failed your test." I mused.

She looked surprised. "What?"

I indicated at the marks I'd left on her as shame washed over me making me feel sick at myself. I was better than this! She glanced down at the marks as if she hadn't noticed then back at me. "It wasn't exactly a fair test." She protested.

"But I failed nonetheless. Excuse me… I should go." I turned, meaning to leave her, to return to life support and pray for guidance, meditate on my actions and find the cause for my outburst and a way to control it. I would not be a danger to her in any way… I would not become Ryan or any semblance of that wicked excuse for a being.

"Thane…" I felt her gentle hand on my arm, stopping me from walking through the door. "It's not your fault… I pushed you to get a reaction… and I got it!" There was the barest hint of desperation and fear in her voice. "I asked for it."

"No!" I spun round, my emotions braking through the thin control I'd established. "There is no excuse so do not try to excuse me!"

She kept a grip on my arm, her free hand came up to trace at my chest, her lithe human fingers tracing the line where the fabric of my vest met my skin. She took a step forwards and closed the gap between us, her hand running up my arm to wrap over my shoulder as she leaned up to whisper at my neck. "I'll not pass judgement on you…" She murmured. "Please… let's just… forget about this. I'm sorry." The hand at my chest ran up over my skin to brush the sensitive red skin of my neck and face.

The torrent of emotions was still flooding through me and I struggled… gods forgive me I struggled. Her fingers traced against the frills of scale on the side of my face and I reached up to gently take her wrist in my hand. "Siha…"

She cut off whatever I was about to say with a kiss to my lips. It was so unlike the kiss she had bestowed upon me before that it stunned me for a long moment. Her kisses previously had been chaste, gentle… cautious. This kiss was riddled with the fire and passion I knew she was capable of and afraid of showing… it was enough to brake me. In a few strong steps I had her back pressed against the fish tank, her skin bathed in the blue glow and shimmering white lines of the water, the sea life floating behind her making her appear to me… like the angel of death she professed to be. My hands ran up from her waist, tracing over her breasts to cup her face in my hands. I bent my head low a little and kissed her as deeply and as passionately as she had done for me moments before. I broke away and with a smile of pride realised I had left her entirely breathless. My hands wondered as I kissed her again, enjoying the feel of her hot skin on my scale. Boldly I groped at her chest, a place I knew to be sensitive on asari and humans; I felt her gasp and even whimper softly under my kiss.

Her hands roamed over me, taking in the feel of my body, mapping out the muscle tone and exploring the red tone of my skin. I could not help but growl a purr at the feeling. I pressed my body onto her, slipping one of my legs between hers and feeling the heat of her against my thigh. She gasped again and her heartbeat began to race.

To my dismay however, I knew immediately it was too fast a pace for simple lust. As an assassin I knew well the sound of a terrified heart. The very subtle shake of her hands testified against her and I reluctantly pulled myself away from her. I looked away from her, afraid of what I might see in her face.

"Thane?" Her voice was puzzled, so I glanced at her and found she looked confused. "Why did you…" She reached out as she spoke meaning to gasp the sensitive red flesh. I caught her hands in my own and pulled them away.

Very gently and slow enough that she could pull away if she wanted, I leaned forwards and rested my lips against hers in a kiss that seemed so chaste it was wrong against what we had just done. "I won't hurt you Siha." I told her firmly.

She pulled one of her hands from mine and traced her fingers over my face. "I know that…"

I shook my head and took her and again. "Not yet."

"But I want to try…"

"Siha…" I kissed her again, but kept it gentle before drawing back a little more. "What we share is special. I do not want our time together to be tainted by Ryan."

She frowned, but she had no argument or response for me. Finally she sighed and rested her forehead against my shoulder. "Alright." I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me.

"I will… wait for you to return from this mission." I kissed the top of her head. "Please… be careful."

She nodded and broke away from me. With a small smile she said. "Don't worry; I'll be back in time for dinner."

"I should let you rest. You will need focus for this task."

She glanced to the bed then back to me. "Stay with me again?" She asked.

I was tempted for a long moment to agree to her request, but the aching in my loins reminded me that was not a good idea. "Not tonight." Bitter disappointment marred her beautiful features.

"Are you still angry with me?"

"No… not at all." I paused, thinking how best to explain myself to her. I sighed. "I am a man Siha… if I stay with you… I do not know that I can keep my own resolution."

She was confused for a moment, trying to process my words, then understanding dawned on her face and her eyes darted down to glance at my leather trousers. A small, mischievous smile spread on her lips in a way that almost broke my resolution then and there. "I see." She said cryptically. "Well… if you won't let me take care of that I guess you had better go and deal with it yourself."

I felt my control strain a little more and I wrestled with it for another moment. "You… will be the death of me Siha…"

She leaned up to kiss me a final time and murmured. "Well... it'll be a cold day in hell before I let keprals take you away from me." Perhaps I should have been concerned by her declaration, perhaps I should have stayed longer to enquire what she meant… but I had a rather… pressing… matter to attend too and I was forced to take my leave before she did indeed break me.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Arrival **

**AN: So, normally I'm dead against long authors notes at the starts of chapters, but there is some explanation required. So far my story has alternated faithfully, one chapter from Thane, one from Shepard. This chapter however will be from Thane's pov; despite him taking us through the last chapter. **

**The reason for this is simple. I hate spoilers and while most people assume fans on here have played the Arrival DLC, some will not have done, even if everyone understands the basic outcome. Considering that I've decided to omit Shepards POV as she completes this mission for the sake of the fans that have not yet played. I know it used to annoy me when other writers went ahead and detailed DLC missions in their stories because for a long time I wasn't able to afford to get them for myself and it kind of ruined things for me even though I knew the basic story. So… with that in mind I'll be brushing over the specifics of that mission even if I'm making references to the outcome. For everyone who doesn't want any spoilers, consider this fair warning. **

** On another note, my inspiration for this story is trickling very thin, particularly as I've been working so faithfully on other unrelated artistic endeavours. Hence the very late updates lately. I've not forgotten you guys… but it's hard to write a story I'm losing interest in. Still, for the sake of my followers I'll press on and try to keep the quality of this work consistent. If you're really lucky I might go back sometime and rewrite the whole thing! LOL I have had some decent suggestions from a few readers that would make this story better and improving my writing skills is the whole reason I'm here. **

**Anyways, enough of my rambling… the show must go on and all that jazz. **

XXX

**THANE'S POV!**

Shepard kept her word and had left the Normandy before even I had risen that morning.

That day was one of the longest in my extensive memories. Simple things like eating and drinking became a chore. With every passing hour my worry increased. She'd said she would return by the evening's meal but the time came and passed. I watched the clock on my omni-tool faithfully, the seconds, minutes and hours passing me by. It was all I could do, my mind to clouded, my emotions too wild to even consider meditation. Prayer was my constant companion however. I promised the gods everything if they would only allow her safe passage home to me. As the hours trickled passed I began to wonder if I should have tried to follow her, to stow away on the shuttle and keep to the shadows. If she hated me so be it, at least she would be alive.

The numbers on the digital clock all changed, signalling three hours passed her promised time of return. As if I'd been waiting for this mark, I shot to my feet and darted from life support.

I ignored the few greetings from crewmen who were still working and made my way to the main battery.

Garrus Vakerian had his back to me and his hands were flying over his console as he worked with a strained kind of focus. He was as concerned as I was, I could read that in the tense air around him.

He was startled by my intrusion and spun round to face me as his console screeched an alarm in protest. He relaxed a notch when he saw me and turned a little to dart nimble fingers over the console, shutting off the alarm.

"My apologies." I offered.

He shrugged. "I'm wound a little tight."

"Seryna?" As if I needed to ask.

Sure enough, he nodded. "Yeah, she's late… more than usual I mean. I've had Joker scan the area where she last checked in but there's something blocking the signal." He paused to shake his head and glance away, concern written all over his face. "I don't like this…"

"There must be some way of tracking her?"

Garrus looked dismayed as he shook his head. "No. Edi is working on bypassing the jamming signal somehow but that's gonna take a lot of time."

I began to pace the small space. "Perhaps if we were to take a shuttle to her last known coordinates…"

Garrus looked thoughtful and if possible even more tense. "Showing up might cause her more trouble than good…" He shifted uncomfortably. "I think… I think we should give her a bit longer, at the moment she's just late not MIA or anything."

His words, however unconvincing to the both of us, were reasonable. Since both of us were emotionally attached to Shepard it would be wiser to listen to reason in this situation, our emotions more likely to cause foolish irrational action. I nodded my agreement. "Very well."

* * *

'A bit longer' turned into another day, then another. By the time the afternoon of that second day arrived, Garrus and I were not the only ones on the ship feeling fear for our commander. Every member of the team had come out from their various spaces to inquire of Garrus or Miranda what was being done to recover Seryna.

Garrus had no official power, but he, Grunt, Jack, Tali and myself were almost ready to stage a mutiny by the time Miranda finally decided that something ought to be done. She had called everyone into the comm room to discuss options when Joker interrupted to tell us he had received communication from Shepard and had diverted the Normandy to pick her up.

We were all of us dismissed to our stations.

I paced life support, wondering what in god's name was going on. The Normandy's kinetic barriers were suddenly strained and the ship was rocked so hard I had to grip the wall for stability. Edi announced to the crew via the comm when the ship was finally stable again, that Shepard had returned and that the Alpha relay… had been destroyed.

I wasted no time dwelling on that fact, it seemed insignificant against my fear for Seryna.

I exited my quarters to seek her out and found Garrus arguing with Chakwas outside the med bay.

"I'm sorry Garrus, but she's speaking with Admiral Hackett about a classified mission. Just give them a few minutes."

"A classified mission!" The turian roared. "The alpha relay is gone! I think even the alliance is going to struggle to keep that 'classified'!"

"I understand your concern for the commander." The Doctor pressed patiently. "But I assure you no lasting damage has been done. At worst she'll ache for a few days. Knowing Shepard, she won't even notice." Garrus opened his mouth to argue more but Chakwas raised a hand and gave him a firm look. "That's all I have to say. I'm not letting you in… you'll just have to wait like everyone else." Garrus let out a low menacing growl and to her credit, Chakwas didn't even flinch. "Don't make me sedate you Vakerian." She growled back.

Garrus glared at her for another long second then turned and stormed down the corridor to the main battery, the panel turning red behind him.

Chakwas turned her firm gaze on me. "That goes for you too Mr. Krios. I'm sure Commander Shepard will see you when she's ready."

"She is unharmed?" I asked.

Chakwas's expression softened a little as she realised I wasn't going to try and force the issue as Garrus had. She nodded. "You have my word. She's fine… a little stressed… but otherwise fine."

I allowed some of the tension and fear I'd been feeling to drain out of me as her assurance. I had observed Chakwas and I knew she was no liar. If Seryna had been in any pain, she would have told me. I nodded to her respectfully.

"Thank you Doctor." Further argument I knew would be fruitless and therefore pointless so I returned to life support and tried my hardest to clear my mind in mediation while I waited for Seryna to call me to her.

* * *

I waited for over an hour before my meditations were interrupted. However, to my dismay, they were not interrupted by my Siha.

The Quarian girl, Tali, asked for entry through Edi and when she walked in the human biotech, Jack was following her.

"Hey Krios." The human barked. "You gotta go up and slap Shepard… or fuck her… or whatever the hell it is the two of you do up there all night." She crossed her arms over her scantily clad torso and glared down at me.

"I think what Jack is trying to tell you is that Shepard locked herself in her Cabin. She won't see anyone and Garrus is refusing to try unless she calls for him. He seems to think it would be best to leave her but…"

"Whatever the fuck went down out there isn't shit she should take alone." Jack snapped jabbing a pointed finger in my direction. "She's tough… but she ain't that tough!"

Tali crossed her arms over her chest and shot a glare at Jack. At least, I assumed it was a glare from her stiff body language. Quarians were particularly difficult to read. "You and Garrus are the only ones that she's likely to let in." She told me. "I already tried and she ignored me entirely."

I laced my fingers together in front of me. "I'm sorry, but I'm inclined to agree with Vakerian. Shepard is a privet woman; any interference now would only cause her more distress."

"Jeez Krios… for someone so god damn educated you really are as thick as any other man in the galaxy!" Jack snapped again. "She shoves us all away cause it's a habit, not what she wants."

"Speaking from experience Miss Jack?" I asked lightly.

She fixed me with a glare so deadly I was sure I might well drop dead. "Fuck you Krios! I don't give a shit about you but I owe Shepard a solid… if that means I have to babysit your poor excuse for a relationship I will!"

I raised a hand. "That won't be required I assure you."

"So far you ain't giving me much confidence!" She snapped. "I swear Krios! You break her and I will hunt you down!"

I was impressed by the loyalty Shepard had inspired in her crew, especially in a woman like Jack. Then I supposed it wasn't so surprising given how similar the two of them were, Jack being only marginally more aggressive and considerably less subtle.

"Please Krios… just try and talk to her. Whatever happened out there was big… and while Shepard pretends to have unlimited strength she really is more fragile than she lets on." There was truth in the quarians words that I knew all to well.

"Take it from a woman Krios… she needs a stiff drink and a good hard fuck."

Both women paused to glare at me and I felt mildly amused at how they were 'ganging up' on me to get what they wanted. I admired their loyalty and their dedication to Seryna. As I looked at them I realized Garrus and I were not the only ones thrown by fear and concern for our commander. If I was the only one that could lay those fears to rest, even if I saw her for just a moment to confirm that she was well and therefore to allow her crew to relax a little, then I ought to do so.

I inclined my head, conceding. "Very well."

Both ladies visibly relaxed.

Tali spoke first. "Thanks Krios." She beckoned to Jack and the biotech cast me one last menacing glare before following the quarian out.

I lingered only another moment to gather and collect my thoughts before heading out to take the elevator up, bumping into both Jack and Tali waiting outside my door.

* * *

The corridor outside Shepard's quarters was eerily silent. Usually I would be able to hear some kind of pounding music or the clattering of clumsy, unguarded movements beyond the door but tonight, there was nothing, the panel on the door was red and bared against me.

"Edi… is Commander Shepard still in her cabin?" I asked the AI.

"Yes Mr. Krios. Would you like me to unlock the door for you?" I was mildly surprised by the AI's offer. Had Shepards influence extended to the ship itself?

"Yes, thank you Edi." At my answer the panel flickered and turned green. I opened the door and stepped into the cabin. What I saw re-installed my concern for my Siha, how could I have been so foolish as to leave her be in such a dark time?

Seryna was by nature an untidy person, she seemed to find it relaxing somehow but what I was faced with now was more than mere mess. It was pure chaos.

The fish tank had been cracked and Edi had erected a safety barrier to keep the glass from braking entirely. It seemed Seryna's personal console had been thrown at it and was currently laying on the ground a foot or so away from the tank, smashed and broken in what I feared was beyond repair. Her drawings were scattered across the room, some torn to shreds, others with heavy armoured boot marks on them. Her chair had been over turned, one of the legs bent out of shape.

In the space below, where she slept the chaos was just the same. The glass coffee table had been shattered; the legs left in an ocean of broken glass, the cushions of the sofa were thrown around the room, the sheets of the bed ripped and torn and everything on her nightstand thrown against a wall, including several bottles of her beloved alcohol. Seryna herself was nowhere to be seen, though I glanced around several times, worried I might have missed her in the destruction somewhere.

"Commander Shepard is in the bathroom Mr. Krios. She is not engaged." Edi surprised me again.

I looked around wildly and found her holographic interface hovering on a panel by the door. I inclined my head to her. "My thanks." I heard the whirring of fans and felt the air grow hotter and drier, as if the AI was encouraging me to stay.

"Logging you out." The hologram vanished darkening the room a little.

I made my way to the bathroom and paused before deciding to knock on the door. There was no reply. "Seryna?" Still no reply. I frowned and opened the door.

The bathroom had not been spared Seryna's destructive rage. Her toiletries had been thrown against the wall and now laid in a heap by the shower. Glass littered the sink and floor and the mirror above had been smashed, only a few pieced remaining in the frame.

Sitting on the ground by the toilet was my Siha. She sat with her limbs splayed out, her legs stretched in front of her and her arms limp by her sides. Her head had fallen back to rest on one of the shelves. She'd removed her helmet but remained in her armour otherwise, a good thing considering the amount of glass on the floor.

Her black hair was falling out of its tidy bun and was trailing in rogue locks over her shoulders contrasting with the emerald green. There was a small cut on her cheek and a trickle of blood ran down her face, the three colours together, distinctly familiar. I wondered vaguely in a moment of distraction if she knew how well she wore my colouring. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed, but frowning. She seemed to be… exhausted.

"Siha…"

"Do you think…" her voice was horse, I imagined she'd been screaming while wreaking havoc on her cabin. "I should get 'alpha relay incident' or 'three hundred thousand innocent baterians'?"

"Excuse me?" I was puzzled.

She pulled her eyes open and rolled her head up to glare at me. "On my tattoo. If I could have it my way I'd find out each and every name… but I don't think there's space on my body for that."

"It would hurt a great deal to have that much tattooing in one session." I pointed out.

Her eyes narrowed. "I have it coming." She heaved a heavy sigh and let her head fall back again; it hit the shelf with a sickening thud. I approached tentatively and crouched down in front of her. "What happened Siha?" I asked her.

She reached behind her and pulled out a data pad. She slid it across the floor to me. I picked it up and skimmed over the mission report, my brow furrowing more and more with every passing second. "Siha…"

"Three hundred thousand… men… woman… children." She murmured to herself. "I've never killed anyone that didn't have it coming in some way or another. "I was a murderer… but I didn't kill innocents… I've never killed a child before. People died because of me sure... but that's not the same... not the same as this." She heaved a heavy sigh and I looked up to see a lonely tear slide down from the corner of her eye. "I'm supposed to be saving the galaxy… not helping the reapers wipe it out."

"According to your report you had no choice."

"Story of my fucking... shit excuse for a life." She growled. Suddenly she lurched forwards, bringing her knees up and slamming her fists against her armor as she snarled at the floor. Those snarls and growls finally cracked and gave way to sobbing. It was a horrific sound mixed with screaming and cursing as she expressed her grief in the most primal way possible. I'd witnessed few things as tragic as this… my weeping warrior angel. Her tormented screams ripped through me and lashed at my heart in cold painful hits.

I moved closer to her, and wrapped my arms around her as best I could in the awkward position. "You did the right thing Siha." I told her firmly.

Her sobs quietened for just a moment so she could growl out "Keep telling me that Krios… one day I might believe you."

"Seryna…"

"Three hundred thousand… three hundred… thousand." She chanted the number over and over under her breath. "Fuck!" She slammed her fist against her knee again and I reached out to take hold of her hands, to prevent her from bruising herself any further. "God!" She leaned her head back again, the tear tracks on her face glittering in the fluorescent light of the bathroom, her eyes red and swollen from her tears. "I'm so tired of making the tough choices! They only bought me back cause no one else has the balls to do it! God! I wish they hadn't bothered! I wish… I wish I was still…"

"Don't." I spoke calmly, trying to cut through he storm of emotions she was fighting against. "You don't mean that."

She snorted and finally turned her eyes on me. "You know that's not true. You of all people know what it's like…" She chocked, her breath coming harder as she gasped painfully.

"Siha… breathe!" I commanded. I reached forwards and grasped her face in my hands, forcing her to look up at me. "Breathe!" I shouted, shocking her into doing as she was told. She took shuddering gasps before finally allowing her breathing to steady and even out. "Edi…"

"Mr Krios?" The AI acknowledged me.

"Ask Dr. Chakwas to bring a sedative for Shepard."

"Don't you dare!" Seryna growled. Her hands darted up and scratched at mine, forcing me to let go. "Don't you dare drug me Krios!"

"Then you must calm down." I told her firmly. "This is… dangerous Siha and I love you too much to watch you suffer!"

"So you'll drug me instead!" She was hysterical, that I could see, there was no way I was going to be able to reason with her. She threw her fists at me, pounding hard against my chest. I gripped her armor clad hands in my own trying to lightly restrain her. She tried to wrench her hands out of my grip but my strength was superior, especially seeing how exhausted she already was.

The doctor arrived promptly and without a word she darted forwards while I had Seryna held down and injected her neck with something. Seryna screamed curses at the both of us, insisting she would never forgive us, telling me she hated me and would never love me… before finally her movements slowed sluggishly. After another minute she collapsed into my arms and I held her against my chest, looking down at her unconscious face with as much fear and concern as I'd felt when she was away.

Chakwas had her omni tool open and was examining her. "It looks like one or two of the cybernetics in her brain have suffered a mild overload." She told me.

"You didn't notice when examining her earlier?" I asked, trying not to sound as accusing as I was.

"I noticed a mild strain on them… but nothing out of the ordinary for Shepard. She promised me she would take a drink while she was up here and while ordinarily I don't encourage her use of alcohol, it does help calm her. I'm not detecting any alcohol or nicotine in her system right now though… the withdraw may well have contributed to this… minor malfunction." She waved her Omni tool over the commander, the display lighting up and a few of the commanders glowing scars brightening in response.

"You call this a minor malfunction?" I couldn't help but keep the darkness from my tone this time.

Chakwas turned cool eyes on me. "Well… a major malfunction and she'd be dead. Unfortunately Cerberus didn't take into account Shepards… aggressive or addictive nature when they rebuilt her. Her cybernetics weren't designed to handle this kind of stress. That's why her scars have been getting worse." The Doctor indicated at the marks on my Siha's forehead and cheek that were undeniably more severe than they were a moment or two ago. "I've had to use all my knowledge of cybernetics and more to keep her stable."

Chakwas leaned back on her heels and looked as tired as Shepard had a few minutes before.

I looked back at Seryna who was sleeping dreamlessly in my arms. "Should I bring her down to the med bay?" I asked.

Chakwas looked thoughtful, then shook her head. "No, I've stabilized her and taking her downstairs would cause unnecessary concern for the crew. I'm sure Seryna would prefer to keep this privet if she can. She's not in any danger anymore and Edi can keep her vitals monitored for me."

I nodded, deciding to defer to the good doctors expertise. "Very well. I will keep watch on her too." I brushed some stray hair out of her peaceful features.

Chakwas smiled. "Good. She might not say so, but I'm sure she'd appreciate it."


	19. BIG authors note

**BIG ASS AUTHORS NOTE!**

To all my awesome readers,

For a long time I've struggled with this fanfic and honestly it's now come to the point where writing it is more of a chore than a pleasure and since its fanfiction… well I don't see the point of writing anything I'm not enjoying.

I just feel that this story could be 100x better than what I've currently written. So… with that in mind this version of Remember me has been suspended and I am in the progress of completely re writing to include all my original plans, including my original character Maggie from my other stories 'Call me Maggie' and 'Choices'. She's an awesome character and I've had multiple requests to see her story progress in Remember me as I'd originally planned. I'm also working with Spyke1985 (BIG thanks) to have both those stories properly beta'd to eliminate the awful grammar and spelling.

If anyone has any ideas or recommendations for the rewrite now would be a great time to let me know. If there is anything you particularly liked or hated, leave me a PM or a review and I'll take all comments into consideration, I'm here to improve my writing abilities and I can't do that without you guys to point out my mistakes as well as praise my achieves.

So thanks again to everyone for your amazing support, I hope I can do you all proud in the new version.

See you there! - Dixie990


	20. An awfully long authors note!

**REMEMBER ME REMASTERED**

**An awfully long authors Note: **

** After months of writing, brainstorming, scrapping, rewriting and frustrated temper tantrums I've finally finished Remember me version 2! You can find it via my profile - it's helpfully titled Remember me - Remastered! **

**Now, my problem is that people all seem to want a happy ending for Thane; they want to read stories about a Shepard who defies all odds, cures him of Keprals, defeats the reapers and has little half drell babies with him! But I have to say; though the romance with Thane had a tragic ending… it was a bloody good story just the way it was. It was a good, old fashioned, tragic love story. Which is why perhaps I've had such a hard time writing Remember me… there really isn't much I feel I want to change, there's only things I want to add. **

**Remember me was ****always**** going to have this ending, what I wanted to achieve was a way of making peace with Thanes death as, in my opinion, not enough was made of it if you'd romanced him. So this ending isn't 'happy' per say, but that's not what I'm trying to get here… I'm looking to do a 'peaceful' ending. Wish me luck! **

**I've tried to make this story as standalone as possible but primarily I'm writing this for the readers of the original remember me. It should be possible for new readers to enjoy this version as well though. I have also tried to keep events relatively faithful to the original remember me story. **

**On a final note, this story has been written in an entirely different style to the original, as such, I hope it's not too confusing. Standard texts denotes present day / current events while italics are memories & flashbacks. The chapters and indeed, story as a whole will also be considerably shorter but in my opinion I think that when it comes to Remember me, it's the quality of writing that counts, not the quantity. In the original version I was throwing out chapter after chapter without really making the points or getting the emotions I was aiming for. **

**I know this story is perhaps not what my readers were hoping for or expecting but I am far more satisfied with this version than I ever was with the original and so this is the version I'll be keeping and I hope I see all you guys over there. As always I'm open to constructive criticism.**

**WARNING! As always with my work, this story will contain swearing, violence and adult content!**


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